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Old 06-13-2017, 09:08 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Lanfear's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Frankfurt am Main, Germany
Posts: 2,602
Originally Posted by snowflake View Post
No, please don't do this to yourself.

I recently gave my mother another chance. It was a huge mistake. I knew within 5 minutes.

Even your mother, her response to your email is JUST WHAT YOU SAID YOU DON'T WANT. It's dismissive of all your concerns and feelings. And yeah I'm sure "have a nice life" is sincere. Its still passive aggressive; what her reply says is that its not her fault and it's up to you to get over it. she's not meeting you half way at all.

No matter how many times I think I can include my mother in my life its a mistake, whether its to be there when i need support (she kicks me when I'm down), to celebrate successes (she criticizes them or ignores them) or to just be a part of my life (everything is about her or she shuts me out). this last time I realized that I can love her and not have her in my life. Because she's just going to be mean and nothing i share will be good enough.

she missed your wedding. she went to the grand canyon when you had your tumor removed. don't let her hurt you, it doesn't matter if your strong enough to with stand it YOU DON'T HAVE TO. You have a beautiful life full of people you love WHO LOVE YOU BACK. Don't waste energy on someone who sabotages and hurts you.

While driving my mother home from Nashville (so she could save money on a flight, and not have to drive a rental, and i JUST started driving 6 months ago) AND I drove her 6+ hours both way and got no thank you. she yelled at me "well you just do whatever you want to do" in the most passive aggressive tone. I thought of you and keith when I replied "you're goddamn right I do."

Do you. See her if you want, and if you do, break a plate and tell us. But she doesn't deserve you. If she cares let her try to come to you. I wish you the best no matter what. Good luck.
I agree with all of this and I'm in very minimal contact with my mother as well so I completely get it but my father and siblings are pretty great so cutting off all contact is not really feasible for me.

I voted Chemda should try an in person meeting while her parents are in town because clearly email communication is not working and talking on the phone while mom is just a mile away might feel unnecessarily strange and give a bad vibe.
As terrible as that sounds experiencing the full extend of rudeness in person without the blame that can be given to language/technology barriers can be a nice confirmation that you are indeed doing the right thing by breaking contact.
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