I kissed a girl...

[doctorsleep]

And I liked it.

God I fucking despise katy perry.

Okay, so I went to a party with some freinds, we all got drunk, me and this female friend of mine flirted a bit I was mostly just messing around with her because I seriously DO NOT want a relationship with this girl. Its not that shes a bad person or anything, its just that she is way to wild for me. (yes she is a bisexual older girl with tattoo's and facial piercings who smokes) but there is more too it then that. There was a hot tub everyone was in and she pretty much gave me a lap dance and made very sensual motions with beer bottles.

I would just like to say that even though I was drunker then I have ever been in my life I think I was a smooth mother fucker, since I really don't want to have anything serious with this girl I was WAY comfortable and it was easy to just play around and have fun with her. We talked alone in a hallway for a while and kissed a few times.

Since I have never kissed a girl before Kissing was such a huge thing in my head, even bigger then sex because kissing comes before sex (unless there is money involved) So I was always expecting my first kiss to be this amazing sensual emotional expression of love and all that other gay stuff.

But it seriously was just two drunk people getting a little closer together,

NO BIG DEAL

I see it now, Ive been wrong this whole time and everyone has been right!

ITS NO BIG DEAL!!!

I fucking get it now!!!

God damn I was such a moron.

While I know that I never really would I thought about how I would love to just fuck her brains out, even though we were both drunk I was still sober enough for it to not even realistically cross my mind. She even offered but she was WAY drunk and probably didn't mean it. Like I said, I really really don't want to have a relationship with this girl, there is just too much history between us and even if the sex was just a one time kind of deal I'm still not far enough in my growth to be comfortable with it.

But I am starting to see that kissing, sex, ect really is only as big a deal as you make it. And even though it didn't mean anything I have my first kiss under my belt (not literally UNDER my belt, but you get my point) anyway, since it wasan't a big deal but felt good and I'm not having huge regrets about my first kiss not being with my soul mate I can start to see how sex with someone who I wouldn't have an intention to marry or anything like that can be no big deal.

It felt good, and I know that if its with someone I love then it can feel even better, but now that I have atleast KISSED a girl thats SOOO much pressure off of me because I know that emotional intimacy and physical intimacy, while I would think that they could multiply on each other, they can be independent of each other.

I know I'm rambling but I think I'm really starting to see some light here am I finally starting to get this whole "be a person" thing right?