Sexy Potatoe Needs Advice/Help
 

Mkay, I'm in a bit of a bind...my friend was basically abandoned by her family a few months ago, she really has nowhere to go and is staying with me, but she obviously can't stay forever. The real problem is, is that she is only 16 and doesn't have access to most of her documents, she was going to a private school but her parents cut her off so she can't go back to school, she can't change schools because one needs a parent to do so, she has no source of income and no place to stay. The only solution to this problem would be to get emancipated early, the problem is we aren't quite sure how to do so, I live in NYC and if anyone has any suggestions about how to go about doing this or any other alternatives to this issue, I'd be very greatful...the last thing I need is for my bestfriend to become a crackwhore...thanx guys...

Move to Florida and live above a night club.

Or something better would be to get a family lawyer involved to give the best advice.

And then send some glitter to the parents.

i think she should get a job for a bit and learn how to live in the real world... it would be better for her to keep a bit busy. otherwise shes just going to sit at home stressing and you will have a teen basketcase on your hands... I worked at kfc fulltime when i was 16 and it didnt hurt, girls gotta get a grip on the world and fast. then she can think about the school bit. if its obvious her parents arent willing to support her you have to make sure she starts taking care of business herself.

call up child services and ask.

I'm with tbl, call up child services, not only will your friend be shoved into juve, her parents will be locked up for reckless endangerment and abandoning a child, though the first bit might not happen as you're putting her up right now.

Oh yeah and her parents molested her, don't forget that.

Do not call child services. Your friend will most likely be placed in foster care. Call a family lawer. Many will work pro bono and your friend will have lawer-client privilege. They will also know more about the workings of the family legal system than any social worker.

you heard all this from her? because thats only one side of the story, and im not convinced shes being anything but a hard headed teenager right now. i get the idea that she believes the parents dont care, but they put her in a super expensive psychiatric place. she was attending a private school. they, it sounds like, wont give her papers up to help her live on her own, most likely because they want her home. they punish her when she fucks up school. her dad apparently kicked her ass after finding out about a suicide attempt, id say thats very likely a defendable action in court, an extreme measure for an extreme situation. so if im not convinced, theres no way in hell the state will be.

verbally abusive? she probably needs to just go home and deal with it for another 18 months or so till shes 18. a single instance of her dad physically hitting her AFTER a suicide attempt wont hold up in court, and judging from her past experience, its unlikely to happen again. verbal abuse, if she feels shes old enough to make it on her own, shes old enough to thicken her own skin up and deal with it. if she cant, shes not ready for life yet, and should call some social service to put her in juvie so she can finish school.

so until you convince me of anything bad, other than her parents not giving her enough attention (sounds like they have other problems to deal with, involving keeping a marriage together, with the affairs, the vacation, whatever), she needs to go home and focus on school. school is the only thing she has to get out of her childhood, unless she wants to have a horrible life ahead of her.

sucky answer, but thats my 2 cents till i hear more.

Hey doll,

I had friends who went through that kind of drama in High School and you need to get her to The Door tommorrow ( http://www.door.org/ ) They provide legal help for free and access to a ton of other services. It's a non profit that works with but isn't run by child services.

Make sure you call ahead and give them a quick rundown of her situation and they will give you an appointment with a counselor to help sort it all out.

Good Luck and Hope this helps.

patrice.

I agree with Spooky. However harsh the circumstances, then only thing she can really do is attempt to go back home and complete her high school education. Or go get some, pays worth shit job, to get some experience under her belt. Then at least she can pay your parents some money to stay a little longer at your house. She'll really be screwed when shes a twenty something with no diploma or work experience. Take life into your own hands baby!

My vote is with Partice's advice. If it's crappy at home, and she's at least responsible enough to look for a job, then so be it. Not everyone is mature enough to do emancipation, and not all crappy home situations are just dramatic teenage story telling. look up programs like the one patrice suggested. And also, working at movie theaters ain't so bad. i did it for awhile. it's better than fast food. However, if she can find a good program, and stay in school, and make something decent of herself, its all a bigger Fuck You to the parents. Maybe check out something like Job Corps, they put you up in dorms, while you attend vocational school, and you get an "allowance". i don't know how it works with minors, esp if you become emancipated. But the program is for ages 16-24.

Well, for emancipation you'd be looking at probably a half year from start to finish, and not to mention it won't be the cheapest option. Anyway, to do it, social services will have to get involved so as to provide some greater leverage on your side, so no matter what they'll be there.

My opinion is varied. Personally I think that it would be best for her to contact social services straight out and then get them to sort everything out. If the parents are as bad as they seem, then it shouldn't be a problem to have her taken away.

Another option would be for some significant other not from her family to adopt her. It may seem over the top, though it would be a quick way to fix all the legalities and whatnot.

If you want her to keep living a relatively normal life, then just work out a way to get them to withdraw her from the private school in which she is enrolled. From there just get her to finish off school in a public high school, and emphasise the importance of her being able to go to college. The experience of going away to college is a process that will make her better able to get her head around life. Mind you, she would need to get some sort of low-interest loan or whatnot, and also work, though I'm still of the opinion that the whole thing would be of merit.

When I read back your second post, you do make a point. It is difficult to have a child leave a parent unless there is some sort of proof available. Verbal won't be enough, so the only chance would be to take some photos of any injuries that she receives from her parents. Mind you, I don't suggest that she self-harm, as someone well versed can usually tell the difference quite easily.

And gumby, don't discount social services. If she is in as much harm as she makes it out to be, then there is a dire need to place her in some sort of care. I mean, she only has about a year and a half to go until she is technically an adult anyway, so it's not all that long to be in foster care (and I know, I can't judge if I haven't experienced it myself).

But my major though is that she is making the whole thing out to be bigger than it actually is, and that she is just trying to rebel against the parents. You mentioned that she was in psychiatric care for a while, so who knows, maybe she has a mild case of conduct disorder or whatnot, and the parents are unable to cope? The constant running away from home is a hallmark of the disorder, so I'm more inclined to think that may be the case. And the claim of verbal abuse is common by adolescents in regards to their parents, especially if the child is rebelling. Don't forget good old ADHD which may be something worth considering, though I'm leaning more towards conduct disorder. I mean, the parents did pay a few thousand for the psychiatric care, and for private school, so it's not like they are as bad as they are being made out to be. Especially in regards to private school, you mentioned, when talking about the care she received after the case of para-suicide that she was unable to be kept there for a long period because the family could not afford it. They don't have much money spare, yet they still make sure she can go to private school? Seems like they care for her more than she thinks.

And like I said before, and echoing Spooky's comments, school is a great way to improve one's life. Not just the education, but the whole experience related to moving away to college.

Careful with Job Corp. It's like prison, but with shovels.

Wow, ooda making serious comments. That's spooky!

Seriously, though. Don't forget all stories are two sided, and teenagers aren't always the most neutral parties.

Make sure she finishes school. It's mandatory for doing anything positive with your life.

No its not, its ooda.

Is she cute?

First things first she needs to get back in what child services will consider a stable environment. Are you a legal adult that can take responsibility for her? If not she needs to petition family court. Foster care is a bitch but it sounds like it would be a better situation than the one that she is currently in. If she is truly in an abusive situation and she is truly indanger and not being a petulant teenager, this is where she needs to go. If her story checks out and she is not just rebelling against strict rules and such foster care for a year and a half won't kill her and at least she will have someone paying her bills. She also needs to get her stuff straight educatonally because if she is going to be gone from home at 18 she is going to need a plan to take care of continuing education, a job and a place to live.

Has she actually contacted the local public high school? I dropped out of a private school and enrolled myself in a public high school without parental permission. Granted this was 16 years ago and in MA.... BUT what I was told by the public school officals at the time was that public eduaction was there for any child in the community and that the public high school does not give a rat's ass what other schools you might be enrolled in. If you showed up on there door step they had to educate you.

The inherint disadvantage of the "school of choice" program.