52: The Book of Mormon

[Barker]

Well... those two might not end up being your wives. But if you seduce them you seduce them you can have them.

Just keep in mind that even if you don't get those two your reward is endless sex with multiple super model quality wives for all eternity. Oh, and did I mention that you get to be a god? We offer a better benefits package than any other religion.

No limitations on what happens in the bedroom. Whatever happens between a man and his wives is none of God's business.

Just remember that you will have to give up smoking, drinking, and coffee.

Originally Posted by Scumhook

Fucking hell!!! Fuck this atheist shit - religion RULES!!!!

I assume these two nubile missionaries are to be my wives?

And I assume that just because they're missionaries, we're not limited to only that position?

I always knew the entire state of Utah couldn't be wrong.

[Scumhook]

Originally Posted by Barker

Well... those two might not end up being your wives. But if you seduce them you seduce them you can have them.

Just keep in mind that even if you don't get those two your reward is endless sex with multiple super model quality wives for all eternity. Oh, and did I mention that you get to be a god? We offer a better benefits package than any other religion.

No limitations on what happens in the bedroom. Whatever happens between a man and his wives is none of God's business.

Just remember that you will have to give up smoking, drinking, and coffee.

You had me right up until that last sentence.......

But I lol'd @ ur sales pitch. 11/10 - nice job

[Barker]

You sure? You'll never have to worry about whiskey dick. Without smoking you can keep up that endless sex a lot longer. And as for the coffee... well... you get all of the RedBull that you can drink.


I'm glad you enjoyed my sales pitch. You probably couldn't even tell that I was a failure as a Mormon missionary.

Originally Posted by Scumhook

You had me right up until that last sentence.......

But I lol'd @ ur sales pitch. 11/10 - nice job

[Scumhook]

Originally Posted by Barker

You sure? You'll never have to worry about whiskey dick. Without smoking you can keep up that endless sex a lot longer. And as for the coffee... well... you get all of the RedBull that you can drink.


I'm glad you enjoyed my sales pitch. You probably couldn't even tell that I was a failure as a Mormon missionary.

Mate, with that sales pitch, I would have bet on you being missionary of the year.

And naah, I love my booze & coffee (and I hate RedBull unless I'm out on the piss, which kind of defeats the religion) too much to quit it for some tail.

[Barker]

None of my companions wanted to go with that pitch. They all wanted to talk about saving people's souls and helping them improve themselves.

Originally Posted by Scumhook

Mate, with that sales pitch, I would have bet on you being missionary of the year.

And naah, I love my booze & coffee (and I hate RedBull unless I'm out on the piss, which kind of defeats the religion) too much to quit it for some tail.

[Scumhook]

Originally Posted by Barker

None of my companions wanted to go with that pitch. They all wanted to talk about saving people's souls and helping them improve themselves.

lol what sort of bullshit is that????

"All the pussy you can eat, and all the Red Bull you can drink." Now that's a fucking sales pitch.

As opposed to this:

[Barker]

As a current practicing Mormon I would like to add some clarifying points to what was said in this episode.

Stuff he got right:

He got polygamy right.

The Church does have a lot of money. They just built a multi-billion dollar mall.

They are trying to become more mainstream by being more accepting of others.

BYU has a higher than average percentage of students who identify as homo or bi sexual.

Stuff that he got wrong:
Everyone was allowed to join the church before 1978, but thanks to a racist Brigham Young, black people weren't allowed to hold the priesthood.

No chocolate: Not really a rule, just something that the over zealous Mormons come up with.

Joseph Smith: The story is a lot crazier than he made it out to be, he got a lot of the details wrong.

Soda: Not a thing. Once again, just some crazy, over zealous members who belief that.

Garments: He got the doctrine/reasoning wrong. Mormon folk-lore that's not actually doctrine. The whole fire thing is looked on as a bunch of over hyped 80's Mormon folklore. That was a very interesting time when there were a lot of cultural things going on that weren't doctrinal.

Missions: It's two years, you pay your own way, it costs approximately 12k for a mission. They have the "White Handbook" that gives the behavioral guidelines and dress code for missionaries. It used to just be black dress pants and white shirts, but they just barely changed it.

Baptism, both men and women are baptized at age 8, women are not baptized later.