[Dean from Australia]

Hah - sorry Lauren *facepalm*

There's form in my lineage surrounding drinking.

My grandfather on my mother's side was a rolled gold alcoholic. He spent most of his adult life drunk and his family - my Nana, my Mum and her three siblings paid dearly for it. I have only heard snippets of what he did from others in my family but it was fairly heinous. There was physical abuse and psychological abuse that spanned a couple of decades. Understandably, my Mum has never spoken of it herself moreso because she can't rather than won't.

He got his come uppance though. He drank himself into a stroke and became pretty much a vegetable for the last 10 years of his life.

My Dad was a heavy drinker when I was younger. He was a less than stellar individual when drunk but he never laid a hand on my brother or I. I doubt that Mum would ever have allowed it to happen anyway. She woulda ripped his nuts off - and came close sometimes. Dad arrived at a point some years ago where he decided drinking was ruining him and he got himself onto this huge health kick. He actually still enjoys a beer and a wine but has developed an incredible sense of restraint where he can be happy with one or two stubbies or a glass of wine like once a week. He hasn't been drunk in 20 years.

At this moment, I don't trust myself to exercise restraint and I'm actually scared of alcohol. I'm scared that I am more aligned with my grandfather in terms of potential for arseholery and damage and therefore, by extension, I am scared of myself. There is not other option for me than to commit to a cold stop.

bw81 posted a link to a South Australian AA here last night. I took a look at it...

This thread has suddenly become the most important life line I have right at this moment.

I love you all...

I fucking mean that.