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Old 09-09-2013, 01:57 AM   #103 (permalink)
Enunciated Piffle
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Montana
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If Only

The problem with binge drinking is that you do not realize it's binge drinking. You get used to drinking until you blackout or pass out.

If you turn into an asshole when drunk then there is definitely something seriously wrong going on in the background of your mind. Find a good therapist and put in the work. It's ignorant to think you know everything about yourself. Go talk to someone, a professional, and get some feedback. You will be amazed.

I almost lost my daughter because: A) I'm a supreme narcissist (and kids are dumb and not good enough for me as a creative person / I thought being a parent was beneath me B) I literally started drinking and doing heavy drugs at age 13. When you hear the term 'teen alcoholic' it sounds almost laughable but that was me. I had a beard at age 17 and had my liquor store that sold to me. By 19 I was shooting coke, heroin, and meth. My friends couldn't understand why I didn't care about going to the bar for my '21st' legal age drink. I had substituted drinking with needles long ago. I was actually a proud addict because I didn't drink...

Embracing my fatherhood, becoming an engaged parent, is really and truly what saved my life.

* Realize time with your kids is important. If drinking on a Friday or Saturday think to yourself 'Am I going to be a hung-over worthless piece of shit all weekend?

* You need discipline in life. This can come in many forms. I take my dog for a 1.5 mile hike every morning. Along with sit ups and push ups, I know that I can't or won't if feeling shitty from too much drink.

* I've found it super helpful to dwell on what I'm doing the next day and why I can't go into a blackout. You need to retrain your body to enjoy the buzz that comes from 2-3 drinks.

* Before you go to bar, or party or whatever make a SOBER decision on how many drinks and of what you will be having. I can have 6 gin and tonics and be perfectly fine. More than 6 beers and I'm slurring and feel like hell the next day. Make a conscious sober decision on how many drinks and STICK TO THAT #!

You got a good life Dean. If there is any resentment about your writing, your family, your obligations, your unfulfilled dreams, whatever - go talk to someone. Get that shit figured out because that is what tips you from 'oh I'm just having a drink socially' to subconsciously/ completely unaware switching over to your body chemistry realizing 'oh this is nice. Let's escape this stress of life!'

You have the good fortune of being a MARRIED man with kids. You don't wanna throw that away. I live that life. All alone. Getting the kid on weekends. Wondering what would have been if only... IF only I'd of been less selfish. More caring. It's hell. Whatever look your child gave you - make that shit haunt you. The consequences are brutal. Double that when a smart man like yourself actually has the good sense to be aware of it.
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