Kill Myself.

[Dean from Australia]

Annnnd...Go.

[Keith]

You know someone has to start it.

Starting the thread isn't the hard part...

[Scumhook]

Is this thread a cry for help, or have you been into the Shiraz?

[Scumhook]

Typical Deano Friday arvo:

[Dean from Australia]

AHHH - HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

Fucking Shiraz - what are you, from Queensland?

[Dean from Australia]

This is a cut and paste of another post back on the show threads in which I was agreeing with Keith's belief that depressed people sometimes take solace in their depression.

There have been a few events in the past 10 years that have contributed to my own diagnosis of depression - I'll put my childhood to one side for now wherein there were several more.

In 2004, when my first marriage broke down, the six or so months leading up to it and the year or so after it was so dark for me that I took great comfort in locking myself away in my bedroom, curled up in a ball in my bed with the covers pulled up over me. There was, absolutely a twisted sense of comfort in hiding away, not having to face the world or the people in it and wallowing in destructive thinking. It got to the point, for me where I was scared when I felt anything other than those emotions.

A few years later, when I was diagnosed with my tumour - (a recurrence, by the way) - I became anxious about my own mortality. I saw my own life as something chaotic, something that could fail at any moment and I returned to the darkened bedroom, the bed and the covers pulled up over myself. I became addicted to prescription pills and took more and more of them with hard alochol. The darkness and the dark emotions returned and I welcomed them. I fucking welcomed them and it took me a long time to shake them off.

Then, after I was assaulted at work, to within an inch of my life, a couple of years back, again, I began to see the world in a fatalistic/chaotic hue. I grew distrustful of people, my friends and even my own family. Conversely, I grew trustful of the bottle and wiping myself out over and over again so that I would not have to face the negative emotions that being assaulted threw up at me. And, once again - back to the bedroom, back to the bed with the covers pulled up over me, the dark emotions and thoughts. Well, fuck me, hello old friend! Give us a kiss.

When I heard the news about Robin Williams this week, my gut reaction was to feel sick. Because I knew where he'd gotten himself to and I knew that he would have felt more comfortable there than here. Those dark emotions - the darkness - it threatens me every single day. But I get help. I talk to someone - a qualified someone who can address my disease in a dispassionate and clinical way that isn't coloured by friendship or emotional investment or mistaken notions of "knowing what I'm going through."

And I take pills (though I'd rather not.)

[Scumhook]

Originally Posted by Dean from Australia

AHHH - HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

Fucking Shiraz - what are you, from Queensland?

Let me guess - you're a riesling drinker

[Dean from Australia]

Originally Posted by Scumhook

Let me guess - you're a riesling drinker

Now you're being a bitch.

Cab Sav or get the fuck out.

[Scumhook]

Originally Posted by Dean from Australia

Now you're being a bitch.

Cab Sav or get the fuck out.

lol yeah Cab Sav ftw

[bithead]

Less wine talk, more killing.