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Bucho 12-14-2013 03:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keith (Post 792905)
If, for example, the Church told me that premarital sex was ok, I would have changed in a heartbeat, yes.

You're strangely in denial about the power of religion.

I was just asking. I was brought up Christian too, but not in that weird, evil cult we're talking about, so I don't have that experience of being so beholden to it and guilt-ridden.

Enunciated Piffle 12-14-2013 03:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jessica332 (Post 793199)
Enunciated Piffle the biggest difference in us is I have told my son I am his number 1 supporter.

This is very true. I've never met your son. I'm not his #1 supporter :D

Hey look, I realize no one really knows me on this forum. I forget that when I post. If you notice I have 'enunciated' in my name. I have this because I emphasis or am completely over dramatic when I post. I do this because it's funny to me. It's my sense of humor.

I'm very supportive, but I have been accused, by her mother, that I push too hard. I've also been told by: baby-sitters, friends, GF's, teachers, family, and complete strangers how incredibly kind and well-adjusted my kid is. Trust me, she is going to be fine.

Sparrow bringing up 'intimacy issues' is a cause of concern. I wish people had some actual advice for me. Judging me and simply proclaiming 'I support MY kid' doesn't really do much.

Thanks though....I guess?

HeyAnne 12-14-2013 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparrow (Post 792946)
the best protection she can have is her self-worth.


Agreed - if you value yourself as a person, you won't let others treat you like you have no worth. This is a lesson I wish I got from my parents, mostly my Dad.

Enunciated Piffle 12-14-2013 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeyAnne (Post 793240)
Agreed - if you value yourself as a person, you won't let others treat you like you have no worth. This is a lesson I wish I got from my parents, mostly my Dad.

Ok. Agreed.

I want to be clear here. I have NEVER told my daughter I would not love her. Not ever. That would be a 'conditional love.'

I have told her what I expect from her. I have said PLEASE make your life easier. You see how your aunts are. You see how other women's lives are ruined by teen pregnancy. I said: Graduate HS. Graduate College. Don't get preggo until you are married.

Those 3 things that I started telling my daughter about a year ago, (she is 11 now) do you moms (and Sparrow) have a problem with? Agree?

Sparrow 12-14-2013 05:52 PM

have you addressed /how/ to prevent pregnancy?

i think at the end of the day, you want her to make good choices. super! you can do that by being with her as she makes them preferably without making them for her. give her the tools; the how; the process; the 'muscle' memory. have a regular special hot beverage time when just the two of you can talk about stuff that matters to her; kids LOVE to feel grown up and things like starbucks dates with daddy are a great time to get to know her as an autonomous person, not just "your daughter" and what you think that ought to mean. let her know you hear her. the passing of wisdom and stuff comes pretty organic and they're more likely to reciprocate and retain it. with sprinkles and whipped cream no less. tasty bonus, things like this set her standard for how men treat her when they take her out without your having to say it explicitly which she may not hear because by the time she starts to date you'll be an old fart asshole bummer.

now is the time to lead by example. do this before she begins to pull away. tweens do that. it's gonna break your heart.

Sparrow 12-14-2013 06:03 PM

i'll use myself as an example. my dad had little day-to-day interaction with me and with the job there wasn't ever a convenient time for us to do special outings and daddy/daughter things. my first experiences with being taken out came from my first long term boyfriend--who was a bit of a scum bag--and that consisted of sex. maybe dinner, not always. that didn't ever feel weird to me and still as an adult i don't expect much more out of the people that pique my interest. maybe for the best, i can't imagine being higher maintenance than i am already and it still doesn't bother me being a homebody of sorts, but in retrospect i think i may have short-changed myself some experience and romance.

Enunciated Piffle 12-14-2013 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparrow (Post 793245)
have you addressed /how/ to prevent pregnancy?

Dude. She's only 11. I don't know though maybe it's time. She's going thru puberty and about to rag out any minute. And she talks about boys now.

It's weird cuz as you grow up you make a list of how your parents fucked up. Then you become a parent...and realize , "Fuck man this is harrrrd"

I like the 'daughter date' thing idea. We go out to her favorite Chinese restaurant. We go to Animeals, (this cat rescue place ) and we go to Barnes and Nobles and read Simpsons comic books and stuff.

I have no life. The one benefit is when I spend time with my daughter; it's real time. I'd even go so far as to say she confides in me more than her mom. I do parent her though.

The one thing I wish all parents would do is have them TELL their kid WHY they are parenting them. I have literally told my daughter "Hey look, I went thru this stuff so you don't have to. It' sliterally my job to tell you things. Then when you're 18 you do whatever you want.

I see more parents 'yell things' at kids then 'parentingly tell them things. It's important that kids understand why you tell them. Not being an idiot helps too. If your kid doesn't respect you; it's game over.

Sparrow 12-14-2013 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enunciated Piffle (Post 793247)
Dude. She's only 11. I don't know though maybe it's time. She's going thru puberty and about to rag out any minute. And she talks about boys now.

yeah. now.

Enunciated Piffle 12-14-2013 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparrow (Post 793246)
i think i may have short-changed myself some experience and romance.

I'm terrified my daughter will grow up to be like me. A 'people fixer.'

Man, I love me some broken, unavailable people. Women especially. I just don't want her to end up with some dude who doesn't take care of her needs.
I see it too often. Hell. I've been that dude! Shameful, but true.

Enunciated Piffle 12-14-2013 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparrow (Post 793248)
yeah. now.

Ok, but do I have to take her to Adam and Eve and help her pick out a vibrator??

I'm with Keith on this one. It's a bit weird.

How about her mom and I sit her down and go over basics. Then she and her mom go do the period-vibrator-all details talk?


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