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Old 11-13-2014, 09:11 PM   #65831 (permalink)
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Old 11-14-2014, 08:17 AM   #65832 (permalink)
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I can replicate the death grip in a vagina but most women can't handle that much concentrated man.
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Old 11-14-2014, 05:44 PM   #65833 (permalink)
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Old 11-14-2014, 07:36 PM   #65834 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by campy View Post
When men grip their cocks and jerk it at unrealistic speed and pressure that no mere mortal female vagina can possibly replicate destroying these mens sex lives until the fix that shit.
So I recently bought a Fleshlight. This is a wonderful invention. It is a fake vagina/ masterbator in the shape of a flashlight. I paid $149 for it. As the cashier at the adult store rang me up she says, "Oh and you're going to need this bottle lube, as well."

Now. I'm what you some might call, "a cheap bastard." I personally consider myself frugle, but cheap bitch, nonetheless. It was a tiny bottle and it cost $22.95. So I declined. The fake vag came with a little thimble worth of lube and I figured I'd buy more at a regular/ cheaper store.

When I got home I googled the Fleshlight and saw that it sold for much less online. $79.99 in fact. "Good," I thought. They beat me for the jerk off thingy but not the lube! So I pop in the batteries. Insert my cock. And enter bliss almost immediately. A few days go by, I come home at 2am bar time and give it another whirl.

Time passes. A couple weeks go by and I still haven't purchased the proper lubricant. It's been a long night of drinking and drugging. I'm horny as hell and grab the ol' Fleshlight from the closet. I was kinda fucked up and out of lube. I guess in my haze I assumed regular tap water would suffice. I ran it under the sink and gave it a go. I vaguely remember it taking longer than the last few times.

Jump to a week ahead. The head of my penis looks like a horror movie. The length of the shaft, on the top, has this long strip of dry skin. I've been alternating between Neosporin and lotion. It looks like a carrot peeler was dragged over top!

Worse part I is I had to cancel a date. My dick looks so horrific, I'm sure if the gal got a look she would either figure I have a new form of STD or ebola penis or something.

So remember kids. Don't be like your old Uncle Piffo. Always jerk with lubricant. For the total cost is: no sex, no jerking, and ultimately ends with hospital penis.

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Old 11-15-2014, 07:06 AM   #65835 (permalink)
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Shit dude, lube is like 7 bucks at the pharmacy.

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Old 11-15-2014, 07:25 AM   #65836 (permalink)
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lmao piffbby & campo
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Old 11-15-2014, 08:17 AM   #65837 (permalink)
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I'm new to the pleasures of lube....once you go greasy, turning back ain't so easy.
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Old 11-15-2014, 12:16 PM   #65838 (permalink)
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Yea, you got robbed.
Also where did the batteries go?
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Old 11-15-2014, 01:18 PM   #65839 (permalink)
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Yea, you got robbed.
Also where did the batteries go?
As an environmentalist I firmly believe in: recycle, reduce, and reuse...

...so I shoved them up my ass
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Old 11-15-2014, 01:20 PM   #65840 (permalink)
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Shit dude, lube is like 7 bucks at the pharmacy.

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One could make the argument that my dick is worth less than $7...

but I hear ya. lol
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