My Neighbors are Cunts... and I Wish Terrible Things on Them!

[Dirty Dan]

Hi KATGers,
I recently move and now I live by two very "cunty" people whom have called the cops on me multiple times for very dumb reasons ie. my dogs bark (but are outside no more then an hour a day) for parking on the side of MY house in the rocks, playing music as I wash my car or do yard work, and very minor parties (which aren't excessively loud...). Now first I can understand that my parties can get out of control at times but I'm sure to keep it balanced and get them back into control as soon as I can. I would gladly turn it down a few notches when asked, but they can't bare the 15 foot walk to my door.

So what I'm saying is I'm fed up with their bullshit and would like some help/advice on how to legally annoy/mess with their heads. I have a few.

The first one I want to do for sure but need help.

1. Mail them a letter coming from a clinic with my (fake) test results stating that I am HIV positive. ( I need help on getting the form to look professional)... then knowing that they received my mail and read it go over to their house with a bloody finger or something and ask for a bandaid...

2. When they are out doing yard work or washing their cars have a friend park up to my house and exchange a bag of sugar or oregano for cash in front of them then I would walk back inside eyeballing them..... or I can order from him a seemingly large amount of pharmaceutical drugs as if I were to make my own drugs at home.

3. I'm Indian (the dot kind) I can play hindi prayers very loudly while in ear shot to them praise Allah while putting on a vest and backpack.... even though I don't claim a religion, but supposed to be Christian according to my father.... but I digress.

I don't know but if you can help it would be very much appreciated.

THANKS!