41: The Suffering

[Keith]

Chemda joins Keith for the continuing story of Keith’s separation in what is basically The Studio Part 2.

Share this episode: Twitter, Facebook & email

This entire show is available on KATG VIP along with...

Access to over 2,700 Keith and The Girl in-studio episodes dating back to March 2005.

Constantly updated VIP only podcasts, bonus shows and special offers including:

• Chemda's What's My Name podcast
• Keith's My Name Is Keith podcast
• What Do We Do Now?
• Andrea's WHAT'S UP, A?
• Flavor of the Month
• Bottoms Up with Hennessy
• Myq Kaplan's Super Hang
• That's the Show with Danny!
• The Brother Love Owwwr!
• Myka Fox & Friends
• INTERNment podcast
• All KATGtv episodes
• A look back with KATG Beginnings episodes
• Special discounts and offers

Click here to get more info about KATG VIP!
 

[shoebootie]

Wait a sec, you're taking these tests/evaluations and the answers go straight to her with no kind of results or follow-up? Like she administered these personality tests to you as though you're some sort of subject of an experiment she's running? That is really fucking odd. Just collecting data on you.

[archicat]

I’d like to echo Chemda’s final comments about this being Keith’s view of things. I have my own view of how everything ended up here (but no show ).

A few things to clear up from this episode:

1. I told Michael and Marisela after MNIK episode came out as I did not want them hearing on the show. I work with M&M and I would rather they find out by me saying than through the show. I also told Keith I would be telling them before I did, so he knew ahead of time.

2. On a Skype call with my mum had guessed something was wrong, even after I tried to lie and pretend everything was fine. Once I told her what was going on she had texted Keith shortly after, which didn’t give me a chance to tell him that I’d told her. (Grrr mum)

3. The Instagram thing. This was around 2 weeks after the MNIK episode came out at which point I felt I could tell people in my way. I don’t have a podcast to go into everything in detail so I did it in a silly dumb way because I don't know how to do this (this is my first marriage separation). I should have told Keith before or when I did it, however, I felt that once you put out a show to the public it’s my prerogative on how I let people know.

4. Keith never brought up the personality tests to me after he did them. It wasn’t some sort of torture method, he maybe did 3-4 different ones over the 7+ years we were together and I asked him to do it so I could understand him better. I had no idea he was bothered about not getting a “report” back.

Last note, this has been a rough and sad time for both of us, every story has two sides and we’re doing our best to respect each other through this. I care and love Keith very much and am committed to ensuring we both get through this.

[Sparrow]

it sounds like you're both doing your best together to get out of this as whole as possible. honest to god, at the end of the day, even though a tricky chunk of your relationship is public, it's none of our damn business. you don't have to defend your choices, apologize, or explain yourself. what's important is that you both feel supported and loved by your people while you muddle through.

(on a personal note, i feel like a real dick bag for not reaching out to you sooner, love. i've been in the vicinity of where you are and i didn't want to add to the deluge of question askers and lookie loos. sending love and light from me and Bear)

[Lanfear]

I know there are always two sides to a story and I hope you don't feel like you are painted as the sole blamed party in this.

Sending all the best wishes your way as well Cat, I didn't feel like it would have been appropriate for me to reach out to you but maybe that would have been the nice thing to do. Hugs!

[thirteen]

Originally Posted by shoebootie

Wait a sec, you're taking these tests/evaluations and the answers go straight to her with no kind of results or follow-up? Like she administered these personality tests to you as though you're some sort of subject of an experiment she's running? That is really fucking odd. Just collecting data on you.

I was thinking about that too.

I enjoy analysis like that if there are reputable sources behind it and an evaluation at the end. I'm curious by nature. It doesn't mean I'm going to change much, unless I think it's beneficial to me and the people I care about.

But my partner mentioned to me very early on that she doesn't really believe in that stuff and doesn't care for it, so I never, ever send that type of thing to her. I keep that stuff to myself.

Communication is important though. Each person in the relationships needs to talk about this kind of stuff and tell the other person if it's not their thing, if they find it enjoyable, if they have certain expectations, etc.

[shoebootie]

Originally Posted by Lanfear

I know there are always two sides to a story and I hope you don't feel like you are painted as the sole blamed party in this.

Sending all the best wishes your way as well Cat, I didn't feel like it would have been appropriate for me to reach out to you but maybe that would have been the nice thing to do. Hugs!

You're right, there's two sides, and just because it's KEITH and the girl and MNIK, doesn't mean Cat is a villain, even if we're only hearing Keith's perspective on this and of course having empathy towards what he is struggling with.

It's hard, I've been through a divorce and the narrative around our "why" painted me in a bad light if you only heard my ex's side. It's complex and there's two people with feelings ... you're right for us all to remember that.

"Just because I wanted this doesn't make it easy" is something that has stuck with me, fwiw.