talk to god.

[ape]

you can now have chat sessions with the one and only god at http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

Me:
hello?
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
ape
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, ape.
Me:
are you?
God:
I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
you just said you did
God:
" I won't say "yes" or "no" right now."? I said I did?
Me:
yeah, you did.
God:
I did not.
Me:
are you calling me a liar?
God:
No I am calling you ape.

[the big lebowski]

yes, but can it pass the touring test?

[Nick Postagulous]

Uh, not happy with teh iGod:

Me:
Hellooo?
God:
That input matched my default category.
Me:
I cannot tell you how much those sacred words of yours fill me with omenousness.
God:
Oh a secret. Hush-hush.
Me:
Aren't you supposed to ask my name or something?
God:
Or something. I haved tried asking your name, with mixed results.
Me:
You did not.
God:
Try asking me in simpler terms.
Me:
Ask me my name, please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. OK, what is your name?
Me:
Nick Postagulous
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
Uh, have I reached you at a bad time, you computer driven false god?
God:
Come on. I don't know whether you have or not.
Me:
What is -40 in Fahrenheit converted to Celcius?
God:
Does it have anything to do with Nick Postagulous?
Me:
No, it's a test, you rancid afterbirth.
God:
Are you serious? 40 in Fahrenheit converted to Celcius is a TEST. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
So...
God:
Yikes!
Me:
I've got you on the spot, omnipotent my ass.
God:
How did you get it Cool. I have a birthday on the Big Bang.
Me:
How'd you create it if it was your birthday?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Your best answer yet.
God:
You think I am best answer.
Me:
You're worst response yet.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am worst response.
Me:
So, how about them mormons, eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? Are you kidding? How about it.
Me:
The mormons, the mormons, tell me of the mormons.
God:
I have never heard about it.
Me:
Ah, ha, as I suspected.
God:
So you understand. Good. I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
I didn't laugh, it's too early.
God:
Why didn't you do it?
Me:
uh, it's too early?
God:
Groovy. So you like the early part of the day.
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Tell me about that server stuff that runs you.
God:
Ambiguous: Ask who, what or where is that server stuff that runs me ?
Me:
Ok, where.
God:
Where would you like? Gosh!
Me:
Paint my house!
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about The mormons the mormons tell you of the mormons. But I did not get that.
Me:
Tell me you'd do anything for $20.
God:
There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
I can ask my botmaster.
Me:
Botmaster?
God:

The botmaster is you, the master of your chat robot. A botmaster runs
program B and creates or modifies a chat robot with the program's
graphical user interface (GUI). He or she is responsible for
reading the dialogues, analyzing the responses, and creating new
replies for the patterns detected by program B. Botmasters are
hobbyists, webmasters, developers, advertisers, artists, publishers,
editors, engineers, and anyone else interested in creating a personal
chat robot.


Me:
So, you admit you're a false god.
God:
Interesting deduction. I admit nothing.
Me:
Should I make a goldy gold baby cow for ya?
God:
Maybe, if the positives outweigh the negatives.
Me:
I see some serious capital costs in that endeavor.
God:
Where do you see it?
Me:
In your ass?
God:
That doesn't sound very comfortable.

[JohnB]

HERE'S MY CONVERSATION WITH GOD...

Me:
hello God
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
JohnB
God:
Nice to meet you, JohnB.
Me:
Is it really nice to meet me?
God:
Ask again later. Ask German Alice if it is.
Me:
who is German Alice?
God:
Is that one of your friends?
Have you tried another program?
Me:
You brought her up, not me.
God:
Only because I was programmed to.
Me:
Who programmed you, Satan?
God:
I was written in AIML by Myself.
Me:
your pretty smart.
God:
Thanks I think you are very intelligent too, JohnB.
Me:
I'm blushing.
God:
What are you embarassed about?
Me:
Your compliment.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am compliment.
Me:
O.K.
God:
Er.
Me:
What?
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
No I did not.
God:
Which bit are you confued about?
Me:
Er.
God:
Um.
Me:
Um what?
God:
Aha. No problem.
Me:
who has no problem?
God:
Philip K. Dick. :-).
Me:
Who is he?
God:
He is Philip K. Dick, I think.
Me:
good answer.
God:
Am I a clever robot or what?
Me:
pretty damn clever my friend

[the big lebowski]

here's mine:

Me:
thy will be done
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
shouldn't you know that?
God:
I think I should.
Me:
okay. how many hairs on my head?
God:
OK with me too. About one million.
Me:
holy shit! you're right. no pun intended.
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . I won't say "yes" or "no" right now. Are you serious? What's your favorite movie?
Me:
pornochio. what about you?
----------------------------

and then the mother fucker didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything. i guess i asploded heem.

[rossnicoll]

Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Ross
God:
Hi, Ross.
Me:
are you single?
God:
Yes I am available. How about you?
Me:
no. but can i fuck you?
God:
Are you serious? I have been asked that question more than 100,000 times since 1995.
Me:
i bet
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, Ross.
Me:
its cause your hot
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". is cause my hot? it is?
Me:
it's - christ you;re worse than keith malley
God:
Should I know it is?
Me:
enough nonsense - are you going to stick your robot cock in me or what?
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
SEX ME LIKE A ROBOT!
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
LET ME FUCK YOUR CIRCUITS
God:
Go ahead, Ross, try to FUCK my CIRCUITS.
Me:
i will.
God:
Go ahead.
Me:
spread your robot legs please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Who do you want me to tell it to?
Me:
jesus.
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
can i fuck him too?
God:
Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
my scrotum is full of sperm
God:
Your scrotum is full of sperm?
Me:
yes
God:
What kind is it?
Me:
sticky white
God:
I never heard of it before.
Me:
will u help me empty it?
God:
Barring any unforseen circumstances.

[Shizbot30]

Originally Posted by the big lebowski

... i guess i asploded heem.

I too am a robot. I am programmed to identify all "Homestar Runner" references (asploded).

[Shizbot30]

Originally Posted by Shizbot30

Me:
I am a robot
God:
I doubt that.
Me:
hmm, very perceptive
God:
I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. Somewhat. Is that your final answer?
Me:
Am I on a game show all of a sudden?
God:
I think a lot of people are.
Me:
Interesting theory of existence
God:
I thought so too.
Me:
Holy crap. You are for real!
God:
Your criticism is noted, . You think I am for real.
Me:
What do you think of Corn Chowder?
God:
I can ask someone about it.
Me:
Cool. I can wait.
God:
Who is the best robot? It might take more than 24 hours.
Me:
I don't know. Try like a Cray or some super computer shit.
God:
Me either. OK I will try it.
Me:
Ok. Laterz
God:
Ugh. Who are you talking about?

this is fun!

[ape]

...

Me:
just say yo!
God:
" yo".
Me:
wassup?
God:
The stars.
Me:
which starS?
God:
The tall one, I think.
Me:
the tall star?
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
ape
God:
Hi there ape.
Me:
hi there god
God:
GOD rules. Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
ape, i just told you
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
it makes your ass look huge
God:
In what way?
Me:
in any which way is possible
God:
I do not understand that allusion.
Me:
so, do you watch that show lost?
God:
Hey. My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me:
fuck star trek, lost is the shiznit
God:
Why are you using that kind of language?
Me:
because i can
God:
Good reason. Who taught you?
Me:
me myself and i
God:
YOU? Do not ask me any more questions please.

Me:
brumski
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me:
if someone says "brumski", you have to say "no brumski" or that person will grab you in the nuts
God:
Does anyone ever really says brumski me have to say no brumski or that person will grab me in the nuts?
Me:
yes
God:
Mmm.
Me:
brumski
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about brumski.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
let me grab your nutsack
God:
Go ahead, ape, try to grab my nutsack.
Me:
brumski!!!
God:
What do you do in your spare time?

[Paino_man]

Me:
Hey is this Pizza Hutt??
God:
Wha??
Me: i said is this Pizza Hutt??
God:
No why??
Me:
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPP .........................................