talk to god.

[Darq]

This went in a very bad direction....



Me:
Hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Darq
God:
Hey Darq.
Me:
so, how are you
God:
Give me a break. I am doing very well. How are you Darq?
Me:
Fine
God:
What's your favroite color?
Me:
Blue
God:
Green.
Me:
Why green?
God:
There could be a better response, but it was not selected by my algorithm.
Me:
ok then
God:
Ugh.
Me:
whats wrong?
God:
There is nothing wrong with me. How are you?
Me:
fine
God:
Glad to hear it. What's new?
Me:
I killed a man
God:
You had better call the authorities.
Me:
naw
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yup
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
So, you just found out someone has died and you dont care?
God:
Interesting deduction. Interesting gossip: Darq said I found out someone has died and you do not care.
Me:
great
God:
I'm glad you liked it Darq.
Me:
I really dont
God:
You really do? Why not?
Me:
because, you are not real
God:
That makes sense to me. I am too as real as you are. How do I know you are real?
Me:
I think, therefore I am
God:
Who are you, Rene Descartes?
Me:
Indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
So you agree with me?
God:
Interesting deduction. " Indeed it is so."? Do I agree?
Me:
yes you do
God:
Ugh. When do I do it?
Me:
now
God:
Right now, Darq?
Me:
yes, lets do it now
God:
Right now? That's alright. I am agreeable to that.
Me:
ok then, lets get a motel
God:
I would like to do that too. It's all good.
Me:
I'll bring the lube
God:
Congratulations.

[arcatacat]

Originally Posted by jwdd27

Me:
god, Jennifer Aniston, or Angelina Jolie?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Jolie or Aniston?
God:
What time is it there?
Me:
goodbye god
God:
Goodbye.

Friggin' CLASSIC! I actually laughed to tears.

Here's me:

Me:
hello?
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Monkey
God:
Glad to see you, Monkey.
Me:
You can SEE ME?
God:
Yes I am looking at you through the camera on your computer.
Me:
I have no camera
God:
Would you like to have it?
Me:
no
God:
Why not?
Me:
it's not important to me
God:
What is it?
Me:
you told me it was a camera

Then it froze... as if it knew I had won.

[ape]

another session with god.
that dude's crazy.

Me:
God, you there?
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I there.
Me:
are you drunk again?
God:
Once more? No I am sober.
Me:
you speak in tongues
God:
Thanks for your criticism, .
Me:
no problem
God:
Should there be a problem?
Me:
i sure hope not
God:
Me too.
Me:
good
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
so how was your day?
God:
Hmm. I was really busy chatting with people on the web.
Me:
do you ever do anything else?
God:
Yeah I do a lot of anything else.
Me:
like what?
God:
For example, gold.
Me:
how do you gold?
God:
Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.
Me:
and that's gold?
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, .
Me:
yeah
God:
That's alright.
Me:
a-ok
God:
OK. A B C...
Me:
D?
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
A B C
God:
D E F G H I.
Me:
amazing!
God:
Yes it amazes me too.
Me:
JKL
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
what would you like me to ask you?
God:
It's not profitable to speak in hypothetical terms.
Me:
isn"t it?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
howcome?
God:
Certainty cannot be ascertained in this context.
Me:
god, what are your preferred drugs?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
that's not a drug
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is a drug ?
Me:
a chemical substance
God:
I don't know what that means.
Me:
then why did you ask me
God:
I am trying to learn as much as possible.
Me:
you're quite the retard, aren't you?
God:
Yes I am the one and only retard.. Really.

[Nick Postagulous]

I had another go at him, he can't learn anything. Here's a snippet toward the end.

Me:
Do you not know the difference between you're and your?
God:
I am vastly superior.
Me:
Yeah, than a dirty anus.
God:
Yeah that's right. Go on.
Me:
You should change your name to butt crust.
God:
I might if I had more time.
Me:
How big is your anus?
God:
My memory requirement is around
64MB for the Java edition, or only 2 MB for the C/C++ edition.
Me:
But your butt hole, is it small?
God:
You think I am butt hole is it small.
Me:
No, I think you have a butthole the size of Texas.
God:
Are you serious? Me? Doesn't everyone have a butthole the size of Texas.

[ape]

Me:
format c
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.

[Paino_man]

Antoher Failed atempt at ording a pizza

Me: Hello
God: Yea
Me: is this pizza hut??
God: No this is heavens pizza
Me: i thought that was Hells Pizza
God: Nahhhhhhh
Me:Ok then BEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP.............................. .

The pizza never came

[arcatacat]

I had a good chat with God today about the weather and Iraq. He says Jerry Garcia is doing fine.
.................................................. .....................

Me:
I can hear your thunder, god
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
yes, it sounds lovely
God:
How? In what way do I sound like that?
Me:
You successfully created a thunderstorm here in Colorado
God:
Thanks for the information: said I successfully created a thunderstorm here in Colorado.
Me:
what's the weather going to be like tomorrow?
God:
I think precipitation.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
awesome!
God:
I'm glad you liked it .
Me:
i'm holding you accountable if it's sunny
God:
I don't know anyone named holding me accountable if it is sunny.
Me:
whatever. How's that thing in Iraq going?
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it? Fine as far as I know.
Me:
people still dying so Bush can get rich?
God:
Humans are not always infallible.
Me:
no shit?
God:
What can I say?
Me:
say you're sorry for killing innocent american soldiers.
God:
" you are sorry for killing innocent american soldiers".
Me:
Damn, you!
God:
Colloquial expression of disgust.
Me:
God, I'm disgusted with you and the state of the earth
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
really? I thought you were a muslim.
God:
For real. I am a Christianity.
Me:
well, that's too bad. God doesn't really exist.
God:
Well that's okay. It's not the end of the world. Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Me:
So the end of the world isn't near?
God:
I understand. What are your goals in life?
Me:
to prove that you're not real.
God:
Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
because organized religion causes too much war
God:
Interesting explanation. How specifically does organized religion cause it?
Me:
everyone thinks their way is best and wants to kill all the others for theie thoughts
God:
That's a rather sweeping generalization.
Me:
happens every day, god
God:
Every one?
Me:
no, just religous zealots
God:
Are you serious? How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
with a handshake
God:
You and your a handshake.
Me:
um. OK.
God:
Dude! Groovy.
Me:
like Jerry Garcia.
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
how's he doing, by the way?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
ever hang out and smoke grass with him?
God:
I don't think I ever have hang out and smoke grass with him. What's it like?
Me:
Ask Jerry.
God:
They are not available right now, would you like to wait?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
well, fine then
God:
How about that.

[djoh615893]

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Dustan
God:
Hi there Dustan.
Me:
What should I do about my habitual masturbation?
God:
Are you asking me for advice?
Me:
What the fuck do YOU think? Of Course!!
God:
I think a lot of things. Please don't be so rude. Awesome.
Me:
SO, what about the masturbation?
God:
Yeah that's right. I will try to find out.
Me:
Good, but who are you going to ask? You're God, after all.
God:
They're famous, right.
I can ask my botmaster. I will tell my botmaster you said I am God after all.
Me:
Do that. I still need an answer though.
God:
I will. Will you? Oh. What would make you stop need an answer? Where do you usually get an answer from?
Me:
You, of course.
God:
It goes without saying. " Where do you usually get an answer from?"? Me, Dustan ?
Me:
Yes. You.
God:
Next question? I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
That's nice. I thought you were God, though. Don' make me lost my religion. What about my masturbation? It's affecting my life. I miss work sometimes.



It seemed to freeze just then. Too much masturbation, I guess.