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Old 08-31-2010, 11:34 AM   #31 (permalink)
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I even inter-office memoed a guy my share of lunch once because he insisted on paying. I object to men paying for me, but I won't make a scene. I just get the money to them other ways.
I think this is part of it. If for whatever-nobodys-an-asshole reason he picks up the tab, it feels emasculating to sneakily find some way, some how to pay him back. It's overkill and an insult to his manhood. If he felt good about it, I would express my appreciation and leave it at that. Men like to do things for ladies. I will let them, be kind and reciprocate where and how I do, and we all feel pretty good about shit in the end.

I don't think either one of our ways is better or more right; I think, Marina, you and I have had very different experiences. life is broad. I think you are a kick ass lady.
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Old 08-31-2010, 11:46 AM   #32 (permalink)
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If it's a date- the man pays. Always.
Men- don't go out If your not prepared to pay.
Women- just say thank you.

But then again I'm from the south and my mama raised me right...
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Old 08-31-2010, 12:25 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Was this rant in a recent episode? It rings a bell from the past. I'm a week behind.
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Old 08-31-2010, 12:54 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Space Indaver View Post
Was this rant in a recent episode? It rings a bell from the past. I'm a week behind.
Towards the end of 1238, a listener writes in saying his current GF of several months never offers to pay for anything, and he asks for advice on what to do.
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Old 08-31-2010, 12:57 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Towards the end of 1238, a listener writes in saying his current GF of several months never offers to pay for anything, and he asks for advice on what to do.
Cheers! I'm listening to 1242 now, and I've just now heard the email about it. I'll have to go back to 1241 and hear it I guess! I hope there's no through-story, or I'll feel really silly for listening to these shows in a retarded order.
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Old 09-01-2010, 01:18 AM   #36 (permalink)
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I'm not really sure how I treat him like the man, other than just letting him take care of me, which he likes to do.
I get this. Ben says that he likes to cook for people, as a way to take care of them. I don't see it that way, but it makes sense. I don't really like to clean, but I do like the idea that I'm making the house nicer to be in.

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Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
I think this is part of it. If for whatever-nobodys-an-asshole reason he picks up the tab, it feels emasculating to sneakily find some way, some how to pay him back. It's overkill and an insult to his manhood. If he felt good about it, I would express my appreciation and leave it at that. Men like to do things for ladies. I will let them, be kind and reciprocate where and how I do, and we all feel pretty good about shit in the end.

I don't think either one of our ways is better or more right; I think, Marina, you and I have had very different experiences. life is broad. I think you are a kick ass lady.
Yeah.. interoffice memo guy has stopped inviting me to lunch for awhile. He does that every so often. But I am what I am, I can't change my ways.

I think you are a kick ass lady too. One of the reasons I like this community so much is that I can see the perspectives of other people who I would probably not normally know. I have a much harder time being judgmental of others because of what I've learned here. It's kinda awesome.
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Old 09-01-2010, 01:52 AM   #37 (permalink)
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life is broad.
I used to say, "Life is a lady," but this is the same point.

Amen, sister.
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Old 09-01-2010, 03:27 AM   #38 (permalink)
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On a sidenote, I remember hearing on the show about girls who leave the house with no money - that is crazy.
Keith has mentioned this phenomenon a couple times and every time it blows my mind. It is gross, entitled behavior and thank god I don't know any women who would act like this or I would have to cut them out of my life.

Since we all speak from our experiences - I am married to an actor/ musician and most all of my close lady friends are married to or dating artists of some form. In pretty much every case the woman is the primary earner in the household.

When we hear girls complain about guys being threatened because the girl earns more, we laugh and shrug. Similarly, when I hear women being called cheap or stereotyped as gold diggers, I look around at me and my friends and go...really??

When dating, my husband always offered to pay and I always offered to go halvsies, or pick up the bill in total.
This is not because of my identity as a feminist, it is because I love this guy for a gazillion reasons and money is not at the top of that list. I want him to continue to pursue his career in the arts and if that means paying more then half I am a-ok.

That said, I am still a traditionalists in many ways. I love having doors opened for me, I love that my husband is handy around the house, and when I see a nasty bug/rodent, I squeal like a girl and ask him to save me.
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Old 09-01-2010, 07:44 AM   #39 (permalink)
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If it's a date, the guy pays, if you're out with your girlfriend, there should be a little back and forth. If your girlfriend never offers to pay, then maybe she's just stuck thinking about the beginning of the relationship when the guy did pay for most things and the necessary change needs to be brought to her attention, or she's a bitch.

The thing I don't get about what some of these ladies are saying is the insisting on paying. You really have to insist? If a girl I'm out with ever offers to pay, I just let her, I figure if she's offering it's because she wants to/would feel weird if I footed the whole bill for the evening. When you say insist, I'm picturing a couple in a restuarant half arguing over the bill, which seems like it would just make things more awkward then if the guy just shut up about it.

And I don't think a man's chivalrous behavior needs to be tied to finances at all. Let your man open the door for you/ walk on the street-side/pull the car up in the rain/kick a mugger in the face, things like this show that he is actively thinking of you and taking care of you, and that's what makes him feel like a man
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Old 09-01-2010, 10:39 AM   #40 (permalink)
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I also dislike doors being opened for me. But I've really learned not to make a fuss about that because then it blocks the door and slows down everything.

And I like being the house bug catcher, and I like fixing things around the house. I guess I'm just opposite girl.
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