would you forgive cheating?

Junkenstein · 12-26-2010, 10:29 AM

If you were really in love with someone would you try to forgive them if they cheated on you and told you it was an accident.

This goes for people in an open relationship too, when i say cheated, i mean did it in a hidden manner and then confessed or got caught.

Personally i wouldnt for various reasons: i wouldnt be able to believe it could be an isolated accident, my trust id hard to get and very easy to destroy and i am a very unforgiving person, especially when it comes ot hurt feelings.

starting the discussion mostly cause i noticed h0ow a good percentage of people lets this stuff go, and its eems insane to me i cant get how much its a lack of signity, co-dependence and how much its love (and where those things actually intertwine).

NOTE. lets be clear, this is for discussion. nothing personal or offensive. i just always found the discussion over delicate topics interesting and productive, and the backbone of this community. and its lacking lately.

Sparrow · 12-26-2010, 10:31 AM

wha happa, junk?

Junkenstein · 12-26-2010, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparrow

wha happa, junk?

absolutely nothing. im trying to start a few lively topics. its a slow day.

madeyeshawn · 12-26-2010, 10:38 AM

I would say if you cheat in the first two years of the relationship, game over. If mistakes happen later on, it can possibly be an understandable mistake of "One lover fatigue". Maybe I get to cheat back, explore some new sexual horizons and exct...

A physical betrayal/Accident shouldn't happen early if its a good relationship. But I feel like even the most "perfectly" matched couples will be tempted at some point down the stretch.

Not saying its right, or an easy fix; but its understandable and maybe something that can be worked out.

TeddyPicker · 12-26-2010, 10:42 AM

I should preface all my comments below with this: I do not believe in monogamy.

Having said that, if you've entered the terms and conditions of a relationship that does not allow for extra-marital trysts, then you should not be forgiven for cheating.
If you're at that point in a relationship, you should be perceptive enough to realize if you're ready for that kind of commitment, what kind of commitment that is, and also that your relationship has broken down to a point where you want to see other people, and that you should break it off.

Both of my parents were adulterers and it ruined their lives, even 15-20 years later. I try to take the silver lining from that to know not to be stupid enough to let it happen to me.

doctorsleep · 12-26-2010, 10:44 AM

Never...NEVER

Unforgivable, if she cheats on you then she wants the relationship to be over anyway and shes just a using bitch who doesn't even deserve to be spit on.

Same goes for guys, that shit makes me furious when I see girls take back guys who cheated on them.

I just don't get it, if you absolutely NEED to be with more then one person in that amount of time why even bother having a relationship

Junkenstein · 12-26-2010, 10:45 AM

yeah, it can happen, i just think i couldnt forgive it and i never could (although i change every few weeks, so...)

Trust is already so hard to have, on both sides, so if there was a precedent, i would have a hard time trusting the other perons, and i wouldnt expect to be trusted either.

Everytime one of the two was in a potentially bad situation, it would b e stomach pains. and that wouldnt be love it would be a chore.

Also, ive been critical of open relationships (but i am critical of everyhing myself included) but theres a strong openness and trust in those that is much more difficult to have in monogamy.

That said i still wouldnt be able to deal with the other person bein with someone else.

But with cheating, i mean lying.

madeyeshawn · 12-26-2010, 10:46 AM

Doctorsleep knows from experience.

KarmaKitten · 12-26-2010, 10:47 AM

I don't think I could ever forgive my hubby if he cheated on me. I think about it from time to time or maybe I have had a nightmare about it, and I can feel the heartache and physical pain. I don't ever want to truly experience that. I don't think cheating can ever be and accident. Your penis didn't "accidently" fall inside another woman's vagina. I know on the other hand I would have a hard time letting go of the relationship, but I don't think I could continue, lying to myself. My trust would have been broken and my dreams shattered.

This is kind of a depressing topic to think about.

BrianAlt · 12-26-2010, 10:52 AM

Maybe.

Conditions and reasons would have to be enough for me to understand the WHY. So, probably not, but maybe.

12-26-2010, 10:29 AM	#1 (permalink)
Junkenstein Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Northern Italy (No Guidos Here) Posts: 6,784	would you forgive cheating? If you were really in love with someone would you try to forgive them if they cheated on you and told you it was an accident. This goes for people in an open relationship too, when i say cheated, i mean did it in a hidden manner and then confessed or got caught. Personally i wouldnt for various reasons: i wouldnt be able to believe it could be an isolated accident, my trust id hard to get and very easy to destroy and i am a very unforgiving person, especially when it comes ot hurt feelings. starting the discussion mostly cause i noticed h0ow a good percentage of people lets this stuff go, and its eems insane to me i cant get how much its a lack of signity, co-dependence and how much its love (and where those things actually intertwine). NOTE. lets be clear, this is for discussion. nothing personal or offensive. i just always found the discussion over delicate topics interesting and productive, and the backbone of this community. and its lacking lately. Last edited by Junkenstein; 12-26-2010 at 10:32 AM.
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12-26-2010, 10:31 AM	#2 (permalink)
Sparrow Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Georgia Posts: 5,397	wha happa, junk?
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12-26-2010, 10:38 AM	#4 (permalink)
madeyeshawn Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Chicago Posts: 1,006	I would say if you cheat in the first two years of the relationship, game over. If mistakes happen later on, it can possibly be an understandable mistake of "One lover fatigue". Maybe I get to cheat back, explore some new sexual horizons and exct... A physical betrayal/Accident shouldn't happen early if its a good relationship. But I feel like even the most "perfectly" matched couples will be tempted at some point down the stretch. Not saying its right, or an easy fix; but its understandable and maybe something that can be worked out. Last edited by madeyeshawn; 12-26-2010 at 10:42 AM.
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12-26-2010, 10:42 AM	#5 (permalink)
TeddyPicker Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: London UK (with Big Ben!), Posts: 1,084	I should preface all my comments below with this: I do not believe in monogamy. Having said that, if you've entered the terms and conditions of a relationship that does not allow for extra-marital trysts, then you should not be forgiven for cheating. If you're at that point in a relationship, you should be perceptive enough to realize if you're ready for that kind of commitment, what kind of commitment that is, and also that your relationship has broken down to a point where you want to see other people, and that you should break it off. Both of my parents were adulterers and it ruined their lives, even 15-20 years later. I try to take the silver lining from that to know not to be stupid enough to let it happen to me.
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12-26-2010, 10:44 AM	#6 (permalink)
doctorsleep Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 248	Never...NEVER Unforgivable, if she cheats on you then she wants the relationship to be over anyway and shes just a using bitch who doesn't even deserve to be spit on. Same goes for guys, that shit makes me furious when I see girls take back guys who cheated on them. I just don't get it, if you absolutely NEED to be with more then one person in that amount of time why even bother having a relationship
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12-26-2010, 10:45 AM	#7 (permalink)
Junkenstein Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Northern Italy (No Guidos Here) Posts: 6,784	yeah, it can happen, i just think i couldnt forgive it and i never could (although i change every few weeks, so...) Trust is already so hard to have, on both sides, so if there was a precedent, i would have a hard time trusting the other perons, and i wouldnt expect to be trusted either. Everytime one of the two was in a potentially bad situation, it would b e stomach pains. and that wouldnt be love it would be a chore. Also, ive been critical of open relationships (but i am critical of everyhing myself included) but theres a strong openness and trust in those that is much more difficult to have in monogamy. That said i still wouldnt be able to deal with the other person bein with someone else. But with cheating, i mean lying. Last edited by Junkenstein; 12-26-2010 at 10:47 AM.
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12-26-2010, 10:46 AM	#8 (permalink)
madeyeshawn Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Chicago Posts: 1,006	Doctorsleep knows from experience.
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12-26-2010, 10:47 AM	#9 (permalink)
KarmaKitten Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Kitchener, Ontario, Canada Posts: 26	I don't think I could ever forgive my hubby if he cheated on me. I think about it from time to time or maybe I have had a nightmare about it, and I can feel the heartache and physical pain. I don't ever want to truly experience that. I don't think cheating can ever be and accident. Your penis didn't "accidently" fall inside another woman's vagina. I know on the other hand I would have a hard time letting go of the relationship, but I don't think I could continue, lying to myself. My trust would have been broken and my dreams shattered. This is kind of a depressing topic to think about. __________________ Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. "They're equal opportunity fucker-uppers." - Lewis Black
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12-26-2010, 10:52 AM	#10 (permalink)
BrianAlt Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Northern NJ Posts: 4,690	Maybe. Conditions and reasons would have to be enough for me to understand the WHY. So, probably not, but maybe.
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