what's a good enough reason?

[Sparrow]

i'm on the fence, have been my whole life, about whether or not i /need/ kids. Bear's been in the 'no' camp since we met and i'm right in my soul about that journey. i'd rather have this cool guy around than try to find different sperm close to, almost, or near as good. there was never any pressure on my end for him to reconsider.

recently, he threw it back in my court with a "if it's something you end up wanting, i'd be down." a lovely gesture, but now i have to think about it again. it's one thing to balls up when presented with it; it's a whole other to willingly walk into the arena.

i was expecting my 30s related hormones or pressure from others (of which there's been precious little) to give me clearer gut feelings one way or the other on the idea of parenthood, but they have not. it's a precarious place to be neutral.

from a practical standpoint, it all sounds like a bother, but tugging on a single, potent, nagging cultural heartstring is a desire to continue my family line; an obligation i don't necessarily resent. it's a real thing, but i can't be sure it isn't bullshit and i don't know if it's good /enough/ to interrupt a situation wherein i'm awfully content. i'm not afraid to take risk or jump off cliffs into nowhere to see if i can fly, but it's a sack you can't put down once you pick up.

people who chose that life, why? looking back how do you feel about those reasons?

[Bucho]

Originally Posted by Sparrow

... tugging on a single, potent, nagging cultural heartstring is a desire to continue my family line; an obligation i don't necessarily resent. it's a real thing, but i can't be sure it isn't bullshit ...

That's always seemed like the most bullshit reason of all to me. Why is any family line so important? Why is any set of genes so important? That kind of thinking should have died out when we realized there was no such thing as "blue blood" and Prince Charles, bless him, is just some bloke who got a rock solid education. Unless I'm some superbrain or superathlete why would I give a shit about passing my particular genes on? That path is the one of pure, dumb ego.

I say this as someone who's lucky enough to love the shit out of his whole family by the way. Both parents and all of my siblings. As someone who knows my own awesome parents would love me to have my own kids. It's not an "obligation" though.

There is no obligation.

So the best reason to have kids is the same as the best reason to do pretty much anything.

Do it if you think it'll make the world a better place. Will it mean giving more than you take? Do you think you will bring up a kid or kids who will give more than they take? Maybe you feel your best path to making the world a better place doesn't involve having kids. Maybe you feel you can do more good if you're able to spend your positive energy somewhere other than child-rearing.

In the past there have been times where a country, or the world in general, needed more human beings. We are not living in those times. We are living in the opposite of those times. If anything a looooooooot of science suggests there are way too many new humans being made for this planet to handle already.

Then again, word on the street is being a parent is some kind of magical.

[Sparrow]

Originally Posted by Bucho

There is no obligation.

well, there is a little bit. my mother and her siblings are shouldering the family land, but they're getting older. my generation has only produced a single heir and our relationship with him and his mother is strained at best. thinking several decades into the future when it falls on me and my cousins, there's nobody to take up the mantle after us. that matters to me. if motherhood is a calling, i ain't heard it, but i feel the weight of what might happen to the property pretty acutely.

[Sparrow]

Originally Posted by Bucho

Do it if you think it'll make the world a better place.

Maybe you feel you can do more good if you're able to spend your positive energy somewhere other than child-rearing.

i mean, there's no way Bear and my offspring wouldn't be gorgeous, creative juggernauts; they'd at least make the world a more interesting place.

i have no idea what the fuck i want to be doing right now. having a kid is not the answer to this problem, but the choice one way or the other is a big piece of the puzzle around which a lot rotates. i really, really thought i'd know by now.

[Sparrow]

i'm 32.

i just don't hear stories of this lukewarm area. it's usually "no, absolutely not" or "absolutely yes today or someday, but i want it and i'm working toward it" or people coming to terms after an oopsie.

[flerchin]

We enjoy our kids. Have you ever posted a dopey picture of a pet because it made you happy? Having kids is like that.

I agree with Apia. I can't picture my mid-life not having had kids. You might not feel they way.

Unfortunately, you get no do overs here. Fortunately, you're going to have a life either way.