KATG 1937: Nine Years Down

with Ben Lerman, Matteo Lane, and Danny Hatch March 7, 2014

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Show Notes

— Wooooo!: Best New Guest KATGuh winners Ben Lerman, Matteo Lane, and Danny Hatch are in studio for Keith and The Girl’s 9-year anniversary
— And Tastes Like A Phone: Oscar Mayer has released a new app with an accessory that releases a bacon-scented puff of air
— Don’t Mess With Money: Brother Love calls in from Nashville, Tennessee; Ben was inappropriate to actor Dylan Baker
— A Ten Goat Man: A man in Nigeria had sex with a goat (that he owned) after he asked its permission and was still charged with a crime, even though he had sex with goats 10 times before!
— Slippery Slope: Massachusetts has officially criminalized upskirt pictures
— It Gets Worse: Matteo was called a faggot after joking about it on stage at a comedy club and nobody rallied behind him
— My Struggle: Fellow Best New Guest winner John F. O’Donnell calls in from Berlin, Germany
— Landline: Lauren Hennessy calls in from New York, New York
— The Best Liza Minnelli Impersonator: Ellen Degeneres insults Liza Minnelli, Metteo judges Adele Zadeem, and the gang lets you know how to feel about Jennifer Lawrence
— Fitter Happier: Danny talks about his recent psychiatrist visit, his history of depression, and the antidepressants he’s now taking
— Doggone It: The man who tattooed his unconscious dog quit his tattoo artist job after receiving death threats
— Character Limit: James Adomian stops in for a brief visit with his pals Gary Busey, Jesse Ventura, and Richard Branson

Guests

Ben Lerman

Danny Hatch

Matteo Lane

Pictures

Ben Lerman, Danny Hatch, and Matteo Lane

Oscar Mayer's new bacon app

Brother Love

David's black light KATG tattoo

Jason and his black light KATG tattoo

Cristal and her black light KATG tattoo

Canada Rob's KATG tattoo

Mike's KATG branding

The Stanley Cup wearing a KATG shirt

Jason and the US Air Force tattoo the enemy's face

Deuce's message for Hezbollah guerillas

Dylan Baker

A Few Goat Men

Ralph Fiennes

Katharine Hepburn

Daniel Radcliffe

Jennifer Coolidge

John F. O'Donnell

Lauren Hennessy

Ellen Degeneres

Liza Minnelli

The Oscar selfie

Liza Minnelli tries but fails to be included in the Oscar selfie

Idina Menzel

John Travolta

Jennifer Lawrence

Billy Crystal

Annie Lederman

Zion the dog's tattoo

Mistah Metro, Zion's unemployed owner

James Adomian

Gary Busey

Jesse Ventura

Richard Branson

KATG 1936: Katz and Dogs

with Louis Katz March 6, 2014

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Show Notes

— Cancelled: Louis Katz, who used to write for Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell, is in studio
— Space Jam: Louis and his girlfriend lived together for a month while she was in-between apartments and Louis did not enjoy it because he needs his space
— My Non-Stink Zone: Louis’ girlfriend and his roommate are both slobs who don’t care about leaving a mess
— Puppy Love: A man tattooed his dog with a heart containing his and his wife’s initials
— HUAR: Facebook can use your data to tell when you are about to start a relationship, which prompts Keith to remind us about the impending reign of our robot overlords
— #trolled: Louis and Hari Kondabalu Twitter-fight
— Blew Devil: Belle Knox is a porn star that is also a student at Duke University
— Freedom: The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court has ruled that it is perfectly legal to take upskirt pictures
— Parents Of The Year: Teresa and Joe Giudice of The Real Housewives of New Jersey told their kids they were going to jail while on camera
— Welcome To McDonald’s, Nigga: Staples will be closing 225 of its stores; Radio Shack will close 1,100 stores
— Walk The Plank: Chemda and Danny are now in a workout-fight, pledging $20 to each other for every day they don't exercise

Guests

Louis Katz

Pictures

Louis Katz

Kris Tinkle, Louis' roommate

Zion the tattooed dog

Zion's owner "Mistah Metro"

Hugsy Malone

The 'ol Lemon Trick

Mechagodzilla

Hari Kondabolu

Moshe Kasher

Belle Knox

Russia's flag

KATG 1935: The One and Only Adele Dazeem

with John F. O’Donnell and Kelly Fastuca March 5, 2014

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Show Notes

— Guess Who’s Back: Keith and Chemda are back in the studio after the success of the 38-Hour Marathon
— Pancake Tuesday: Christian Lent is explained
— No Thanks, I Just Ate: Greek yogurt is so disgusting that neither Sochi customs nor starving homeless people will accept it
— Infallible: Pope Francis accidentally swore in Italian when he mixed up the words caso (case) and cazzo (fuck)
— Everyone Knows You’re High, Billy: Keith and Chemda reminisce about the 38-Hour Marathon
— Death Boat: 2 men were found dead aboard Maersk Alabama, the boat where the events of Captain Phillips took place
— Let It Go: John Travolta laughably butchered Idina Menzel’s name when he introduced her during the 2014 Academy Awards
— Gin Rummy: George Lopez was arrested after passing out drunk on the floor of the Caesars Windsor casino in Canada
— For The Children: A Real Housewife of New Jersey and her husband are asking for consecutive jail sentences after they pled guilty to fraud charges so that their children will not be without their fine influence
— Run Your House: Chemda lets us know the latest regarding Mr. Flatbush, and KATG play the segment from the 38-Hour Marathon where John F. O’Donnell, alongside Kelly Fastuca, explains the best way to deal with an out-of-control manic-depressive

Guests

John F. O'Donnell

Kelly Fastuca

Pictures

Keith Lowell Jensen's podcast "It's Funny Because"

Ash Wednesday

Keith and Cat's Pancake Tuesday spread

Hugsy Malone enjoying Pancake Tuesday

Pope Francis

Myq Kaplan and Katharine Heller

Lauren Hennessy

Billy Procida

John Travolta

Idina Menzel

Philip Seymour Hoffman

George Lopez

Allison

Allison's L'Chaim tattoo

Tim Dimond

David's My Name Is Keith tattoo

The Angel and The Devil

Teresa and Joe Giudice

Jonnie Flatbush

Lauren's backstabbing art

Jonnie's backstabbing art

Jonnie's $uperhero art

Jonnie's graffiti on Chemda's walls

jessnyc

Cat and Jess prepare to paint Chemda's apartment

Voila!

John F. O'Donnell

Kelly Fastuca

KATG 1934: 2014 38-Hour Marathon: The Beginning

with Mark Douglas, Jesse Joyce, Pat Dixon, Dan Soder, Ted Alexandro, and Matteo Lane March 4, 2014

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Show Notes

— White People All Look The Same: Mark Douglas swears he saw Keith jogging in the neighborhood even though Keith denies it
— The Key Of Awesome: Mark met Barack Obama as part of a roundtable discussion with famous YouTubers
— A True Professional: Jesse Joyce takes umbrage with the fact that Danny Hatch asked him for talking points before the marathon
— That Shit’s Corny: Does everyone masturbate?
— Is It That Hard To Get In There?: Mark almost lost his virginity in his car when he was 18 before he was interrupted by a creep
— You’re Shit Out Of Luck: Mark plays himself off of the Marathon
— The Accidental Misogynist: Pat Dixon discusses the fallout of his Woody Allen debate on KATG Episode and asks if he’s really a misogynist
— At Least Call In: Rich Vos calls into the show to wish KATG a happy Marathon
— High School Never Ends: Dan Soder joins the gang to discuss the social hierarchy of The Comedy Cellar’s tables
— It’s Your Lucky Day: Dan did mushrooms when he was 16 and got pulled over by a cop
— The Green Room: Lauren Hennessy joins the gang to discuss drug advocacy
— Occupy Conan: Ted Alexandro gave Keith some insider betting information about his Conan set before it aired
— Hollyweird Is Hard Enough: The gang discusses celebrities who ruin themselves with makeup and plastic surgery
— The Notorious D.A.N.: Dan comes clean about his official stance on Eli Manning’s fake memorabilia
— That Was A Coincidence: Dan and Ted ran into each other in separate cabs outside of La Guardia airport
— Gay Voice: Inspired by his set on Conan, Ted and Matteo Lane talk about how pleasant gay people are

Guests

Pictures

Mark Douglas

Jesse Joyce

Pat Dixon

Dan Soder

Ted Alexandro

Matteo Lane

Barack Obama

Peter Shukoff and Lloyd Ahlquist of Epic Rap Battles of History

Chuck Barris, CIA hitman/host of The Gong Show

Jim Lange, host of The Dating Game

Louis C.K.

George W. Bush

Tommy Johnagin

Tim Dimond

Woody Allen and Dylan Farrow

Mara Marek

Rich Vos

Bonnie McFarlane

David Rex's My Name Is Keith tattoo

Philip Seymour Hoffman

Chris Rock

Lauren Hennessy

Louis C.K.'s sweat patches

Sarah Michelle Gellar

Courteney Cox

Eli Manning

Biggie Smalls

KATG 1933: Change is Coming

with Rachel Feinstein February 28, 2014

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Show Notes

— RIP Dick Sister: Rachel Feinstein, who moved to NYC with a guy and his band, is in studio
— We Do Not Comment On Legal Matters: Mob Wives’ Karen Gravano is suing Grand Theft Auto V (which Rachel voiced a character for), alleging that it has characters based off of her and father
— Crime And Punishment: 100% of KATG’s listeners think we need jails; Rachel isn’t so sure that the sexting middle school teacher does
— Speaking Of Bad People: The gang discusses the Jonnie ‘Paint Your Walls’ Flatbush situation
— Keep The Change: A man in South Carolina tried to pay an Applebee’s tab with a $1,000,000,000,000 bill, which tickles Rachel (who likes to throw change on men after she has sex with them) to no end; the top BitCoin trading website filed for bankruptcy
— We Shall Overcome: Paula Deen can relate to “the black gay football player” because they’ve both suffered discrimination
— Everybody Must Get Stoned: Taco Bell has announced the Waffle Taco, the flagship item on its brand new breakfast menu
— All Bets Are On: The gang makes their official, infuriating Oscar predictions

Guests

Rachel Feinstein

Pictures

Rachel Feinstein

Last Comic Standing season 7's top 10 finalists

Annie Lederman

Mark Zuckerberg

Mark Zuckerberg's GTA V counterpart

Lindsay Lohan and her GTA V counterpart

Karen Gravano and her GTA V counterpart

Jonnie's new profile picture, featuring Danny Hatch and Newsy

Right in the corner

The good chips

Michael Williams

Michael Williams' $1 trillion bill

Bitcoin

Paula Deen

Michael Sam

Taco Bell's new Waffle Taco

Keith's Oscar picks

Chemda's Oscar picks

Rachel's Oscar picks

Lizsquiz's Oscar picks

KATG 1932: Art $tar

with Lauren Hennessy, Michael Khalili, and Marisela Arias February 27, 2014

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Show Notes

— Get Well Soon, Everybody: Lauren Hennessy, Michael Khalili, and Marisela Arias, who have been better, are in studio
— No Longer A Friend Of Ours: Jonnie ‘Run Your Pockets’ Flatbush vandalized Chemda and Lauren’s home. The gang shares the full story.
— Green Card: Keith discusses the process he and his wife went through with the Office of Homeland Security
— Ballsy: The gang plays another round of the hit game Lick My, Suck My
— What’s My Name Is Keith: There were a lot strong opinions about Calise’s appearance on yesterday’s show, among them the revelation that Keith and Chemda could start a tag-team therapy service; 33% of KATG’s audience has experienced night terrors
— Slippery Slope: The gang talks some more about the sexting middle school teacher
— Yellow-Toothed Goons: Listeners attack Keith over his statements regarding homophobia being more prevalent in the black community, the overall physical look of Ukrainians, the situation in Kiev, and how much hockey sucks
— Soldier Of The Cycle: Marisela and Keith commiserate over some military boot camp horror stories

Guests

Michael Khalili

Lauren Hennessy

Marisela Arias

Pictures

Marisela Arias and Michael Khalili

Lauren Hennessy

Jonnie Flatbush

Jonnie's graffiti

Keith McNally

Hugsy Malone

Calise Hawkins

Freddy Krueger

Ukraine

Violence in Kiev

Chicken Kiev

KATG 1931: City of Angels

with Calise Hawkins February 26, 2014

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Show Notes

— DICK!: Calise Hawkins, going for the long shot while playing Lick My, Suck My, is in studio
— Red Toothbrush: Keith and his wife Cathryn will have their marriage tested by the government tomorrow when Cat applies for her Green Card
— Shine On: Calise and her homeless couch-surfing boyfriend Kunal Arora have broken up because Calise is a beautiful bright light whose shine he couldn’t take
— Nonfiction: Calise explains how night terrors are aliens coming into our sleep to fix us, as explained in the bible. Also, water gives people cancer.
— Useless Betty: Calise discusses her early brushes with comedy and shares the first joke she ever told
— Smoked Out: Calise is quitting drinking for her birthday, which is shortly after she tried getting addicted to cigarettes
— Good Girl: Robin Thicke and Paula Patton have called off their 9-year marriage probably due to Robin’s habit of fingering the asshole of every woman he takes a picture with
— Life Is The Worst Dad: Justin Bieber has always been a terrible little asshole as evidenced by his documentary ‘Never Say Never’
— This Is America: 76% of KATG’s listeners think the junior high school teacher who sexted his 13-year-old student should be in jail; Calise, who was raped at 15, isn’t as convinced

Guests

Calise Hawkins

Pictures

Calise Hawkins

The KATG app's rating

Kunal Arora

Marina Franklin

Ron and Fez

Calise gets dangerous

Calise and her new boyfriend

Paula Patton and Robin Thicke

Robin Thicke and not Paula Patton

The Yale Club

Hugo Hesny, Justin Bieber's bodyguard

George Zimmerman

Calise the Ugly Duckling

KATG 1930: Knights In Satan’s Service

with Larry Getlen February 25, 2014

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Show Notes

— Corporations Are People Too: Larry Getlen, ghostwriter of jokes for CEOs and author of a book about George Carlin, is in studio
— Yes Or No: Keith asks Larry, a qualified entertainment writer, if Woody Allen raped his daughter
— The Hall: KISS says they will not perform at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame because they can’t decide on a line-up
— Nobody Will Ever Believe You: Bill Murray was one of Larry’s favorite interview subjects; Keith isn’t so sure Bill isn’t a little bit senile
— Funny To The End: Harold Ramis, actor and writer of such films as Animal House, Ghostbusters, and Stripes, has died at the age of 69
— Swish: Jason Collins, on a 10-day contract with the Brooklyn Nets, is officially the first openly gay player in any of the four major professional sports; Larry believes his family members are too ‘straight-laced’ to be gay
— Bad News For The Redskins: There will be a 15-yard penalty in the upcoming NFL season for any player heard uttering a racial slur; Larry discusses growing up in segregated Brooklyn
— Hockey Sucks Dick: After watching the Olympics, the gang discusses their thoughts on hockey
— Sachi: The gang discusses the end of the 2014 Sochi Olympics, featuring Russia’s sense of humor, Bob Costas’ incompetence, and America’s supreme overall dominance
— Speech Impediment: The case against a junior high school teacher sexting a 13-year-old student has been dropped because the teacher had the right to freedom of speech
— George Carlin, The Optimist: Larry discusses his eBook about George Carlin which is based on a 5-hour interview

Guests

Larry Getlen

Pictures

Larry Getlen

KATG's brand new iPhone app

The 'Maybe' crew

Soon-Yi Previn and Woody Allen

Dylan Farrow

O.J. and Nicole Simpson

KISS

Spicoli

The KISS Coffin

Led Zeppelin

Rush

Bill Murray

Harold Ramis

The new (slightly blacker) cast of Fantastic Four

Michael Sam

Jason Collins

Russia's opening ceremony

Russia's closing ceremony

Gasp! The torch isn’t lit!

Figure skating at its finest

Dutch skater Sjinkie Knegt flipping off Viktor Ahn

Adelina Sotnikova and judge

U.S.A. finally beats Canada in hockey

Team Canada

Bob Costas

Anderson Cooper interviewing Al Melvin

George and Patrick Carlin

KATG 1929: The Red Button

with Lauren Hennessy February 20, 2014

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Show Notes

— Aloha: Lauren Hennessy, who is being filmed with Chemda for a documentary, is in studio
— I’m Here: Lauren discusses his 1-person show which he plans to have written by the end of February and premiere during KATG Week 2014
— Huh?: Chemda and Lauren explain to Keith the difference between the words homosexual and gay and what it would be like if Keith dated Lauren
— Pussy Whipped: Pussy Riot was attacked with whips and pepper spray during an impromptu performance in Sochi
— Silver Medal: The United States is now in 2nd place, trailing only Norway in the 2014 Sochi Olympics; Tech Andrew and Chemda are betting against Keith on Canada vs. USA men’s hockey
— It’s The Motion Of The Ocean: The male brain is larger than the female brain
— What A Bunch Of Lugers: Keith doesn’t believe Olympians really train for 4 years for their events
— Stop Catcalling Her: An Ohio woman legally changed her name from Sheila to Sexy
— Invisible Erectile Dysfunction: Keith asks Lauren some questions about his invisible penis
— The Hunger Games: A Norwegian prisoner, who killed 77 people in one day in 2011, is going on a hunger strike until he gets to play video games
— Spoiler Alert: Keith is not pleased that Titanfall won’t come with a single-player campaign nor is he pleased with the Robocop remake
— Sorry Jim Gaffigan: Hot Pockets with diseased meat has been recalled
— 36 Is The Loneliest Number: 5% of KATG’s audience has never fought or argued with their mate, 5% fight or argue once a year, 22% fight or argue twice a year, 17% fight or argue once a month, 14% fight or argue once a week, 2% fight or argue daily, and 36% don’t have a mate; Chemda and Lauren argue about how much they argue

Guests

Lauren Hennessy

Pictures

Lauren Hennessy

Abe Forman-Greenwald

Michael Slagle

A female urination device

Chyna

Pussy Riot

Sarah Palin

Tech Andrew

Bob Costas in the Fortress of Solitude

Sexy Ranea Crabtree, formerly known as Sheila

Packing penis

Ian Harvie

Norwegian murderer Anders Behring Breivik

Leeza Gibbons in RoboCop

Leeza Gibbons next to RoboCop

Alex Van Halen in RoboCop

Jim Gaffigan

KATG 1928: Man on the Street

with Hari Kondabolu February 19, 2014

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Show Notes

— Hurry: Hari Kondabolu, whose name Keith almost pronounced right, is in studio
— Not The Only Indian There: Hari went to a high school that was for ‘people who are too smart for school,’ where he started doing stand-up
— Easy: Keith and Chemda went to Staples for new chairs and left the clerk in utter confusion
— Devil’s Advocate: A Navy Petty Officer Second Class (who doesn’t know how to swim) calls in to complain about the forums and how tone can’t be heard behind people’s posts
— You Fucked Up: 89-year-old Elaine Stritch dropped the F-bomb live on The Today Show
— #YouFeelMeJunior?: The newly-engaged Charlie Sheen is still insane after all these years, leading Ashton Kutcher to publicly call him out on television
— Be Cool, Ashley: Ashley Madison, a website that helps users manage affairs, publicizes which NYC neighborhoods house the majority of their clients
— Insert Digits, Minimum: The gang discusses exes, marriage, and the proper etiquette for bringing a date to a wedding
— I Was Just So Mean To Her: The chef at Keith and Cat’s favorite restaurant had an interesting way of proposing to his wife, and Keith shares more tales from the finest dollar-oyster joint in town
— We’re #3!: The United States is slowly but surely climbing the ranks of the 2014 Winter Olympics
— There’s An App For That: It is now legal in 3 states to gamble with real money on casino apps

Guests

Hari Kondabolu

Pictures

Hari Kondabolu

Hari's high school

Solomon Schechter School of Queens, Chemda's Hebrew school

No it wasn't

Petty Officer Second Class

Elaine Stritch

Hoda and Kathy Lee

Kimmy Gatewood

Charlie Sheen

Charlie's birthday cake for his ex

Ashton Kutcher

Brett Rossi, Charlie's fiancée

Vladimir Putin

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