I Have A Problem With Alcohol.

[Dean from Australia]

Originally Posted by Scumhook

lol


Nailed it. As usual.

The thought of someone stopping drinking triggered a visceral reaction in my gut. Almost terror.

I didn't even realise until I read this post, and replayed how I felt when I read Deano's shit.

I don't want Deano to stop. I'd rather have him keep drinking and be OK, because (I guess) that excuses me and my failures. Dean - bear this in mind, especially in our piss-soaked culture. I'm sorry for weighing in with what in hindsight were fucked ideas. I was coming from a place of ignorance and fear, and didn't even realise it.

Fuck you all for once again opening my eyes to something I'd rather not see.




Fag. <3

I read your posts thinking - on one hand - that you were taking the piss with your tongue planted in your cheek. On the other hand I was like ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod you can't say this to me right now.

It's all good.

[Scumhook]

Originally Posted by Dean from Australia

I read your posts thinking - on one hand - that you were taking the piss with your tongue planted in your cheek. On the other hand I was like ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod you can't say this to me right now.

It's all good.

I was in two minds as to whether to post that last post.

Glad I did.

If only to see an Australian man type "ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod "

[scotticus]

Before I comment, I need to know if Dean was drunk when he shit on Danny's podcast.

[Dean from Australia]

Originally Posted by scotticus

Before I comment, I need to know if Dean was drunk when he shit on Danny's podcast.

No - I was a cunt, but I wasn't drunk.

[scotticus]

Originally Posted by Dean from Australia

No - I was a cunt, but I wasn't drunk.

Interesting. So maybe you're just a cunt underneath it all and it comes out when you're drunk? Anyway, I support any venture that keeps your personality bottled up.

In all seriousness, if you can't control yourself then switching drinks isn't going to change anything. Ethanol is ethanol. If you don't know that you're done drinking after a few drinks and can't learn moderation, it's probably better to stop.

I'm a quasi-functional alcoholic. After a few missteps (staggering home and puking after overdoing it) I've gradually taught myself my limits, but I also have never blacked out and blown up my life while drunk. It might not be your bag.

Try weed.

[Keith]

I say listen to Chemda's What's My Name shows such as the one on meth and heroin and see if any of those could be an alternative.

Good luck.

[Dean from Australia]

This idea of replacing alcohol with weed...I don't get it. I suck at weed so I'd be fucked either way.

I just relistened to Lauren's show with Katharine Hellar *cough* ♥ *cough*, Keith and Chemda and I couldn't decide if I was reviled (now) or whether it was still as hilarious as it was on the first listen. I've decided to go with the latter, because smiling and shit has gotta be a positive right?

[Sparrow]

you aren't reviled, dean. you're one of us for better or for worse. we all act a fool sometimes. sometimes quite grandly. sometimes a lot. don't question if you belong here. you belong here.

some wonderful things you've done already:

seeing your patterns

recognizing you have a problem

owning up to your actions with people you've affected

apologizing sincerely

holding yourself accountable to trusted, loving support systems

being willing to receive help

being open to working towards forgiveness and trust building

-----

that shame you're feeling, it's a wake up call. a little tip from one among the repeatedly fallen: forgive yourself. shame can be really useful in these initial doings, but dean, especially i think for you, it can eat your will. it can hinder your accepting forgiveness and stall your progression forward. as you go along, put YOU on your list of people to make it right with. you're human. it's ok. let yourself be loved; by your family, by your friends, and by yourself. it's gonna take the all a' ya's.

we love you. we are here to help you through this. game on, fucks.

[Dean from Australia]

It's been a pretty emotional day - due in no small part to the words of empathy, advice and encouragement that I have read here.

Thank you Sparrow for your supreme kindness in that post of yours.

My serioso and I talked things through in much more depth today and I have come to realize that this is a greater problem than I was aware of. I have engaged in a loose pattern of binge drinking that has existed for more than a couple of years, to the point where she has dreaded many a social occasion because of it. And I can pretty much put a bead on most of those occasions if I really think about it.

While I have never once gotten physical with her or the kids - she assured me of that - there have been times where I have frightened the fuck out of them with my arsehole behaviour.

Where did it all begin?

I don't know if there has been any sort of trigger incident, even though there has been a few critical incidents over the past few years that affected me more than I'd care to admit. Whether they have contributed significantly enough to this pattern of drinking behaviour - I don't know. I don't want to cop out and "blame" anything external to my own failings as a person but is that fair to me?

I have shed a fair number of tears today and I feel more ashamed now of what I have done - particularly after last weekend - but over the last few years in a large number of situations that have been put before me. Thankfully, my serioso is well and truly in my corner. For that, I am truly grateful.

So I'm really worried about my birthday, this coming Sunday in my hometown. A whole bunch of people are coming to this bistro where it is being held. There will be alcohol, (a fairly large bar tab has already been paid for in advance), and I have committed to not drinking at all. I know that the pressure will be on me. I'll try and justify having "just one or two" but I don't want to. My serioso and I tried to come up with a way for me to avoid offers of a beer or a wine but I have know idea. I told her today that I just have to have the balls to refrain and politely knock back those offers if they come forth.

I have actually talked myself into dreading the whole thing at this point.

[Keith]

If you feel you need an excuse, go with the, "I'm taking a break this week. Wooo... My goodness..."

You're an adult now though, and no one will expect you to need one. But, again, if you feel you must, that's a good one. It's implies you are so hardcore you won't even drink on your birthday!

However, I feel you'll never truly heal unless you spell out right here what you said that was so damaging.

I just took a poll. Everyone agrees.