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Old 08-22-2023, 01:50 PM   #14 (permalink)
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shoebootie's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: new jersey
Posts: 752
Originally Posted by Apia resurrected View Post
What happened?
(cracks knuckles) HERE WE GO.

This friend, Mary, I don't go to her for parenting advice. Her kids are 18 months and 5 years older than my kid, so it sucks that I don't have that parenting confidante in my best friend, but we have different parenting styles and it's just not happening, based on past experiences. I know better than to ask for advice from her.

Last Saturday, I'm sleeping, my daughter (8 years old) comes in my room asking if a bagel would fit in the toaster. I knew the only bagels in the house were whole (uncut) and frozen. So I say no, don't have bagels, have something else, you'll cut yourself trying to slice a frozen bagel. 10 minutes later, she comes in my room saying she microwaved a bagel and now there's smoke everywhere. She microwaved a bagel for like 5 minutes on high. Minor microwave fire, black smoke everywhere. So I'm up and opening all the windows, airing out my house, dealing with that. Preparing to deal with "we'll see if we need to replace the microwave later after I clean that all out and see if it works."

As the house is airing out, I text my friend like "haaa kids right here's what just happened" and she texts back with some ADVICE which I didn't ask for, essentially saying how if I'd just teach her how to do more things, that this sort of thing wouldn't happen. Mary is notorious for never being able to hear the word no.. no matter what it is she wants or is trying to do, she'll negotiate around it or circumvent it and just do her own shit, no matter what a bad idea it is. And I snapped back at her like "of course you'd take the 8 year old's side on this that she should be taught knife skills instead of taking no for an answer. no matter what i say she's doing, you have a contrarian opinion on why I'm wrong. I could say don't run in the house and you'd argue why she should be allowed to."

She fires back at me in a bunch of shit saying how she's "sorry I feel that way" and she's "concerned about me" because I don't seem to be enjoying motherhood, all I do is yell at my kid, and no matter what she does my kid can't do anything right. Basically insulted me as a mother and my parenting to the core. I turn off my notifications on her because I got bigger problems, and I did not want to say anything I'd regret because i got some HOT TAKES ON DECK (that's for VIP Status baby...) She tries to goad me into text-fighting with her further, and sorry but I just don't do that. Fighting via text message is messy and unproductive.

Later that day, after cleaning smoke smells out of my home the best I could, I go to call her, figuring we could talk about it, and she says she's busy and to call her tomorrow (more spicy take on that as well). But then, when time had passed, I decided I did not want to call her. I don't want to call and spell out "here's where you are wrong, hurtful, deliberately hurtful, gaslighting, and I'd like my apology now please." I DON'T WANT TO ASK FOR MY APOLOGY.

And that's where we are now. 9 days no contact.

TLDR; she gave me unsolicited (bad) advice and insulted me as a mother when I wasn't receptive to it.
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