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Sparrow 12-14-2013 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enunciated Piffle (Post 793247)
"Hey look, I went thru this stuff so you don't have to.

here's a different angle on that to chew on: expect and allow her go through them. it's how we learn. the human experience is at once broad and the same; many of the things you're afraid might happen, will. your job is to, well, pretend not to freak out, and also to guide her with the benefit of your experience. it's scary shit, no question. but, don't be afraid to let her make mistakes. she's gonna look to you for reassurance the world isn't over. she'll need to know how to do that for herself on her own one day.

a good and dear theater director friend gave the best advice i've ever received: don't get too attached to the outcome.

Sparrow 12-14-2013 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enunciated Piffle (Post 793250)
Ok, but do I have to take her to Adam and Eve and help her pick out a vibrator??

I'm with Keith on this one. It's a bit weird.

How about her mom and I sit her down and go over basics. Then she and her mom go do the period-vibrator-all details talk?

whatever works for your family, brah.

Sparrow 12-14-2013 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enunciated Piffle (Post 793249)
I'm terrified my daughter will grow up to be like me. A 'people fixer.'

Man, I love me some broken, unavailable people. Women especially. I just don't want her to end up with some dude who doesn't take care of her needs.
I see it too often. Hell. I've been that dude! Shameful, but true.

it's good you know yourself and things to look for in her. very aware! kudos!

then let her talk to you about boys now that she sees them. without cynicism, sarcasm, or eye rolling "ewwwws." you and your wife can share dating stories good and bad. start those conversations and keep them on going. it won't feel weird at 16 if you can make it not feel weird now at 11. "just talkin' to dad about my boyfriend" is a powerful thing to come from her face. you don't have to be big scary dad, just a close one.

Enunciated Piffle 12-14-2013 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparrow (Post 793251)
a good and dear theater director friend gave the best advice i've ever received: don't get too attached to the outcome.

This is the down-side to being a horrendous control freak. You forget stuff like this...

Good advice.

Sparrow 12-14-2013 06:40 PM

yeah. really is. now, if you'll excuse me, i've gotta get real stoned and eat taco bell.

ImStillToni 12-17-2013 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enunciated Piffle (Post 792884)
I told her mom, 'Look, you have the discussion and get her on birth control. I'll pay for the pill, I'll tell her how evil boys are, and I'll remind her that I will totally disown her if she gets pregnant in high school...
Love is very conditional. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.

Piff, you know I adore you right? I think you're doing the right thing as far as your daughter. My father too gave me the "if you get pregnant before you are married/still living in my house I will kill you" and it worked. I have older half siblings and by the time i was in 8th grade both my bro and sis (my dad's kids) had kids. My father paid for wayyy too many abortions for my sister who was at the time a drug addict. He was terrified I would get pregnant and wanted to put the fear in me. And he did.

At age 14, I was raped by my "boyfriend" on Friday and had to sit next to his ass on the bus on Monday. After that, I got in my first long term monogamous relationship and I went to my parents and informed then I wanted to get on birth control because i was having sex with the boyfriend who later became fiance #1 (you know how I do lol). I was on birth control from age 14 until I met my husband at age 21 and I never had a pregnancy scare in my life. A few years ago my father admitted to me as much as he HATED hearing me admit I was having sex, he was so proud I was responsible enough to ask for birth control. And I simply told him "because I knew if I came home pregnant, you would kill me."

See? It works. Go with it, my friend.

Scumhook 12-17-2013 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImStillToni (Post 793754)
At age 14, I was raped by my "boyfriend"

What were you wearing?

ImStillToni 12-17-2013 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scumhook (Post 793759)
What were you wearing?

hahahaha technically just a shirt but got dammit I said no so yes, it stands. Let me guess, now you gonna tell me I was asking for it? you fucker you :rolleyes:

Enunciated Piffle 12-17-2013 09:16 PM

First of all, I fucking love you.

Secondly, I think there's some validity to the argument that 'dear old dad making threats; might result in intimacy issues with men later in life.

I definitely think the right choice is to talk about birth control...and of course a talk about sex should precede it.

Toni, lemme ask you something. Did seeing your sis have issues help you be responsible, or did your dad making threats help? Maybe both? Most importantly, do you have any issues, (intimacy wise) with your man that might stem from your dad's parenting?

I appreciate your honesty and candor, btw. You're the best-est-est-ist.

Scumhook 12-17-2013 09:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImStillToni (Post 793761)
hahahaha technically just a shirt but got dammit I said no so yes, it stands. Let me guess, now you gonna tell me I was asking for it? you fucker you :rolleyes:

I wasn't going to tell you that you were asking for it, but I like the fact that's where your mind went... :D :D


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