My wife just left me, please help

[Adamus]

So, I found out last night that my wife's remaining grandfather passed away last night. It's a real shame. He was a good man and very strong until the cancer took it away. We knew that his time was getting close, but she was hoping to get home before he passed. We had a ski trip there (she's from France) planned for Feb.

I sent an email to her parents this morning offering my condolences. I know things are shitting between us right now, but I still love her and care about her and her family. After all, I've been part of her family for years now and added her family name onto mine when we got married.

There's an old photo of her grandfather that's up on the wall in our living room. She emailed me this morning asking to scan it and send it to her. She's not going to be able to make it to his funeral, so she's going to write something to be read and wanted a photo of him to share.

I also went through our digital photo collection and found other photos of him and the family at various events that we attended over the last 6 years. Of course, most of the photos I saw were of us on our European vacations, our wedding in France, and very happy times. It was extremely hard to do, but I felt it was a nice gesture. After I sent them, she thanked me and said that she really appreciated it.

There is so much drama going on. Just when I think things can't get any worse or more complicated, more shit goes down. Sigh.

[Scumhook]

Originally Posted by Adamus

Talking to you guys is one of the only things that's keeping me from jumping off a bridge right now.

I'm a noob, and I'm coming in a bit late to this discussion, but I would like to lend my support to you in this dark time. Your discussion with KATG was heartwarming & amusing, and your wife is poorer for not having you in her life.

Keep your chin up. There are plenty more bitches out there.

Also, if you do jump off the bridge, can you arrange a live feed so we can watch? It would be extra cool if you had a KATG tshirt on, or maybe a KATG tattoo on your bare arse.

[Dean from Australia]

There's no harm in maintaining your integrity and being the nice guy. Occasionally that frustrate the hell out of the other party. But don't try and see something here - a chance or whatever - because it's not there.

[Rufio]

Originally Posted by Adamus

So, I found out last night that my wife's remaining grandfather passed away last night. It's a real shame. He was a good man and very strong until the cancer took it away. We knew that his time was getting close, but she was hoping to get home before he passed. We had a ski trip there (she's from France) planned for Feb.

I sent an email to her parents this morning offering my condolences. I know things are shitting between us right now, but I still love her and care about her and her family. After all, I've been part of her family for years now and added her family name onto mine when we got married.

There's an old photo of her grandfather that's up on the wall in our living room. She emailed me this morning asking to scan it and send it to her. She's not going to be able to make it to his funeral, so she's going to write something to be read and wanted a photo of him to share.

I also went through our digital photo collection and found other photos of him and the family at various events that we attended over the last 6 years. Of course, most of the photos I saw were of us on our European vacations, our wedding in France, and very happy times. It was extremely hard to do, but I felt it was a nice gesture. After I sent them, she thanked me and said that she really appreciated it.

There is so much drama going on. Just when I think things can't get any worse or more complicated, more shit goes down. Sigh.

This might sound rough but keep in mind that you guys are not getting back together. If she was really close to him and this is really upsetting to her she might reach out for emotional support. Don't confuse that with getting back together because as soon as she gets what she needs she'll go right back to where she was at before this and you'll be left even more disappointed.

[campy]

I have to agree with the other posters, the death of her grandfather is a pause in the battle but the battle isn't over. You can feel good about yourself for putting the family ahead of your hurt feelings, that is a class move. She can't fault you for anything and it might go a ways in smoothing out the hard feelings so you can split but still maintain your dignity.

[Adamus]

So, it's been a while since I posted about what's going on and a lot has happened in the interim, so I thought I'd post a quick update.

Basically, it's very much over now. We did see each other a few times in the past month (as "friends"), but it was awkward and difficult (much more so for me). Part of me still had a small amount of hope that we would be able to resolve things.

We live in Ontario, Canada and I went home to Nova Scotia for the holidays. While I was there, I agreed that it would be okay for her to stay in the house and take care of our dog while I was away. We were texting daily and on xmas day, she wanted to have a Skype video call so she could wish my family a merry xmas. Overall, it was good, but my mother was crying when they talked...my parents loved her like a daughter. After that, I actually had more hope than ever that things would turn around.

Then, two days later, when I was hanging out with my buddy playing Call of Duty, I get a text from her. Basically saying that it's completely over and that she would only communicate with me to discuss our divorce and would only do that in writing. She also sent an email to my parents and my brother which was very cold and mean. I completely lost it when this happened. I'll be your punching bag, but if you go after my family, that's crossing the line. I had no idea where this was coming from. My parents were so confused and heart broken, especially after the video chat they had just two days prior.

She told me that she put our dog in a kennel and left for Montreal for the rest of the holidays. I was insanely hurt and pissed. I felt helpless being so far away. She wouldn't answer her phone or respond to any of my messages. The rest of the holidays were quite hard. My best friend is also going through a very similar situation.

I had hoped that all the strength and love that I soaked up while I was in NS would sustain me when I returned to Ontario, but after getting on the plane, the further I got from NS, the more I felt all the strength and hope fade from me. By the time I walked through the door of our big, cold, empty house, I felt worse then when I left. That first night was absolute hell.

I picked up our dog from the kennel the next morning. At first, he was very happy to see me. But when we got home and he couldn't find Celine, he assumed she was in the bedroom and just sat outside the door for hours, looking depressed. Then, around 6PM, when she normally gets home from work, he sat staring at the front door, waiting for her to come home. It was heartbreaking to see. He's getting better now, though.

After all of this, I decided that once this is done, I'm going to move back to Nova Scotia. One of the saddest parts of all of this is the fact that pretty-much all of my friends in Ontario have gone "team Celine" and have abandoned me. I work from home and now essentially have no friends here for support. It's fucking horrible. My dog is the only company I have and the only in-person human interaction I've had has been with my therapist.

So, earlier this week, Celine emailed me and said that she found several mediators for us to choose from to handle the details of our divorce. We've had a few conversations over the phone and she appears to be acting reasonable now. We just both want this to be over with as quickly and fairly as possible. I'm glad that at least we're not going to have to fight this out with lawyers.

She's going to come over to the house this weekend and we're going to go through the house room by room and catalog everything we own, try to decide what goes to whom and flag any items we disagree on and have the mediators work those out. Fortunately, she said that she wants me to have the sports car and our dog. Since I'm going to be moving so far, I won't be able or have any interest in taking most of the stuff in the house. 95% of everything should be very easy to decide who it goes to. So, I'm thankful for that.

Currently, the hope is that if everything goes fast and smoothly, we'll have all this legal stuff worked out by early Feb. I'm going to pack up all of my big stuff and have it shipped to NS, then at the end of the month, I'll fly my brother to Ontario (he lives in NS), and we'll drive my car with my dog to NS. I'm currently looking for houses to rent in Halifax, so hopefully I'll find a good one for me to move in to when I arrive.

Celine will stay in the house until the swimming pool can be opened in the spring and we can put the house up for sale. We have a huge in-ground swimming pool in our back yard and it's almost impossible to sell a house with a pool during the winter. With any luck, it will sell fast and we'll split the money from the sale 50/50.

So, while this sucks big time, I know it could be a lot worse. I know that going home to my family and friends is the right thing to do. Also, my company is based in Halifax and my CEO really wants me to be there to manage the company; so, it makes since from a career standpoint too.

The next few months are going to be horrible. The loneliness is fucking brutal. I'm just going to do my best to keep my sanity, get through this shit, and start over again in NS.

Thanks again to everyone for all your support. I can't express how much it's meant to me.

And if there are any KATG fans in NS, please let me know. I'd love to hang out with you when I get back.


Cheers,
Adam

[campy]

I truly am relieved to hear that you went home for Christmas and that you are moving back for good. You aren't alone in Halifax and my guess is you'll be so much happier there, away from that big house and those brutal memories. You are lucky to be in a great place career wise, that makes life easier.

Keep us posted, good luck this weekend with the property stuff. Hope the dog relaxes too. (hugs) you're one strong dude.

[Sparrow]

Originally Posted by Adamus

I'm glad that at least we're not going to have to fight this out with lawyers.

if you can at all afford it, get a lawyer. the hot/cold is a giant red flag that she may not adhere to agreements if her mood ring changes mid-drum circle. EVERYTHING in writing: signed and dated; copies made for you, her, and your lawyer. you'll thank yourself later when you're not ass deep in a real estate dispute.

[əkoostik_rachel]

I'm new to the forums but have been listening to katg for about 4 years. My serioso (sp?) of almost 2 1/2 years just moved out. He picked up the last of his stuff today. I had to put it on the porch so I didn't see him... I sent a drunken text last night saying I missed him and he ignored it. I just realized there's no chance to reconcile and I'm a little broken.

I'm more than a little broken.

I thought he was THE ONE. We were talking marriage. My 10-year-old daughter saw him as a replacement dad (her real dad is a junkie who recently dropped out of her life).

I've isolated myself from the rest of my social crowd as a result of this relationship. To make it worse, the few friends I did see are mutual friends who I'll say will be on his side for lack of better phrasing. He's staying with one of them.

I know I'm better off but this really hurts right now. I've heard all about what a great community the forums are and how they help people get through things. I need something like that right now. I can't be this vulnerable in any other aspect of my life so I'm really hoping this works. I don't know what I'm expecting but if there's anyone who can provide something to help me feel like I'm not drowning anymore, it would mean a lot.

[əkoostik_rachel]

I'm new to the forums but have been listening to katg for about 4 years. My serioso (sp?) of almost 2 1/2 years just moved out. He picked up the last of his stuff today. I had to put it on the porch so I didn't see him... I sent a drunken text last night saying I missed him and he ignored it. I just realized there's no chance to reconcile and I'm a little broken.

I'm more than a little broken.

I thought he was THE ONE. We were talking marriage. My 10-year-old daughter saw him as a replacement dad (her real dad is a junkie who recently dropped out of her life).

I've isolated myself from the rest of my social crowd as a result of this relationship. To make it worse, the few friends I did see are mutual friends who I'll say will be on his side for lack of better phrasing. He's staying with one of them.

I know I'm better off but this really hurts right now. I've heard all about what a great community the forums are and how they help people get through things. I need something like that right now. I can't be this vulnerable in any other aspect of my life so I'm really hoping this works. I don't know what I'm expecting but if there's anyone who can provide something to help me feel like I'm not drowning anymore, it would mean a lot.