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View Poll Results: Should Chemda be the one to give her daughter her first sex toy?
Yes. 12 15.79%
No; Aunt Emmy should be the one. 29 38.16%
Huh? Chemda should stay out of it! 35 46.05%
Voters: 76. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 12-17-2013, 09:44 PM   #91 (permalink)
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Hmm, good questions.

Ok first I wouldn't say my father made constant threats. He just let me know point blank that they would not condone be getting pregnant considering I was then at the age I realized my father had paid for, at a minimum, no less than 5 abortions for my half sister (and then she had 2 kids while my bro had 5...all before i graduated high school. they are at least 10 years older than me). I did not live with my siblings and back then I had no idea bout her drug abuse. I also grew up in the 70s/80s. My parents weren't my friends, they were my parents so back them, I still had enough fear of my dad to know this is the one thing he wasn't playing around about. They just raised me to wait til I get married to have kids, I know that sounds crazy huh? Back then its not like there were tons of girls with kids in school or considered acceptable (I'm only 35).

I was raised as an only child. I had my own tv, I had cable, I was mature. I don't really recall having the sex talk with my parents until after I asked them for birth control. Also, my parents did not know about the rape until after I was married, so they thought i was just being responsible with my first boyfriend. If I'm being honest, I think it was the rape that did it. After being violated in your own house, room, and bed by someone you trusted there was no way in hell I was not going to control my body. Perhaps I did hear and retain things about my sister, but at the time i was 12-14ish in an age when abortions weren't as freely talked about, but eventually i kind of figured it out. Damn now I feel old.

I would say its a combo of having parents who were not my friends, a little bit of fear, being raised to get married FIRST, then have kids, as well as my sister on some level. But more than anything, it was my dad. My dad was not my friend until after I got married and I think more parents need to go back to old school parenting regarding some things like sex (also, my parents are still married, going on 36 years). No girl really wants to go home and tell her dad his baby is knocked up and my dad simply let me know he didn't play that shit. I always knew he loved me, I was his baby and my moms only child, and I was spoiled rotten - but I knew that me getting preggo was basically a dealbreaker. That is what I hope you get express to your daughter on some level- you love her but she should be responsible enough to make sure SHE does not get pregnant & do not depend on the guy for protection if she is "responsible" enough to have sex. And Dad sure as hell ain't going to be raising no grandbabies. I love my father even more for being a father and not my friend. I think this is the first time I ever actually admitted it, but its true. that's why your post hit a nerve.

No, no intimacy issues as a result. I was in two long term relationships after the rape, lots of fucking in between, and then with my husband since 21...lawd knows I'm DTF. And my husband shares similar old school values like me as well which is rare for a Dominican because you know how fertile those fuckers are
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Old 12-17-2013, 10:20 PM   #92 (permalink)
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I love my father even more for being a father and not my friend.
Interesting.

Ya know...I have a lot of hippie friends. They all wanna be 'friends' with their kids. Let em dye their hair. Smoke weed. Whatever.

I don't know. I was thrown away at age 3, in and out of foster care, adopted and then given back to foster care. Ultimately adopted by a drunken redneck who kicked the shit out of me. On the daily.

It's like I have this huge list of what NOT to do with parenting. Still don't know the right chemistry/ approach. No one does.
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Old 12-17-2013, 10:23 PM   #93 (permalink)
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Knowing what I now know about comedy...and how funny people were always trying to relieve all the mom and dad/ house tension...I should be WAYYYYYYYYY funnier! lol
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Old 12-17-2013, 10:33 PM   #94 (permalink)
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Ok. Agreed.
I want to be clear here. I have NEVER told my daughter I would not love her. Not ever. That would be a 'conditional love.'
I have told her what I expect from her. I have said PLEASE make your life easier. You see how your aunts are. You see how other women's lives are ruined by teen pregnancy. I said: Graduate HS. Graduate College. Don't get preggo until you are married.
Those 3 things that I started telling my daughter about a year ago, (she is 11 now) do you moms (and Sparrow) have a problem with? Agree?
Piff, I did not even finish this thread before we started talking so I didn't see this post. I want to give you a hug & say my parents reiterated those very same expectations for me because they wanted better for me. I graduated high school no problem and my father didn't get his GED until he was 60. I dropped out of college a few times, but have since gotten both my associates and bachelors and am going back for my Masters just my mother when I was a kid. And i didn't get preggo before I was married. True, I haven't gotten pregnant AFTER I got married (the $$$$i spent on birth control all those years was and is still a very cruel & fucked up joke imo), but I somehow got all 3 of my parent's "dreams" for me completed. I have certainly screwed up along the way but deep down, I'm proud I was able to accomplish the goals/ideals my parents had for me because they simply wished that my life was "easier" than theirs...and isn't that what every parent truly wants for their child? Maybe I'm old fashioned or maybe more should be old fashioned, but I wanted you to know I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with your expectations for your daughter as long as she knows you love her and you will figure it out along the way. I know my parents raised me out of love and wanted the best for me and it sounds like you are the same - at least you care. ok screw this shit I'm not high enough, feel free to message me before Scumhook pops up and fucks up our lovefest
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Old 12-17-2013, 10:56 PM   #95 (permalink)
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I was able to accomplish the goals/ideals my parents had for me because they simply wished that my life was "easier" than theirs...and isn't that what every parent truly wants for their child?
my folks only ever wanted me to be happy, whatever that meant for me. may have had a little something to do with being the youngest child of two youngest children. they had their own dreams for me, but those were never more important than letting me find my own. i'm glad that was the case because i still would have insisted on it, being independently-minded to the point of willful. i didn't turn out like they'd planned and that that was ok has made a lot of the difference in my fearlessness to take a risk and wander down less-safe, less-trodden paths. my life may not be easier than theirs, but it's one that feels right and true. that makes them proud of me.
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Old 12-18-2013, 06:09 PM   #96 (permalink)
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I completely agree/see your point Sparrow.

And I'm not sure if I made it clear but before I got married at 25, I had heart-to-heart with both of them separately and it all came out. I didn't grow up with them brownbeating me into submission to do what they wanted or anything, but I will say as a minority I think there is a slight difference that my parents/I have to deal with that White people do not (it's a fact, I'm not trying to offend anyone but basically a lot of us were and still are raised with the "you have to try 2x as hard just to break even in this society" mentality).

I certainly stumbled as well, but they let me live my own life including making my own mistakes and just tried to guide me along the way. That how I viewed Piff's posts - he simply was coming from a place of concern and love for his daughter imho. Fuck being your kid's friend. this is why the gap between generations is now 14-18 years when it used to be 20-30+ yrs. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see the correlation between these kids getting handed everything to them by their friend/parents and then can't do shit on their own without being coddled or autocorrect.
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Old 12-18-2013, 06:28 PM   #97 (permalink)
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Fuck being your kid's friend. this is why the gap between generations is now 14-18 years when it used to be 20-30+ yrs.
You ever hear about these super old, rich successful men. Dudes like Larry King who are on their 8th wife? The wife is like a fraction of their age? What about them?

I wonder what the appropriate age gap is cuz I wouldn't want to be 'grandpa' having kids either. I think you gotta relate on some level.

It's like, Dad is 68, Mom is 28, and kid is 4. America is weird.
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Old 12-18-2013, 06:45 PM   #98 (permalink)
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Now with Larry King et al., its more like "Dad's dead, mom's now 35, kid's now 11"

I think that is completely different, a little gross, but different. If anything Larry King's experience of sexing, marrying, and then divorcing chicks throughout his old ass life could only benefit his children if he lives long enough for him to tell em about it.

"As your father, I want you to know I'm almost 90 years old and still fertile. Everything guys tell you is bullshit because that's how I got all my wives and still keep popping out kids when I wear diapers. Birth control is NOT any option for you, my daughter and if you do get pregnant young will just decrease your inheritance anyway."

Scared straight!
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Old 12-18-2013, 06:51 PM   #99 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by ImStillToni View Post
Fuck being your kid's friend. this is why the gap between generations is now 14-18 years when it used to be 20-30+ yrs. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see the correlation between these kids getting handed everything to them by their friend/parents and then can't do shit on their own without being coddled or autocorrect.
I completely agree that parents should be your parents not your friends but I have no clue where you get the idea that the generation gap is getting smaller? Unless that is a USA specific statistic (and I really hope that the teen pregnancy rate is not that horrible yet) people are getting married and having babies later in life than ever before in history.
Not only that also the gap between generally more conservative old and more liberal young people has been getting more pronounced. Yes some of us 30 something's feel like we never really grew up but I am pretty sure a normal teenager thinks I am a boring old dinosaur with no clue what is hip.
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Old 12-18-2013, 06:52 PM   #100 (permalink)
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piff you fucking cunt, stop deleting your fucking posts you screaming faggot
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