[Sparrow]

i’m Borderline. #shocker

having a therapist say it out loud gave much needed context to all the chaos i was experiencing inside and projecting into every relationship i had, personal and professional. something we all share is an intense triggering from either perceived or actual abandonment by a “favorite person,” who oftentimes we’ve developed a connection with that may or may not actually exist for the other person. i can’t always tell what is real and what i’ve strung together.

another super fun thing: my responses are often disproportionate to a given situation; a level 2-3 thing will read as a 12. everything feels urgent. i will be too reactive to nothing or not-responsive enough to actual urgency. it’s scary not being able to trust your gut.

my self-identity is incorrectly tethered to my current moods which are ever shifting. it’s like seeing yourself through a kaleidoscope. in the moment something is true and authentic and in a second it becomes untrue or is abruptly over.

it’s a constant question of what’s real and how to behave. getting on a mood stabilizer helped me a lot to curb the intensity of everything, but it’s not a panacea. vigilance on which impulses to act on or ignore and a support system of people to check reality with are necessities.