My wife just left me, please help

[bw81]

That sucks the big one. You've definitely got a support group in KATG.

I don't have first hand experience with this situation but I think a thing to do now is to put some music on, have a drink, maybe punch a few things that won't break you or the item (a pillow or something) then scream as loud as you can into a pillow (while the music is on so the neighbours don't call the cops). It's therapeutic to have a bit of an emotional explosion when she gets heavy. My only suggestion would be to not overdo the drinking - remember that nobody drinks their way out of depression. It's a depressant so don't go too stupid too often, you will spiral.

Your parents know which is good, they are worried about you and you have been able to let them know you are ok. Yeah it sucks that it wasn't on your terms but at least it is done now, the band-aid was ripped off quick smart and they can be there to help you heal when you need family to talk to.

And we know now so remember that you have some friends that you haven't met yet that are here for you too.

Shit will get better.

[PsychoLoco]

Take $1,000 out of your joint account and buy the $1,000 kick starter package. Party at the marathon and then have the show you are a guest on named "Adam from Canada is Single in NYC and is Having the Time of His Life". During those several days in NYC, you'll get all the therapy you need and something very fun to look forward to.

[dEadERest]

walk the dog. see how happy that makes him/her? gets you out, some O2 in yer blood.

[punk'n]

That really sucks. Hugs and kisses from Kansas City! And as cheesy as it sounds, every time I've gone through a break up, I get out a calendar and put an "X" through every day I get through. I promise by the time you put 30 "X"s, you'll feel better. It just takes time.

And fuck her. She was a whore anyway.


Hearts,
Punkn

[sex_n_diamonds]

Sweetheart, your parents freaking out is them showing you how much they care. Its hard that you're the one doing the comforting, and that your cunt of an ex decided to completely disrespect your wishes, but they are there. And we're all here for you too.

Take a few days, be sad, cry, look deep within yourself but after 3 days maximum of misery, put it off. Go out and get drunk with a friend. Come to Toronto and we'll do a group meeting up - it's about time any ways.

It'll get better, trust me. Never been divorced, but had a horrible breakup after 3 years. When the shitty person, the one who doesn't care enough to work at the relationship leaves, a better one will come along. It'll just take a bit of time. Hang in there.

xo
Di

P.S.

Originally Posted by Rufio

There's your problem, move somewhere warmer/sunnier. Also the girls are way hotter since they can't just hide their fat under 12 layers of coats. Trust me on this.

Hotter girls + warm weather = happiness.

I'm offended.

[tempfoot]

Well, I have been through this, more or less. Sounds like no kids in the picture. If that's accurate then that makes everything less messy. Also sound like you both earn money and it's not ending because one of you did anything wrong (cheating, beating, etc.) Those should help make the process less ugly. It may seem bad right now. My marriage was terrible (except for kids) and yet I still felt overwhelmed when it all came apart.

Originally Posted by Adamus

Faaack! My parents just called me. The ONE thing I asked her is to give me time to tell my family. ... she broke my heart

Rude, yes, but one less thing for you to check off on what is a long list of to-dos. Telling your friends and co-workers will be more than enough. If you are like me, none of them will actually be all that surprised. Your heart is not broken, and though you may be shocked, it sounds like you are self-aware enough that, if you are honest, you are not really even all that surprised.

How is your physical health? I was on anti-depressant meds for 9 years after the death of a child. I didn't get off them until I dropped the extra 70 lbs I was carrying around. Doing that allowed me to get back into a sport I loved and on a hard training program. Greatest thing I could have done for myself, and I wish I had done it years earlier. If you have room to improve yourself in this way, it would give you something very productive and confidence building to focus on, and get you out of the house as well. Since you are about to be single - the added confidence will really help. I can't say the depression never rears its head, but I've never come close to needing to go back on meds.

Bite the bullet and go talk to a lawyer. Even if you are both very agreeable in the process, it will help to know the roadmap ahead.

Keep us posted....

[Adamus]

Originally Posted by punk'n

That really sucks. Hugs and kisses from Kansas City! And as cheesy as it sounds, every time I've gone through a break up, I get out a calendar and put an "X" through every day I get through. I promise by the time you put 30 "X"s, you'll feel better. It just takes time.

And fuck her. She was a whore anyway.


Hearts,
Punkn

LOL. Thanks, Punk'n. You made me smile.

[Adamus]

Originally Posted by sex_n_diamonds

Sweetheart, your parents freaking out is them showing you how much they care. Its hard that you're the one doing the comforting, and that your cunt of an ex decided to completely disrespect your wishes, but they are there. And we're all here for you too.

Take a few days, be sad, cry, look deep within yourself but after 3 days maximum of misery, put it off. Go out and get drunk with a friend. Come to Toronto and we'll do a group meeting up - it's about time any ways.

It'll get better, trust me. Never been divorced, but had a horrible breakup after 3 years. When the shitty person, the one who doesn't care enough to work at the relationship leaves, a better one will come along. It'll just take a bit of time. Hang in there.

xo
Di

P.S.

I'm offended.

Thanks, Di. Having all of you (including two KATG Hottest Girl finalists!!!) respond and show your support means so much right now.

It's now the morning after and I'm still having a rough time processing this. I'm just really scared and alone right now. I think I'll go take my dog for a walk soon. He's been starring at the front door waiting for Celine to come home. I know he's only a dog, I know this is going to be rough on him. Thank goodness there are no kids in the picture.

Thanks again, Di. I would really love to have a KATG meetup. I've never forgotten that night in NYC for Keith's stand up/birthday a few years ago. That was one of the most fun nights of my life.

Cheers,
Adam

[Adamus]

Originally Posted by tempfoot

Well, I have been through this, more or less. Sounds like no kids in the picture. If that's accurate then that makes everything less messy. Also sound like you both earn money and it's not ending because one of you did anything wrong (cheating, beating, etc.) Those should help make the process less ugly. It may seem bad right now. My marriage was terrible (except for kids) and yet I still felt overwhelmed when it all came apart.

Rude, yes, but one less thing for you to check off on what is a long list of to-dos. Telling your friends and co-workers will be more than enough. If you are like me, none of them will actually be all that surprised. Your heart is not broken, and though you may be shocked, it sounds like you are self-aware enough that, if you are honest, you are not really even all that surprised.

How is your physical health? I was on anti-depressant meds for 9 years after the death of a child. I didn't get off them until I dropped the extra 70 lbs I was carrying around. Doing that allowed me to get back into a sport I loved and on a hard training program. Greatest thing I could have done for myself, and I wish I had done it years earlier. If you have room to improve yourself in this way, it would give you something very productive and confidence building to focus on, and get you out of the house as well. Since you are about to be single - the added confidence will really help. I can't say the depression never rears its head, but I've never come close to needing to go back on meds.

Bite the bullet and go talk to a lawyer. Even if you are both very agreeable in the process, it will help to know the roadmap ahead.

Keep us posted....

You are correct, there are no kids in picture...thank fuck. I can't imagine how hard that would be on top of everything else.

This was not a COMPLETE surprise, but I wasn't expecting it. Things haven't been great with us for a while now. We weren't really fighting, but we weren't bubbly in love, either. But last weekend we went to a Halloween costume party and had an awesome time together, were very "couplely" all night, had awesome sex when we got home and again in the morning...so, there were very recent sparks of happiness. I guess she was just hiding how unhappy she was or I was simply unable to see it.

My health is good. I exercise almost daily and I'm big into running. I've run two half-marathons this year. So, that's good therapy for me.

I see a therapist once a month and that's a big help as well. She's really helped me in many ways.

I guess I should be thankful that this happened sooner rather than latter. I'm turning 31 next month (I have the same birthday as Chemda!), so I'm not over the hill yet and no kids. So, I guess it could be a lot worse.

Thanks for your support. The KATG community really is amazing. Thank you all.

[tempfoot]

Originally Posted by Adamus

My health is good. I exercise almost daily and I'm big into running. I've run two half-marathons this year. So, that's good therapy for me.

Good job. I wish I could run but I have bad knees. The bike is the thing for me. Over 6000 miles this season, including a 'bucket list' challenge over 7 Tour climbs in the French Alps. Find a running club to join and track your training someplace like trainingpeaks.com. Set some goals you used to think impossible either for time or distance and go for it. It's a great obsessive distraction.

You really sound like you are doing the right things. Yes, it is going to suck for a while, but you will get through fine if not even better.