KATG 2024: Book It

With Frank Conniff – MST3K; celebrities charging money at conventions and what they make; Kevin Smith is on the outs with Ben Affleck; Dustin “Screech” Diamond; convention groupie sex; engaging strangers with jokes; Jenny McCarthy’s son calls the cops on her, repeatedly; the NYPD chokehold; recent KATG polls and politics; President Warren G. Harding, pervert; Orlando Bloom punches Justin Bieber over Miranda Kerr July 31, 2014

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Show Notes

— Reminder: Frank Conniff, who is here for real this time, is in studio
— Mystery Snark Theater 3000: Frank was a cast member of the cult show Mystery Science Theater 3000, and he reveals that he and his fellow bullies never got any hassle from the people involved in the movies they were making fun of
— Sign Me Up: Frank has only charged for signing autographs at one convention, where he made $700 in a day
— Chicks Ruin Everything: Kevin Smith revealed that he and Ben Affleck have not been ‘tight in decades’ because Ben’s wife Jennifer Garner ‘don’t care for’ Kevin
— HA HA: Frank’s first job in Los Angeles was writing for a show Dustin Diamond was on, where Screech dissed him after not understanding a joke Frank wrote
— Porkin' Frank: Frank hasn’t dated anyone lately, and talks about the difference between groupie sex and sex with a person you care about
— Noted: Keith and Frank are both uncomfortable with engaging strangers in their personal lives
— Maybe A Vaccine Could Fix This: Jenny McCarthy’s son loves calling the cops on his mom
— So They Couldn't Breathe Into The Mic?: The NYPD has been using illegal chokeholds to restrain people for bizarre crimes such as selling loose cigarettes and barbecuing on the sidewalk, with at least one fatal result
— The Numbers Are In: 8% of KATG’s listeners sleepwalk; 59% have allergies; 18% have OCD; 47% believe successful politicians are evil by definition, which Frank disagrees with
— Oh, Jerry: More than 1,000 pages of handwritten sexy letters former president Warren G. Harding wrote to his mistress in the early 20th century have been released
— In Bloom ('s Face): Orlando Bloom threw a punch at Justin Bieber for making a snide remark about his ex-wife Miranda Kerr. After the incident, Justin posted a picture of the ex on Instagram before immediately taking it down.

Pictures

Frank Conniff

Joe Don Baker

William Shatner

Ace Frehley

Lori Petty

Kevin Smith and Ben Affleck

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck

Dustin Diamond

Elvira

Jenny McCarthy and her son

The stolen CitiBike

The NYPD's chokehold

Hillary and Bill Clinton

Monica Lewinsky

Barack Obama

Warren G. Hardy

Warren's mistress Carrie Fulton Phillips

Justin Bieber

John Mayer

Miranda Kerr

David Prowse

KATG 2023: 10%

With Greg Warren - Handshaking vs. fist-bumping; McDonald’s selling expired meat; customer service and Cracker Barrel; woman awarded $23.6 billion in cigarette settlement; Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin revisited; the percentage of our brain that we use; Jerry Sandusky’s adopted son speaks of sexual abuse; Disney World employees arrested for pedophilia and child porn; Disney employee rules; why you should jump the turnstile; Jay-Z and Beyonce to divorce? July 30, 2014

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Show Notes

— What Do I Gotta Do, Read 'Em All?: Greg Warren, who has a lot of credits, is in studio
— Pound It: Fist-bumping spreads only one-twentieth the amount of bacteria that a handshake does
— Stand By Your Meat: A factory in China that supplies to a multitude of fast food restaurants was found to be processing expired meat and meat that had fallen on the floor, and was dropped by every food establishment except McDonald’s
— Tea'd Off: The gang talks about how complaining to companies has evolved from letters to phone calls to social media posts, and Greg discusses his love-hate relationship with Cracker Barrel
— Wingin’ It: 39% of KATG’s listeners prefer blue cheese dressing with their buffalo wings
— Thank You For Dying: A Florida jury awarded a widow $23.6 billion in damages because a cigarette company didn’t inform her late husband how dangerous it was to smoke cigarettes
— Women And Politics: Keith uncovers a new part of the broke Hillary Clinton conspiracy, and Keith predicts a very public Sarah Palin meltdown
— Myth Busted: The existence of Expendables 3 shoots down the ‘we actually do use 100% of our brains’ theory
— Penn-etration State: Jerry Sandusky’s adopted son gave an interview to Oprah about his life of child abuse and ‘bedtime rituals’
— The Most Magical Place On Earth: 35 Disney World employees have been accused of pedophilia and possessing child porn since 2006. The gang discusses some of the strict rules Disney park employees must adhere to.
— NOT THIS TRAIN!: Keith explains to Greg why you shouldn’t feel guilty in the least for jumping the subway turnstiles
— All The Single Ladies: The fact that Beyoncé is apartment hunting without Jay-Z adds to the theory that they are breaking up from their fake marriage.

Guests

Greg Warren

Pictures

Greg Warren

Keith and The Girl's offering to Greg

The plant that processed tainted meat for McDonald's

Sriracha

Cynthia Robinson, the woman who won a $23.6 billion lawsuit against R.J. Reynolds

Diane Sawyer and Hillary Clinton

Noted brain-usage expert Christian Finnegan

Frasier Crane

Dolph Lundgren

Jerry Sandusky

Matt Sandusky and Oprah Winfrey

Beyoncé and Jay-Z

Rihanna

Solange

'Weird Al' Yankovic

KATG 2022: Woman of the People

With Kevin Avery – Last Week Tonight with John Oliver; the Sarah Palin Channel; a prankster replaced the American flags atop the Brooklyn Bridge; multimillionaire Hillary Clinton claims her family was “dead broke” when they left the White House; Bill Clinton’s current mistress; sexual advances denied and chronicled in a spreadsheet; sexless romantic relationships July 29, 2014

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Show Notes

— FXXked Up: Kevin Avery, ex-head writer of Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell and current writer on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, is in studio
— Last Week This Instant: Kevin talks about the stress of staying on top of up-to-the-minute world and pop culture news as a writer for daily and weekly television shows
— Gotcha Journalism: Sarah Palin now has her own online news channel to combat the lame-stream media all around her
— Surrender: Someone replaced the regular American flags on top of the Brooklyn Bridge with bleached-white American flags, exposing how shoddy bridge security is
— This Week In The Clinton Family: Hillary Clinton, who’s made over $5,000,000 by giving speeches (and whose husband made over $100,000,000 through speeches), claimed her family was ‘dead broke’ when they left the White House; Bill Clinton has a mistress nicknamed ‘Energizer’ who is kept secret from Hillary by both Bill and Hillary’s secret service agents
— Spread Lips, Not Sheets: A man created a spreadsheet to document both every time his wife refused him sex and the excuses she used when she denied him; they are but 2 of the 40,000,000 Americans in sexless romantic relationships

Pictures

Kevin Avery

Mitch McConnell

Justin Bieber

Sarah Palin

Madea

The white flag on the Brooklyn Bridge

Bane

Bruce Wayne

Hillary and Bill Clinton being poor

Excuses, excuses...

KATG 2021: Collective Consciousness

Tony Dungy wouldn’t have drafted Michael Sam; addressing jokes and comments directed at straight white men; a dildo is left inside a woman for 10 years; Lucy; bike thievery in NYC; high school and its teachers July 28, 2014

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Show Notes

— The Week Begins: Keith and Chemda are in studio to start the one-and-a-half month countdown to real football
— Honest Answer: Former Colts coach and current commentator Tony Dungy wouldn’t draft Michael Sam, the first openly gay football player
— Privilege: KATG discusses the jokes and comments that are used to attack straight white men
— Heaven C-Aunt Wait: Keith asked for Retweets and Likes to move his dead aunt up a few places in line to get to heaven
— That Sucks: 6.5% of KATG’s listeners believe ‘it’s their religion, and it’s their right’ when it comes to mohels using their mouths to circumcise babies
— No Man Can Last That Long: A woman left a 5-inch dildo in her vagina for 10 years
— Loose Logic: Keith reviews the Scarlett Johansson movie Lucy
— Shiti Bike: Someone stole Lauren’s bike wheel the day he and Chemda were planning to go on a romantic bike date
— Mr. And Mrs. Blank: Keith gets nostalgic about his old school and its teachers

Pictures

Ray Rice and his unconscious wife, deeply regretting the role she played in the incident

Michael Sam

Tony Dungy and Michael Vick

One of Michael Vick's dogs

Bars freaking out over no futbol or football

A mohel behaving in a completely appropriate manner to 6.5% of KATG's listeners

Cathryn's Batman poster and inspired cake

Keith's floating desk

Nirvana in 1991

Indonesian president/Barack Obama look-alike Joko Widodo

The insides of the woman who left a sex toy in her vagina for 10 years

Lauren's bike without its stolen tire

Cathryn and Keith work on solutions to the bike-thievery epidemic

KATG 2020: Pretty Pretty

With Carmen Lynch and Liz Miele – 50 Shades of Grey is a movie; Keith’s aunt dies; Bigfoot isn’t real; USPS; sexual harassment and Chemda witnesses a man punch, kick, and choke a woman; Insane Clown Posse is sued for sexual harassment; NFL’s Justin Black’s suspension continues and Ray Rice misses 2 games for beating his wife; 16 babies in NYC have herpes because of Jewish circumcisions; “Weird Al” Yankovic reaches #1 on Billboard July 25, 2014

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Show Notes

— Royals: Carmen Lynch and Liz Miele, both queens of the castle, are in studio
— Cover Up: Liz and Carmen are clueless about the mom-porn novel/upcoming film 50 Shades of Grey, right down to not knowing what the book cover looks like
— It Sounds Like You Cared A Lot: Keith’s aunt, who might be his godmother, died, and now he doesn’t know who’s left or how to ask his family that; Liz just became her nephew’s godmother
— Duh?: Scientists have finally broken their legendary silence and confirmed that there is no such thing as Bigfoot
— The System Works: Keith started his day in a great mood because he went to pick up a package from the Post Office and it was actually there
— Acrobat-caller: Keith saw a subway acrobat sexually harass a woman on the train and asks Liz and Carmen how they deal with creeps in public; Chemda talks about witnessing domestic abuse on the street in her neighborhood
— If The Glass Dildo Fits: Kid Rock’s glass dildo is being subpoenaed in a sexual harassment lawsuit against a member of Insane Clown Posse
— Sacked: Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver Justin Blackmon has been suspended from the NFL for a DUI charge and having 2 blunts in his car but his punishment is far less severe than Baltimore Ravens’ Ray Rice, who will miss 2 games for beating his wife unconscious
— This Is A Tweet: Chemda met somebody who had 4 different Foo Fighters tattoos but was too shy to tweet at Foo Fighters to tell them
— Slurp: 2 more infants in NYC, for a total 16 in NYC alone, have contracted herpes as a result of rabbis sucking the blood from their freshly circumcised penises
— Alapalooza: ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic’s latest album is the first #1 comedy album in 50 years

Guests

Carmen Lynch

Liz Miele

Pictures

Liz Miele and Carmen Lynch

Bigfoot

The domestic abuser Chemda encountered

Hunter S. Thompson

Kid Rock

Insane Clown Posse

Dirty Dan, the defendant in the sexual harrassment lawsuit

Andrea Pellegrini, the prosecutor in the sexual harassment lawsuit

Justin Blackmon

Ray Rice

Ray Rice dragging his unconscious wife

Foo Fighters

A mohel circumcising his new boyfriend

"Weird Al" Yankovic

Coolio

James Blunt

Lady Gaga

Robin Thicke

Paula Patton

KATG 2019: Blurred Lines

With Abbi Crutchfield – The real Morgan Freeman and what celebrities are like; #FreePalestine; New York is America’s unhappiest city; the Cannibal Cop’s assistant; Ben Stein is a pervert; how to get out of a DUI; Sarah Palin receives a traffic ticket; Robin Thicke wants Paula Patton back; the Tupac and Rocky musicals fail; coconut oil July 24, 2014

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Show Notes

— A Great Guest, Period: Abbi Crutchfield, who appeared on an episode of the Tyra Banks Show about menstruation and adult diapers, is in studio
— Immaculate Conception: Abbi is a celebrity interviewer on a show for People Magazine, where she learned just how flirtatious and apocalypse-obsessed Morgan Freeman is
— #Informed: Dwight Howard and Rihanna both tweeted #FreePalestine before immediately deleting their tweets when people complained
— Concrete Jungle Where Dreams Are Broken: Abbi has lived in New York City, which was recently named America’s unhappiest city, for 9 years
— Cook-booked: A British male nurse, who helped coach the NYPD Cannibal Cop, was arrested for planning to kidnap, cook, and eat a 14-year-old girl he befriended online
— Seduce Ben Stein's Money: The very married Ben Stein sent a pregnant former escort $1,500 after befriending her and receiving sexy pictures, but the girl went public with the story when he said he wanted to ‘hug and kiss’ her
— Women And Driving, Am I Right?: A woman went into a pub after crashing her car and started drinking to cover up the fact that she was drunk, and Sarah Palin got a speeding ticket in her Alaskan hometown despite the fact that she is the former governor of Alaska
— The Album Is Called Paula: Robin Thicke’s plan to get his ex-wife Paula Patton back and retain some of popularity by making an album about her is not going very well
— Yo Adrian, We Kind Of Did It: A Broadway musical based on Tupac Shakur’s work is closing early after poor reviews, as is Rocky: The Musical
— You Can Masturbate With It, Too!: Abbi and Chemda talk about their experience with curly hair, and the gang extols the virtue of coconut oil

Guests

Abbi Crutchfield

Pictures

Abbi Crutchfield

Abbi and her adult diaper on The Tyra Banks Show

Lisa Nowak, the crazy adult diaper-wearing astronaut

John Stamos

Eric Stonestreet

Morgan Freeman

Rob Reiner

Ice Cube

Dwight Howard

Rihanna

The Washington Square Park snake

Tanya Ma and Ben Stein

Sarah Palin

Robin Thicke cheating in New York

Robin Thicke cheating in Paris

Paula Patton, Robin Thicke's wife

Tim Howard

Pink and her husband Carey Hart

Danny Hatch

Katharine Heller

Ali May

The new Expendables film has quite a few familiar faces. But enough about Stallone!

Brigitte Nielsen is looking good.

Grace Jones do be lookin' fine as hell!

KATG 2018: Flour Power

With Daliya Karnofsky – Vegetarianism; true love; hippies and the FBI watch list; The Purge: Anarchy and Deliver Us from Evil; secondary evil July 23, 2014

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Show Notes

— In For A Treat: Daliya Karnofsky, who brought cookies to the show, is in studio
— And She Bakes: Daliya incorporates her love of baking into her comedy and storytelling ventures
— No More Beige: Daliya and Chemda both went vegan/vegetarian for past relationships, but those lifestyles fell by the wayside after the relationships ended
— When You Know, You Know: 30-year-old Daliya is in a long-distance relationship with a 23-year-old actor in California whom she met a month-and-a-half ago, and she is planning to move there but not because of him, she swears
— Unorthodox: Daliya’s father is an ex-hippie who was on an FBI watch list for protesting the Vietnam War. He now works as a rabbi at a maximum security prison. Daliya talks about her own relationship with Judaism and how that meshes with the love of her life’s.
— Am I Allowed To Rape?: Keith reviews The Purge: Anarchy and Deliver Us From Evil
— This Week In Child Sex Abuse And Religion: An accused child molester is suing New York City because he wasn’t allowed to practice Wicca in jail; an ex-Christian morning radio host admitted to raping and kidnapping a child; Keith covers some more Bible quotes and offers his and his followers’ prayers to an old acquaintance

Guests

Daliya Karnofsky

Pictures

Daliya Karnofsky

Katharine Heller

Molly Knefel

Daliya's boyfriend

Jesse Joyce

Joel McHale

John Baylo, the ex-Christian radio host arrested for child sex abuse

Keith the missionary

KATG 2017: The Good Ol' Days

With Joe DeRosa - Entitled people; obtaining medical marijuana; sobriety and AA; expecting to die July 22, 2014

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Show Notes

— There Goes Joe’s Day: Joe DeRosa, who dropped his coffee the second he walked into the building, is in studio
— Age Of Entitlement: Joe is a curmudgeon but only because he is affected so greatly by the state of things in the world; he and Chemda both think that they are better suited for the 1970s
— Okay, Cracker: Joe grew up white despite a DNA test telling him he’s 20% African and 80% Middle Eastern, and he is willing to accept racial slurs for white people in exchange for the rest of the world calming down a little
— It’s Pretty Easy To Get The Weed Card: Joe lives in Los Angeles and has a medical marijuana card because of his ‘back problems’
— Automatic Fun: Joe started drinking again after a brief hiatus because sobriety is boring; Joe shares his disgust with the ‘functioning’ alcoholics who attend AA meetings
— So Why Even Bother?: Joe’s aunt died of cirrhosis of the liver, but she didn’t acquire it from drinking; Joe, who is a healthy 36-year-old, is afraid of dying young and runs down a list of young people who died too soon

Guests

Joe DeRosa

Pictures

Joe DeRosa

Frank Sinatra

The Exorcist

Brett Ratner

Louis C.K.

Doug Stanhope

Alcoholics Anonymous

Patrice O'Neal

Mike DeStefano

KATG 2016: Shake It Off

With Will Petz – Quiet Events and Quiet Clubbing; douche bros in a club; excommunication; the controversial professor’s comments on unconscious rape; James Garner dies; Israel vs. Palestine; Russia shoots down a Malaysian passenger airliner that Jason Biggs jokes about; Gisele Bündchen is still the #1 supermodel; Johnny Utah’s revisited; a police officer gets pizza pranked July 21, 2014

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Show Notes

— On The Green Channel: Will Petz, the genius behind the Quiet Events, is in studio
— Plugged In: Will talks about the other headphone events he’s masterminded, like a flash-mob party and a romantic play where the man’s thoughts are broadcast on one channel and the woman’s on another
— Is That Your Girl?: Keith recorded an episode of My Name Is Keith with Ali May, where he didn’t even have to yell at her but got her so drunk that he literally paralyzed her
— Handshaker From Way Back: Keith encountered a rude group of people at a party, and he was ready to throw punches
— It's A Girl: A 44-year-old Chinese man checked into a hospital with stomach pain and discovered he was really a woman
— Checking In With The Fans: KATG Tattoo #135 and a person becoming excommunicated from God for being gay
— Raping The Benefits: As it turns out, the professor Ari Shaffir mentioned was not saying that unconscious rape victims suffer less than conscious rape victims, he was actually saying that raping an unconscious person shouldn’t be illegal because they wouldn’t realize it anyway
— R.I.P. Jamie Gardener: James Garner, of Maverick and The Rockford Files fame, died at 86
— Future Soap Hockey Rink: Chemda’s parents are caught up in the crossfire of the latest Israel/Palestine missile attacks
— Too Soon: Russia shoots down a Malaysian Airlines passenger jet, and Jason Biggs causes an uproar joking about it
— Soccer’s Over: Another listener writes in to tell Keith how wrong he is about soccer, and Gisele Bündchen is the top-earning supermodel for 7 years in a row with $386,000,000. (She makes considerably more than husband Tom Brady.)
— Here’s What That Reminds Me Of: Will has taken people on organized tours to Johnny Utah’s for mechanical bull riding. Guess where this leads to...
— Cheesed Off: A man ordered 5 pizzas to the police officer who arrested him while he was being processed in the police station

Guests

Will Petz

Pictures

Will Petz

Ali May

Adam Brown

Emmy

Barbi getting her new tattoo

Barbi and KATG Tattoo #135

Ari Shaffir

Steven Landsburg, the economics professor and unconscious rape advocate

James Garner

The wreckage of the shot-down Malaysian flight in Ukraine

Cor Pan, who posted "If it disappears, this is what it looks like," before his plane was shot down

Jason Biggs

Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen

Michael Harp, the man who got extra jail time for ordering 5 pizzas to his booking officer

KATG 2015: Concession Stand

With Ari Shaffir – Keith’s concession speech; conscious rape vs. unconscious rape; poisoning the President; Manuel Noriega sues Call of Duty; the death penalty; Shroomfest July 18, 2014

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Show Notes

— Please Welcome Ralphie May: Ari Shaffir, host of Ari Shaffir’s Skeptic Tank, is in studio
— You Can Always Take A Layer Off: Keith is starting to wonder if he’s becoming the guy who hates every season he’s in; Ari talks about walking throughout various parts of the world topless
— Man Of The People: Keith wrote a concession speech that he prepared as a result of losing the latest polls; Ari gets in on the Keith vs. Chemda action
— Tape Culture: Chemda’s new solution for dealing with cat-callers is to film them, even though it is a literally life-threatening solution
— No, It’s The Same: Ari agrees with a college professor who argued that unconscious rape victims don’t suffer the same amount as conscious rape victims
— The Walking Dead: An actress who sent ricin-laced letters to Barack Obama and Michael Bloomberg received 18 years in jail
— His Reputation Is At Stake: Manuel Noriega, currently serving a 20-year jail sentence, is suing a Call of Duty game for using his likeness without his permission; Keith offers his services as a traveling executioner
— Fun Guy: Ari plugs Shroomfest, a weekend-long holiday in August where people take mushrooms

Guests

Ari Shaffir

Pictures

Ari Shaffir

Ralphie May

Anthony Cumia

Steven Landsburg, the economics professor who aruged that unconscious rape victims suffer less

Calise Hawkins

Danny Dunn, the still-alive Army veteran who was pronounced dead

Shannon Guess Richardson, the actress who tried to poison Barack Obama and Michael Bloomberg

Shannon Guess Richardson on The Walking Dead

Barack Obama

Michael Bloomberg

Manual Noriega

Manual Noriega in Call of Duty

Oliver North

Oliver North in Call of Duty

Lauren Hennessy

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