1136: The Waste Monster

[hayroob]

Originally Posted by canadiangirl

I'd like to hear more guys take on this fucking a virgin thing...

I recently had this conversation with one of my best friends. We were talking about a friend of hers who is 26 and a virgin, and has scared off 3 relationships because she is a virgin. We were all under the impression that guys were turned on by that, but apparently we're wrong. This girl is attractive, and was never saving herself except for being in a somewhat serious relationship, and it just hasn't happened for her.

I can totally understand how Keith and Ray were explaining it, the fear of being someone's first and the obsession that might follow...

Do most guys feel this way?

There are a lot of things going on with virgins, especially older virgins.

My GF was a virgin when we started dating, we took it slow, things went pretty well and it wasn't really an issue. This is the best case scenario.

Here are what people expect/fear:
Clingy/ Crazy - Girl decides that you were her first so she needs to be with you forever or she's a whore. These girls usually have parents that have fucked them up and they can't comprehend casual sex.

Pussy Entitlement - "I gave you the gift of my virginity and now you must worship me", etc. Some girls think they are doing you some giant favor by allowing you to have sex with them, and girls who are way to old to be virgins are the worst. Any girl who doesn't think that fucking is good for both people involved isn't doing it right or is doing it with the wrong person.

Incompatiblity - Some people don't have good sex. Not everybody will be compatible and fucking a girl who will want it to be serious because it is her first is pressure. Under normal circumstances, you've been seeing someone for a few weeks or months, you finally decide to have sex and it just doesn't work. You try, experiment, etc, but it just isn't happening, it's totally legitimate to move on. You fuck a girl who's a virgin, it just isn't working, same trying, probably less willingness to experiment with her newness to the experience, and you move on and you're the asshole in a lot of people's eyes.

And these are just a few of the many, many problems dudes think about when girls say I'm 26 and a virgin.

[canadiangirl]

Alright, I definitely get what everyone is saying. And I'm glad that I'm not the one in the situation...
Guess she just needs to stop telling guys that she's a virgin, otherwise she may be one forever.

[hayroob]

Originally Posted by canadiangirl

Alright, I definitely get what everyone is saying. And I'm glad that I'm not the one in the situation...
Guess she just needs to stop telling guys that she's a virgin, otherwise she may be one forever.

Not telling is worse. Then it's like they trapped you. Oh by the way I was a virgin is pretty jarring.

Being honest and just being laid back about the whole thing is way, way better. Avoid making a big deal about it, but don't lie or omit.

[Junkenstein]

Meh. Maybe it's because i'm 31 and i have lost my virginity in a very unspecial way, that i dont see why somebody would reach her 20's and still delay having sex.

When i was in my early twenties, a friend of mine was dating a quite attractive girl, that later became his wife. During a drunken conversation, he told me that he was her "first one". And she was 24 years old.

My reaction was "Yeah, cool. Gimme a beer". My thoughts were "Bullshit". I refused to believe it. She was attractive, looked confident, it made no sense. But apparently she was one of those people who think rthat you have to be with "the one" to loose your virginity.

I still think it's dumb. I've never been with a virgin. I'm not interested in it and if i ever met a girl in her near thirties who told me that, i would think that she's either a liar or a freak. If you're denying yourself an instinctive, pleasurable, fun and experience based act because of some weird issues you have, you're weird.

And i dont want to deal with your issues. Find yourself some other training wheels.

[better dylan]

Originally Posted by Not You

How the fuck is this poll so tight. Going to the barber to shave your head is like paying Martha Stewart to change your toliet paper roll.

Because it's seven dollars a month. big deal

[Bucho]

The idea of sleeping with a virgin holds zero allure for me, they're nothing but trouble from all sides.

I think I've been shaving my head and face with the clippers for maybe 7 or 8 years now, just a number one over the whole lot. Haven't spent a cent on razors, foam, shampoo, after shave, hair gel, barbers, any of that faggy bullshit you meterosexual babies use. The only grooming products I spend any money on at all are shower soap and body spray. What do you think I am, a filthy hippy?

Plus, you hand over $7 to the barber but you spend an hour and a half travelling there and back and sitting in the chair. That's an hour and a half of your time, which is worth what? $60? $100? It takes me 15 minutes to buzz down, then I can either spend more time either being productive or with my hand down my pants, whatever the fuck I want to do while some dude isn't messing around with my head.

Then again, anything that gets Keith out of the house is a good thing. Hearing him yelling about the Dali Lama for not knowing about the world the other day was so ironic it hurt me.

Originally Posted by smcn

I fucking bombed. See you next year, maybe I'll actually be funny.

Scooter killed me with the "drunk voice". He's got my vote.

Scooter was magical but I didn't think you were that bad dude, certainly not the worst. I mean, the ocean analogy seemed like a bad move that was always going to shut Chemda down, but at least I got your first joke just fine and didn't understand why they didn't in the studio. I liked how you gave the pronunciation guide for your name at the end of the email instead of the start too. There were many, many submissions that were painfully worse bombs than yours. I mean, you have a good voice at least, some of those other fuckers can't even talk. They make Keith and his quirks sound like Morgan Freeman.

[Thumbnail]

Unless someone truly incredible comes along, Mr. Scooter has my vote. Like Jeremy, I really want to know how far he takes this.

[invader]

Hey, about my submission that was played, I just wanted to say, that my "Pineapple Juice" joke isn't stolen it was just a resubmission from last year. They played it on the air, and it got just about the same number of laughs. Also my voice sounds different each time because, each part was recorded at different times with different recording methods. Each time a joke pops into my head I try to record it as soon as possible with whatever recording device I have handy, be it iPhone, cheap headset and mic, or the microphone that comes packed in with rockband.

Anyway I just wanted to clear that up, I maybe unfunny but I'm not a theif... Not a joke theif at anyway.

[Ahh5huLee]

Originally Posted by gumby013

Mr Scooter has my vote so far. I wanna see how far he will take this retarded shtick.

I'm thinking he might be retarded.... and in a scooter because his body is the retarded part and he is just a funny fuck in a prison of a body.

[smcn]

Originally Posted by Bucho

Scooter was magical but I didn't think you were that bad dude, certainly not the worst.

Thanks man. I guess it just seems worse when it's your own submission.