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Old 09-03-2013, 11:10 AM   #39 (permalink)
Dean from Australia
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 1,297
It's been a pretty emotional day - due in no small part to the words of empathy, advice and encouragement that I have read here.

Thank you Sparrow for your supreme kindness in that post of yours.

My serioso and I talked things through in much more depth today and I have come to realize that this is a greater problem than I was aware of. I have engaged in a loose pattern of binge drinking that has existed for more than a couple of years, to the point where she has dreaded many a social occasion because of it. And I can pretty much put a bead on most of those occasions if I really think about it.

While I have never once gotten physical with her or the kids - she assured me of that - there have been times where I have frightened the fuck out of them with my arsehole behaviour.

Where did it all begin?

I don't know if there has been any sort of trigger incident, even though there has been a few critical incidents over the past few years that affected me more than I'd care to admit. Whether they have contributed significantly enough to this pattern of drinking behaviour - I don't know. I don't want to cop out and "blame" anything external to my own failings as a person but is that fair to me?

I have shed a fair number of tears today and I feel more ashamed now of what I have done - particularly after last weekend - but over the last few years in a large number of situations that have been put before me. Thankfully, my serioso is well and truly in my corner. For that, I am truly grateful.

So I'm really worried about my birthday, this coming Sunday in my hometown. A whole bunch of people are coming to this bistro where it is being held. There will be alcohol, (a fairly large bar tab has already been paid for in advance), and I have committed to not drinking at all. I know that the pressure will be on me. I'll try and justify having "just one or two" but I don't want to. My serioso and I tried to come up with a way for me to avoid offers of a beer or a wine but I have know idea. I told her today that I just have to have the balls to refrain and politely knock back those offers if they come forth.

I have actually talked myself into dreading the whole thing at this point.
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