New job, tell me your work horror stories

[motownguy]

Originally Posted by hellbent

i dont have many horror work stories, but funny ones.

at a strip bar where i worked as a cocktail server, i saw this hobo-ish drunk walk in, go straight to the tipping stage where i was taking a drink order from a customer, and saw this hobo lick this dancers ass crack. she turned around, shocked. "you cant do that", the bouncer picked this little guy up and tossed him out. odd.

my first job was newspaper delivery boy, i had a load of newspapers in a sack on the front rack of my bike, i hit a manhole, and my face hit the concrete edge, cracking my front tooth.

my 2nd job was at burger king. we used to have mustard and ketchup fights and once we sent some steaks thru the broiler to be 'flame broiled'

i once owned an internet cafe, and some one walked into the back room where we did pc repairs and stole an old broken laptop. it had to go to court and i had to pay $800, way more then the depreciated value. this is a horror story because the business was not making money at that time.
at this same icafe, i hooked up with this girl, who had a boyfriend 'in canada', was also fucking this other guy, and apparently had been raped by her older sister when she was a kid.
callers that call in for on-site service from accross the island, then arent home or dont answer the door (because the problem was fixed or something). no pay, wasted gas, wasted time.

sometimes at my present job i have to answer phones for IT support issues, and since i work in a military hospital, i get doctors how have some fucked up god complexes. this one asshole complains about how the software is broken, how he is a specialist that has to fly in from another island and is so happy to be paid $75/hr to talk on the phone to me, trying to get a working computer.

once, when i worked for a liqour distributor, i had to talk to 'buyers' and this one guy always told everyone about how he gets an annual power enema or something, because you develop polyps in your ass? complete with drawings of polyps, if you were stupid enough to ask what a polyps was.

Now I know why your avatar has that expression ...

[marina]

I worked at Blockbuster for almost 2 years in college, and I have a few horror stories from that.

My favorite one happened towards the end of my tenure there, but it was so perfect that it pretty much made me immune to every ass-hat that tried to fuck with my calm, customer service demeanor after that.

It was an incredibly hot so-cal night, and this really, abnormally non-plussed teen girl comes up to me and asks for 9/11, which wasn't out on DVD at the time. I told her that, and she indicated that 9/11 wasn't what she was looking for, even though that's what she asked for, as if it was a burden to her to have to articulate her needs beyond the 4 syllables she'd already graced upon my humble hears. I figure that she probably had a school project that she was not excited about and showed her our fairly impressive set of 9/11 and 9/11 related documentaries, asked if she was fine, she made an affirmative sound and I went back to help the growing line of customers.

Long enough later that I had pretty much forgotten about this foray into the conversational skills of the modern American teenager, a very fat, very agitated woman waddled up to my counter to check out, and when I asked her if she found everything alright-as per Blockbuster policy-she replied that she did not, and indicated that she was shocked that I could even dress myself in the morning, judging by how stupid and incompetent I appeared to be. I inquired after her disgruntled-ness, and she yelled that I had failed to help her daughter find the proper 9/11 documentary, and that I was obviously a retarded cunt, because anyone who was not a retarded cunt would have been able to show her inarticulate and sulky child the 9/11 documentaries, as I had not done. Ignorantly, I countered that I had showed her daughter the 9/11 documentaries, and she began yelling louder, asked if I was calling her sweet child a liar (how can the girl be a liar when she's clearly a mute) and created a list of things that were wrong with me, people like me, my clear lack of customer training, as well as the character of the faceless multinational corporation by whom I was employed. At this point, I noticed that, due to the heat, and her current exertions, she was sweating like a basketball player, and as fat drops of sweat rolled down her chins, and jiggled on her neck fat, I noticed that her white t-shit was completely translucent... and she wasn't wearing a bra. I began to smile. I realized that I had maintained my calm while this fat, jellyroll pig was sweaty, yelling and had her large, long, flat chichis, and dirt brown, 3" in diameter nips out on display for the entire world. I was almost laughing when I thanked her for her input, asked if she wanted to see the 9/11 documentaries and thanked her again when she told me to eat shit and die, or threatened to have me fired (from my shitty job I hate? oh no, not that!), or some similar angry customer stand-by.

I will never forget that great fat bitch for teaching me the lesson of a lifetime. If someone is yelling at you, you only look stupid if you yell back, but they look like an absolute retard if you maintain your cool and stand your ground.

Thank you, rolly-polly cunt from Anaheim, Ca with waster daughter and husband so deathly silent he didn't even warrant a mention in this story, your ugly chichis opened my eyes.

[satansprincess]

Originally Posted by marina

Words

That's a beautiful story. I love people like that, who are actually totally oblivious to the fact that they look like a nutcase!

[marina]

Originally Posted by satansprincess

That's a beautiful story. I love people like that, who are actually totally oblivious to the fact that they look like a nutcase!

Yeah, it was pretty much perfect

[Zim]

Right before my first submarine cruise I was helping load missles. The crane we were using jerked suddenly and dropped one of them about 10yrds from me and for the tiny bit of time it took it to come loose and fall I was sure I was dead. Of course, the thing wasn't armed and it turned out to be a trick they played on noobs before every stint at sea. I came very close to screaming like a little girl.

[eel-translator]

Once I wore a new tie to work-- it was sort of a pink-ish lavender and gray striped tie. As I was typing at one of the pods my boss comes around and gives me a compliment.

Him: "That's a nice tie, ***! What color is that, blue and gray?"

Me: "No it's pink and gray."

Him: "Oh!"

Me: "Are you colour blind? "

Him: "No."

Me: ........... D: D: D:

[half a minute of awkward silence]

[Boss walks off]

[campy]

I was one of three educators in a room with 25 toddlers. I think I still have hearing damage from that summer.....But I did teach them all to go "Doh" like Homer Simpson....see, they can be trained hahahaahah

[DWarrior]

My worst jobs were dunkin donuts and shoprite, but no horror stories. Google "stealing from dunkin donuts" and my story comes up first (used to be in top 3 for "dunkin donuts", but not since they began increasing online ad campaigns ):

Working at Dunkin' Donuts@Everything2.com

[Sheepy]

One of my funnier (I tend to have very boring jobs... conversations with friends while at work aside) moments at a job happened while I was still working at Circuit City. My store was one of the few in Colorado that was closing due to Circuit City sucking as a company; so we had a liquidation company come in, buy all of our stock, and then proceed to put that stock on sale. The stipulation to this is that we stopped doing returns at our store. We also had signs all over the entire store saying so, including at the front counter where you buy things.

So one morning I was working and about 30 minutes before the store opened an SUV pulled onto the actual sidewalk in front of the store despite of the little convenient little loading bay we had not 10ft away. All of inside the store kind of laughed and did nothing cause fuck it we were all being fired anyways.

As soon as we opened the store a man dressed in military fatigues and another older man come in carrying about a 40" TV. They take it up to the front counter and my manager went over to the guys and asked how she could help them. The military guy proceeds to say he bought the TV the day before and it didn't work so he'd like to return it. My manager says we can't take it back and they start to get into a little argument. Pretty soon the military guy jumps up onto the counter and starts yelling out to everyone in the store to not buy things from us because we'll rip everyone off or something. After my manager begins yelling he gets down and the guy threatens to call the cops, but my manager does him a favor and calls for him. During this time he is also calling his credit card company while one of our tech guys goes over and plugs the TV in and turns it on.

Eventually the cops get there and escort him out with his TV, and it seems like the store might calm down. Not so though. About thirty minutes later an older man walks in and asks to see a manager. By this time the store manager had gotten in and heard the entire story as well. The guy goes to talk to both the first manager and the store manager off in a corner. Eventually the guy storms out, but not before saying something along the lines of "These guys are going to rip you off" to a couple customers coming into the store.

I come to find out that man was a higher up at the Air Force Academy and suddenly us not taking the TV back had become a military issue. Circuit City apparently hates the Air Force and wants to rip everyone who goes there off. He told my managers that no one who was in his command would ever be shopping at a Circuit City ever again.

I love how some people just think they can bully their way into anything! It doesn't work that way, especially when the people you are trying to bully have nothing left to lose.

[Alexandra]

Well, let's see:

I have burns from my stint as a Mrs. Field's assistant manager.

I've been pissed on and shat upon during my babysitting and nursing home gigs.

I had a woman lose more than half of her blood volume during a home birth that I was supposed to assist at, but the midwife didn't make it ,so I was solo.

I and my husband (and 400 other employees) got laid off due to the company filing for bankruptcy near the end of the tech boom with absolutely no notice. Bad timing since we had just found out that I was pregnant.

I have 10 years of BTB and BTC sales experience (post college) which include numerous stories that go something like this: "I'll sign the contract if you sleep with me, show me your tits, etc and if you don't I'll call your boss and tell him you did anyway." (please, like he'd care)

But I live in a country with running water, both the mother and baby survived and continue to thrive, my husband and I learned never to trust a single employer (if you don't sign your paycheck, don't count on getting one), blackmail always backfires, and chicks dig scars: so no horror stories. Sorry.