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Old 06-06-2006, 03:41 PM   #1 (permalink)
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There is no God

Case closed.

Lioness in Zoo Kills Man

KIEV (Reuters) - A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal's enclosure, a zoo official said on Monday.

"The man shouted 'God will save me, if he exists', lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions," the official said.

"A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery."

The incident, Sunday evening when the zoo was packed with visitors, was the first of its kind at the attraction. Lions and tigers are kept in an "animal island" protected by thick concrete blocks.
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Old 06-06-2006, 03:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blitzgal

The incident, Sunday evening when the zoo was packed with visitors, was the first of its kind at the attraction.
Well, you would hope so wouldn't you?
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Old 06-06-2006, 03:48 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jwdd27
Well, you would hope so wouldn't you?

No shit...I'm surprised anyone managed to get in amongst the lions anyway.

There was another similar lion story several years ago. I believe that one took place in Australia. A mentally ill guy crawled into the enclosure to play with the lions. He was lucky though, because he came into contact with a male lion who'd recently been fed. Those are the laziest bastards on the planet. They sleep more than twenty hours a day--the females are the ones who generally hunt. Anyway, this male lion actually swatted the guy around a little bit but in a playful way. He only got scratches and lived to take another anti-psychotic pill.
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Old 06-06-2006, 03:57 PM   #4 (permalink)
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God woudn't save him! It would disprove his existence:

Quote:
Originally Posted by an H2G2 paraphraser
"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," says Man, "Saving that man from the lions is a dead giveaway isn't it? He could not have survived by chance. It proves that You exist, and so therefore, by Your own arguments, You don't. Q.E.D."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.
That this is news further proves the point.

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Originally Posted by Ruri
Grown-ups are idiots.
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Old 06-06-2006, 04:19 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blitzgal
"A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery."
God, I wish there was video of this on YouTube. That would be great, God. But I guess you didn't help that poor fucker out, so you're not gonna magically post a video anytime soon, are ya?

God, can you hear me?

God?

/crickets

Last edited by arcatacat; 06-06-2006 at 04:28 PM.
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Old 06-06-2006, 04:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Of course there is a God! and this falls under my favorite rule.

God punishes us for being stupid...
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Old 06-06-2006, 04:55 PM   #7 (permalink)
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God was listening, he protected us from an idiot.

Praise be to god.
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Old 06-06-2006, 05:06 PM   #8 (permalink)
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he's now the eternal laughing stock of heaven (or hell).
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Old 06-06-2006, 07:31 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I won't laugh until someone confirms it's not Keith's dad who got eaten.
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Old 06-06-2006, 09:55 PM   #10 (permalink)
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God was on the lion's side that day. He has a sense of humor, you know.
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