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Old 08-23-2021, 08:29 PM   #14 (permalink)
Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 18
Just listened to the show and you asked, ďwhy would that act be the thing you do?" It's not about sex. It's about power. Maybe in the context that you were both kids, the power thing is a little bit of a different dynamic? Experimentation on someone that he knew couldn't/wouldn't stop him? Or at least someone more vulnerable than himself? I guess what comes to mind is that gymnastics doctor (Larry Nassar) who abused girls in USA gymnastics. It wasn't about sex, it was always about power.

There's just no way that you invented this or just dreamed it on multiple occasions. It sounds like it wasn't in your subconscious at that age to even conjure it up in a dream. I'm betting that your parents froze in the moment that you freaked out and just went ahead with their plans, but they (or at least your mom, despite her flaws) realized that there was a reason behind your hysteria. After all, if it's hysterical, it's historical, right? Your hysteria probably saved you that last time he babysat because he was too freaked out that you'd say something. And then he was never asked back because even if your parents didn't know what happened, they knew something was making you really upset.

One idea if you go forward with confronting him:
"I've never been able to shake the feeling that something inappropriate happened when you were babysitting me and I want to know why I feel that way. Looking back, did you do anything inappropriate to me when you were a kid?" (ask point blank, but this also lets him admit to a "lesser offense" of "i was a kid, i didn't know better." but at least it might get an answer to the question of "did this happen?" cleared up.)

You and I discussed this in chat one night, but part of my job is to interview people and try to get them to confess to ripping off my company/customers. They lie all the time and me accusing them of doing something is rarely satisfying. Everyone lies out of their own self-interest and 9 times out of 10, that's what's going to happen. BUT we have to ask. We have to give them the chance to come clean because every now and then, they'll do it. Obviously, this is a very different situation, but the bottom line remains: if you donít ask, youíll never know. If you do ask, you may still never know, but at least you tried and at least you put him on notice.

Just some thoughts. Heavy stuff. Iím so sorry you went through that.

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