2656: Jesus Is My Homo
 

with Matteo Lane – The Barefoot Contessa, Liza Minnelli, Katy Perry, Theresa Caputo (The Long Island Medium), and Rachael Ray; Wendy Williams vs. Whitney Houston; The Swan; Casey Jones’s final update; The Mummy; Jesus Christ’s gay tendencies; what to expect during your transition

Guest:
Matteo Lane
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I'd like to counter the NSYNC vs Backstreet Boys debate with a write in vote for Take That

Where is the listener video of Matteo and the Barefoot Contessa and why am I dumb and can't find it?

The part where Matteo said that "Yes..." sounds like Jaffar had me laughing so hard I almost drove off the road. Great show!

Apparently its http://www.katg.com/video

which I thought was the same as the youtube channel or KATGTV so I never checked it as I usually only listen on the go. The more you know :cool:

Also quick tip for anybody who doesn't have VIP - check out the youtube for the last 11 months of full main show episodes.

for what? fourth behind 98* Degrees?

look, N*Sync was the Destiny's Child of boy bands; all about that JT. Backstreet Boys was a phenomenal ensemble. and their beats were harder.

hm. Matteo's synesthesia. my 4's are also yellow, which bothers me, but 2's are blue and 6's are red. 8's are purple, like, in a way that nothing could be more true. they just are.

edited to add the color/number thing is the lame end of synesthesia. some people will interpret numbers spatially and have these external number lines that seems like it would make math a lot of fun.

The best boy band ever! "Elvira" gets me every time lol

here it is

Me too! I was howling in my car on the way to work. I'm so glad that y'all replayed the Katy clips for Matteo.

I tried to listen to this one on the elliptical. I had to stop after 8 minutes, between laughing at Jafar and gasping at Lindsay Lohan losing a finger.

The therapist has a new show on viceland, I think the Katy therapy was for an intro crossover...

THANK YOU. I'm dead, this is amazing.

For the record
 

While I've already professed my love for Chanel Ali, and it has not waned, I have to say I think Matteo Lane is my favorite "newish" guest. Every fucking show he is on is gold. His "Flavor of the Month" set was hilarious. His wit is so fast, so brutal, and so on point...

Please Keith and Chemda; negotiate with him to do a regular spin-off bonus show. I know he's busy, and has his own things going. But c'mon... he belongs here!

As far as you know?

;)

I voted that way.

There may have been a historical person that loosely correlates to stories in the Bible. I don't care, and it doesn't much matter. It especially doesn't matter where he fell on the spectrum. The whole subject is boring. "There is no Jesus" seems to match that sentiment.

Newish in quotes covers 4 years.

KATG.com/MatteoLane

Mr Jesus No Penis
 

First of all, Mateo Liza Min-ellied his way into my KATG Top Ten, long ago. Love him. I get what he meant by "Jesus is Gay." But I think Chemda hit on a greater point. Which is to say, why are we thinking about Where Jesus put his dick?

This is gonna sound goofy, but I strongly feel that if, IF Jesus existed, he had to be the product of human/ alien...I dunno...union. Also the Bible makes it appear that Jesus entire purpose was anything but reproduction. He's more metaphor for what man should strive to be. Odd of course because most followers of Christ miss the point. Not judging. Sacrifice. All that.

I voted no. Cuz Jesus is and was an asexual alien.

Yes yes a bazillion times yes

Matteo should hire himself out to leave Liza voicemail messages.
And he's right, jesus was a faggot (even tho he didn't/doesn't exist).
And he's right, fuck Ohio. Fuck it right in its pie-eating trump-supporter face. Its' big. gay. closeted. fuckface.

....love from ohio...

Matteo Lane might be the show's most consistently hilarious guest. no homo

My absolute favorite time with Mr. Lane.

I literally LMAO'd every time he stopped the Katy interview

and I LOVE italian men from long island so i love their mothers/wives who are like the LI Medium

Chris Pine, GORGEOUS?


Nicole Kidman, PORRIDGE?

I've never felt so betrayed by both of you

Youtube Clip show night with Matteo & friends

Flavor of the month: Matteo gets drunk with drag queens and just chats for 2
hours to take over the My name is Keith crown.

That would be such great video, Lady Bunny could show up in costume this time.

LOL. Yes. Jesus was super sapiosexual!!!

Look. The only FUCKIN' way the Jesus myth works - is aliens. The guy was born of an immaculate conception. He had super powers. BUT THE BIGGEST THING is that dude did not have sex. Every guy reading this knows. Gay or straight. Getting laid is an absolute. Biological. Imperative. Also we know that Jewish men at that time were married young. There's no possible way Jesus was 33, no wife, no kids.

Unless.

...ahem...

ALIENS!!! Think about it bro. What human male could hang around sex workers and apostles who would blow him at the drop of palm leaf; and he's not fucking. No. It's absurd. Dude was above normal human urges. Total alien. Or it didnt happen.

Alien half breed. Or fiction. Cuz otherwise you're telling me my man Jesus was tough enough to perform miracles but couldn't find his way out the closet.

I never thought of Jesus having a sexual orientation. He was always asexual in my head.

Sexuality is viewed as "dirty" and "animalistic" in Christianity (unless married) and since Jesus was supposed to be the opposite of that, I always pictured him as the guy who is everyone's best platonic friend.

that defeats the whole purpose of him being sent to earth to live as a man. to go through the trials and tribulations of being truly human. keep in mind we know jack shit about younger Jesus. information about him has been filtered through hundreds of years of prudes and assholes who needed him to be maybe more than he was. even our viewing him as this pansexual fantasy is entirely our own communities' modern projections of ideal sexuality the same as crisp white pureness was for others.

Agreed. I bet he was a real prick. (in the bad way)

But asexuality is a real human experience too.

Idk if it's "pure" like it's characterized by religion tho.

Not if you count adoption; which many gay/queer families find a way to "reproduce"

Or just listen to my pod where I chat with drag queens, sometimes drunk./

Jesus is not only catholic/christian... many interpretations

Also many gay families go the IVF route....

Matteo Lane would kill on a KATG Netflix commentarycast.

Netflix and Kill.

Ok so... the first time I listened to this episode, it brought me to a seizure like laughing fit.
I went to get some lunch and decided to listen to it a second time because it's so fucking funny.
Mid gulp of my lemonade happened around 8:30 into the episode when you guys start commenting on the Katy Perry live therapy session. I nearly and literally died when Matteo said "wait, pause! Is that Jaffar?"
I laughed, and with a huge mouthful of lemonade... I inhaled it. I was choking and couldn't breathe for a while before someone noticed and came to help and management almost called an ambulance.

So when I say, Matteo made me die laughing - it was almost literal. Someone please pass this on to him. This section has to win most ridiculous

If only there was a way to reach him...

Don't be shy; let your favorite guests know it! (They're fragile, and they need it.)

I sent him something the other day but I didn't want to seem like a stalker sending multiple messages

Good call. No one wants TOO much praise.