How are you all doing in Corona times?

[The Girl]

Oh no I’m so sorry to hear that. Sorry for your loss. Not much to say or do. I hope you are surrounded with love as much as possible right now.


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[shoebootie]

Sparrow, I’m so sorry for your loss. This is heartbreaking to go through.

[Apia resurrected]

Today I was at a non covid related funeral.
A college from my work I liked a lot died of sudden heart failure at 53.
It was extremely sad, he das two daughters 17 and 19 and one of them found him. It was on their vacation.
It was the first time since February that I’ve seen my colleagues in the flash and not on the screen via teams.
We were not allowed inside ( because of COVID) but could be in the courtyard and listen to the ceremony on loudspeakers while social distancing.

It was extremely emotional. I was happy to see people from my company while being very devastated.
I cried a lot under my big sunglasses. All the feelings today, now I’m drained.

[LoopyLou79]

I think this situation is starting to take its toll on everybody, sorry for your loss.

[Apia resurrected]

Originally Posted by LoopyLou79

I think this situation is starting to take its toll on everybody, sorry for your loss.

Somehow I feel guilty for being happy to see people on this sad occasion.

[The Girl]

Wow that’s rough. Those teenagers have a bunch to deal with.

I’m sorry for your loss Apia. Glad you got to go to the ceremony.


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[Apia resurrected]

Originally Posted by The Girl

Wow that’s rough. Those teenagers have a bunch to deal with.

I’m sorry for your loss Apia. Glad you got to go to the ceremony.


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It’s hard for them, that’s for sure.
In the ceremony it was said that he lost his father when he was 20, also from heart problems and that this has a huge impact on his life.
I didn’t know the daughters but I knew of them, on a long travel to a convention he talked about how he at first wasn’t sure about having kids, but his wife wanted them and how glad he was to have them and how much he loved them.
About how challenging it was to deal with teenage drama and how he always wanted to help them but knew they needed to find their own way.

My supervisor was also there, I haven’t seen him face to face since February as well. I was glad he was there, he used to be the supervisor of Marcus ( the dead college) in the past. I was glad to see he cared enough to make the 3 hour trip.

[Apia resurrected]

And with this funeral my parents had a relapse into not great territory. Encouraged by them being nice and understanding in last months I asked them if they could the dog for the day ( didn’t know when I would be back) That was no problem.
While I was there to bring the dog I told them that I was sad and felt like crying.
This made them pretty mad.
They told me to get it together and that I wasn’t so sad when my grandfather recently died, and that my feelings were wrong basically.

When my grandfather died this year I had lots of ambivalent feelings, because he was a cold person, probably had some mental problems himself and couldn’t connect to anyone. He might have never asked me a real question or talked about even one feeling. My grandmother lived until a few years ago and she managed all the social stuff for him.
When he died he was 90 and wanted to go. I was sad, but also we had no real relationship. Was it my fault? I don’t think so. We left Poland when I was 12 and when I saw him, maybe one a year there was no real talk.

I am in therapy and talked about it with the lady, she said it’s not easy when my parents are often good and than feel threatened by my negative feelings and want to forbid them. If it was only so easy.

I talked with my mother about this incident and it’s somehow ok, but also not because I think they will never change in this.
So I guess some feelings must never be shown to them. Luckily I can tell Mr. Apia and he understands. ( he is also not perfect, just 90% good if you are into introverted nerds, and I am)

[The Girl]

Wow that’s a lot to deal with Apia!

My parents also don’t like “negative” emotions. Glad you stood in your truth.

Mr Apia sounds lovely.


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[Apia resurrected]

Now with high Covid again, I feel only real good when I’m in bed in the evening and can cover myself up completely, with just my nose sticking out. It gives me a feeling of safety.
Luckily I can always sleep well, my body takes control and shuts down.
It’s too much to deal with.
In the morning, it’s 06:34 here, I don’t want to leave my bed and deal with everything. My favorite college quit yesterday, will we replace her, or should we?
Can the new person even do something now?
My son’s birthday is in 3 weeks, he will be 5, he asks every day when his birthday is and I don’t know what we can do ( not a lot)
It makes me very sad.

Today I have at least an online seminar all day so I’m busy and know what to do.