2296: A Cry for Help

[dannyhatch]

New Year’s Eve and Christmas cards; Keith and Chemda in Hawaii and Brother Love’s wedding; Keith almost drowns and Chemda almost dies; Chemda witnesses a car thief in action; Chemda’s landlords live with her; Peyton Manning’s human growth hormone; Concussion review

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[Eric M]

So mind blowing a guy as smart as you can't learn to swim. Glad you're alive buddy. The big flippers you usually put on your feet for snorkeling in deep water might've been keeping you up. They make you swim like a fish.

[Keith]

Then why didn't I just flip upset down, ya goofball?

[invader]

I've tried to learn to swim multiple times... I even paid (way too much) for lessons on multiple occasions and still haven't really learned. I can't float or tread water. If I hold my breath I can maybe swim a small distance but after that I'm pretty much screwed and if I stop any forward movement I'll sink like a rock. I agree with Keith, everyone one always claims to be able to teach you to swim or that it's "so easy" but no one really can.

[Mattman]

Originally Posted by Eric M

They make you swim like a fish.

Fish don't need to breathe air. Not solving Keith's problem here much.

[Lanfear]

As with everything of course learning to swim is easier when you are a kid but I also don't understand why it would be so hard to learn as an adult if you spend some time with a good teacher (I can swim but I don't think I'd be able to teach anybody).

Its not surprising to me that Cat didn't notice what the problem was initially. If somebody obviously felt so comfortable in the water to get surf lessons and hang out on a boogie board I'm assuming they are OK. ESPECIALLY if you then decide to let go of the thing that helps you swim.

Wetsuits help you float a lot - obviously the thicker the more it helps, a short sleeved 3mm will help much less than my 7mm full scuba suit. They float so well that divers have to bring weight-belts to help you sink.

[Lanfear]

And nope I'm not too cool for New Years Eve, here we traditionally celebrate with everybody shooting fireworks so you need to be up and outside before midnight to get ready.

[Todd]

Keith, I am so glad that the Lord in His infinite love reached down and pulled you up out of the icy clutches of death. Or at least, you know, stopped pushing your head underwater. Either/or.


Chemda, I guess just hold on to my audition tape for now? Maybe Keith will try horseback riding or something this summer.

[secretjacuzzi]

LOL Chemda's "I know you're the best, peace & love"

My cardio is on point & I can swim but the ocean is crazy screw that. I hope many waves were punched afterword. I would go back the next day & do every WWF move I could into those bitch waves.

[Sparrow]

what i can do might not be considered "swimming." i can kind of paddle around, but floating is a mystery and the stroke/breathing thing takes some kind of coordination effort my brain doesn't understand. plus, swimmer's ear and the sheer terror of having your face where there's no damn air. what if you suck it in your lungs?! sand in your ass crack and the ever present threat of vaginal infections from chillin' in a wet bathing suit sound like a good time?

i can maneuver in gently flowing, fresh water; shallower rivers and creeks where there's visible shore on both sides and the bottom isn't too far away, but the ocean? fuck you. what's on the other side of that? death before another continent. lakes? duck shit and drowning victims. pools? everybody's urine. jumping off bridges and cliffs? life in a chair. who needs to swim so much?

(i bet it feels like flying.)