10: American History Sex
 

Uh oh, is this about to be a juicy episode slam packed with some Real Nice Sex? You'll have to listen to find out! We DID talk about doing things you hate, Gilmore Girls, quitting, commas, and anger issues! I hope this is like therapy for you too!

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Guest:
Newsy
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It all makes sense now..
 

First, Chu do you have any supportive black women in your life?

Second, Chu have you talked to black people or other black people who had a similar experience of feeling rejected by other black people for being "different"? I think that having that conversation with a group of nonblack people vs. a group of black people definitely yields different levels of understanding...which is why you're still where you are.

You're expression of attraction to racist white men on this episode has definitely gave me insight of the issue you expressed in the last episode. A black person who is comfortable with their unique experience of blackness and is problack never has to question whether or not they are a coon because they align with blackness in a larger frame separate from its proximity or juxtaposition to whiteness/white folks.

You have a clear affinity for "whiteness" (which is not an anomaly - as it's ingrained in every society that's effected by white supremacy/western imperialism) and those black kids saw that in you when you were young..as black people tend to have a higher racial IQ and sensitivity than other races. They likely weren't bothered that you hung around white kids, they were bothered that you thought white people were better than black people. You remember the sting of rejection for embracing white people, but do you remember how you behaved toward or thought of those same black kids in relationship to your white friends?

"First, Chu do you have any supportive black women in your life? "
My mom, and some friends online.

"which is why you're still where you are."
:mad: Ew, I don't like that. Where "Am" I exactly? And yes I've had a few talks with other "different" black people, and they all have similar experiences as me. Also, why do we all have to be the same as black people? Maybe if my "differences" were embraced early enough, I wouldn't have felt so rejected my black people by like 3rd grade.

"comfortable with their unique experience of blackness "
My experience of blackness is my parents explaining racism to me as a child, and then me moving around every two-three years because of the military, so to me as a kid who was only worried about making friends I didn't seek out or prioritize making Black friends, I wanted to be friends with whomever wanted to be friends with me. Oh what's that, the black males always found a way to single me out and other me? Damn that sucks. Now tell me, how are you gonna blame 9 year old me for that?

"they were bothered that you thought white people were better than black people"
That's unfortunate that they projected that idea that ONTO me. You can't find a single spot in history where I said out of my mouth that white people were better than black people.

"You remember the sting of rejection for embracing white people, but do you remember how you behaved toward or thought of those same black kids in relationship to your white friends?"
I remember always being made to feel like an asshole for what I liked, listened to, spoke about, by black kids (not all, mostly males). How did I behave toward or think about the same black kids? I didn't have time to think about that while Tony Wanzer (black) was berating me because he overheard me say "Shut your pie hole!" as a 12 year old. For WEEKS he made me feel small and like shit for saying a silly phrase. :mad:

This whole thing has an air of pitying me and feels condescending. Where's the vomit emoji.

I listen to Dan Savage and I think he often has valuable thoughts.
He often said that it is normal and common to be attracted to something somehow dangerous and problematic ( the kind of white men who were mean to you in the past) , something about controlling it while building it into your phantasy.

It’s like some women are into the phantasy of being taken by force, but only with someone they are into. They want it, yes, but on their terms, they don’t want to be taken by some disgusting asshole.

You like what you like, and when it’s not hurting anyone, enjoy.

This also sounds suspicious to me, somehow like the trope of magical, sensitive black people.

You said out loud that you want to fuck a white supremecist.. I don't pity you, I see you. You have internalized anti blackness that you have yet to heal and that's on you love, all the best.

There's no one way to be black... That's the beauty of our existence.

How very "Bless your heart" of you.