I Have A Problem With Alcohol.

[Dean from Australia]

I asked my 7 year old tonight if I scared him last night when I was off my face - he went all quiet and just nodded. He then told me the things I said and I was just horrified. I told him that what I did was terrible and I am so sorry he and my daughter had to witness it.

I don't think I could turn to pot. I would simply be replacing one vice with another.

For them and for myself, I have to do this...

[campy]

If you are feeling " weak" down the line, my suggestion is to try dope instead of slipping back to old patterns. If you are the kind to have a vice, let it be the mellowing kind. It is just a suggestion. Try 0 tolerance for awhile, see how you do.

You're taking control and thats a huge step. My dad was a binge drinker, he quit on the spot when my mom threatened to leave. He hasnt had a drop since and i am proud of him for that. For him, burning is like having a few beers after work. I think its kept him off the booze which has been his goal since that day.

[Junkenstein]

i was pretty much where you are man. If you wanna qyuit, then rehab helps. theres a level of physical hook that they help you with, they do it with any subvstance abuse. Im sureyou coudl try and do it on your own but i can trell you, its hard, especially for guys like us that hacve holes in their hearts. Nothing shameful in asking for help.

[Paraquat]

You have to become master of your demons.
I used to be such that if I started drinking I wouldn't stop until I was unable to continue.
If I opened a bottle I wasn't done until it was empty.
It lead to a lot of not good choices and probably almost got myself killed a ton of times. I lost a lot of friends. I've since gained a little control over it but I had to spend about 5 years being sober and working out issues that only surfaced while annihilated drunk.

I can have one or two drinks now and I know to back off.

The point is that it takes work and time.

[BrianAlt]

I agree. Get help. Don't do it alone.

[The Girl]

Dean,

I'm so proud of you for taking this step.

All the feelings that you're going through (shame, anxiety, etc) are normal. That's part ofthe reason to get help. You'll be surrounded by people who have been through what you're going through and can offer you tools to help manage your sobriety.

You don't have to commit to AA but give it a go. They are easy to find and won't cost you anything.

Good job and Good luck!

[lizzy1e]

I think it's great that you've taken the first step and were able to see you have a problem. Definitely join a support program of some sort so you don't have to go it alone. Another slightly more hippyish suggestion that I highly recommend is to start each morning by writing three pages just to clear your head and organise your thoughts for the day. Anything that comes to mind in those first few moments of the day no matter how silly. It works wonders.

Stay strong and good luck.

[Hennessy]

Dude I already DID Bottom 10 drinking moments. Why you gotta hold out the best story on me till now??

Dean- CONGRATULATIONS! This is the first day of the rest of your life as a dad, husband and friend that can be trusted and leaned on and looked up to.
Yeah, it'll take a time to re-build that trust and to wane the fears you've instilled in your family.
The good news is, you've already begun AND its totally possible to do!

Dude. I'm proud of you too. For getting in here and telling on yourself.
You're going to have a lot of people try to downplay it or pressure you into "drinking a DIFFERENT kind" or "just slowing down" - or whatever. Guess what? Those people probably also have a problem and are threatened by your steps to sobriety because they don't want to think that they'd ever have to get sober either.
And don't forget that YOU have a BUILT IN FORGETTER. That's why this has happened more than once. And over time you will begin to forget it again and wonder if you can control yourself after all. You can't help it. It's built in.
And you 'telling on yourself' to the forums, your parents, etc. is a great way to be held accountable.
Go to a few different AA meetings. They are helpful. They will meep you accountable. Take what you want and leave the rest but you can really find some great people there who have been through the SAME FUCKING THING AS YOU and will see you as you really are-People that don't drink often but sometimes ruin their entire life in the spanse of...7 hours.
Go with an open mind and keep going. Maybe you won't go forever but you have proven that you are not in control and the group will keep you accountable and if nothing else, man youll hear some stories that Hollywood cant touch! :-)

Keep it up Dean. You're in the perfect place. Don't waste this gift of desperation.
And keep us updated!

[Dean from Australia]

Hah - sorry Lauren *facepalm*

There's form in my lineage surrounding drinking.

My grandfather on my mother's side was a rolled gold alcoholic. He spent most of his adult life drunk and his family - my Nana, my Mum and her three siblings paid dearly for it. I have only heard snippets of what he did from others in my family but it was fairly heinous. There was physical abuse and psychological abuse that spanned a couple of decades. Understandably, my Mum has never spoken of it herself moreso because she can't rather than won't.

He got his come uppance though. He drank himself into a stroke and became pretty much a vegetable for the last 10 years of his life.

My Dad was a heavy drinker when I was younger. He was a less than stellar individual when drunk but he never laid a hand on my brother or I. I doubt that Mum would ever have allowed it to happen anyway. She woulda ripped his nuts off - and came close sometimes. Dad arrived at a point some years ago where he decided drinking was ruining him and he got himself onto this huge health kick. He actually still enjoys a beer and a wine but has developed an incredible sense of restraint where he can be happy with one or two stubbies or a glass of wine like once a week. He hasn't been drunk in 20 years.

At this moment, I don't trust myself to exercise restraint and I'm actually scared of alcohol. I'm scared that I am more aligned with my grandfather in terms of potential for arseholery and damage and therefore, by extension, I am scared of myself. There is not other option for me than to commit to a cold stop.

bw81 posted a link to a South Australian AA here last night. I took a look at it...

This thread has suddenly become the most important life line I have right at this moment.

I love you all...

I fucking mean that.

[Scumhook]

Originally Posted by Hennessy

Dude I already DID Bottom 10 drinking moments. Why you gotta hold out the best story on me till now??

lol

Originally Posted by Hennessy

You're going to have a lot of people try to downplay it or pressure you into "drinking a DIFFERENT kind" or "just slowing down" - or whatever. Guess what? Those people probably also have a problem and are threatened by your steps to sobriety because they don't want to think that they'd ever have to get sober either.

Nailed it. As usual.

The thought of someone stopping drinking triggered a visceral reaction in my gut. Almost terror.

I didn't even realise until I read this post, and replayed how I felt when I read Deano's shit.

I don't want Deano to stop. I'd rather have him keep drinking and be OK, because (I guess) that excuses me and my failures. Dean - bear this in mind, especially in our piss-soaked culture. I'm sorry for weighing in with what in hindsight were fucked ideas. I was coming from a place of ignorance and fear, and didn't even realise it.

Fuck you all for once again opening my eyes to something I'd rather not see.

Originally Posted by Dean from Australia

I love you all...

Fag. <3