1136: The Waste Monster

[invader]

Originally Posted by DWarrior

The pet guy about lonely goldfish submitted the exact clip last year.

Yeah that was me. It seems that each year I have one joke that does really well and everything else bombs. So this year I made a "best of" the past two years with a new joke added. But they cut me off before I got to the new stuff.

I like how they remember the joke but not the voice, especially since they always shit on my voice.

I'll resubmit tonight after work, with all new material!

[eurotrash karlos]

Originally Posted by better dylan

Because it's seven dollars a month. big deal

Hair cutting > c-o-r-r-e-c-t

I used to do my own, number 1 setting with a trimmer, then I realised it's just being a cheap fuck and sad; so now I go to an old fashioned British barbers (proper pole outside etc), spend £6 ($9) and talk shite with the old guys in there & have a laugh ......

Virgins > my 2nd wife was a virgin when I first met her, she was 17, I was 29, she was fine, I was more concerned than she was for her 1st time, I was keen to make sure I didn't put her off for life! after a few weeks of full on bare bum boxing she was quite the expert.

[Blitzgal]

Originally Posted by eurotrash karlos

after a few weeks of full on bare bum boxing she was quite the expert.

"Bare bum boxing" makes it sound like you're just slapping your asses together.

[Todd]

I think Mr. Scooter actually is retarded: pigmentally retarded. But he is the best pigmentally challenged.

[BrianAlt]

One day I was out with a friend walking in the city. He had just shaved his head that morning. When I turned and looked at him he had what looked like a sideburn, but on the WRONG side of the ear! I told him about it. He was surprised. Says he doesn't usually "miss".

He still does it himself and I don't blame him.

We were in Vegas for his 40th birthday. I treated him to a shave of his head and beard at one of those fancy shaving places as a birthday present. He said it was the first time he had anyone shave it for him. He liked it, but he'll continue to feed the pig.

[Kerplunk]

Did anyone notice that the "other Becky" that was on Roseanne for one season is the chick from "Scrubs"? Wait, come to think of it, does anyone care?

[fallingwindows]

I will never willingly watch wrestling but I think Keith's play-by-play updates of the fights are my some of my most favorite segments.

[dark_lobo]

Originally Posted by invader

Hey, about my submission that was played, I just wanted to say, that my "Pineapple Juice" joke isn't stolen it was just a resubmission from last year. They played it on the air, and it got just about the same number of laughs. Also my voice sounds different each time because, each part was recorded at different times with different recording methods. Each time a joke pops into my head I try to record it as soon as possible with whatever recording device I have handy, be it iPhone, cheap headset and mic, or the microphone that comes packed in with rockband.

Anyway I just wanted to clear that up, I maybe unfunny but I'm not a theif... Not a joke theif at anyway.

but why would you submit the exact same jokes? did you even record them again? odds are that if you bombed last year with those jokes, this year you'd bomb as well. You confuse me, sir (though I love the goldfish joke)

[DrunkenButterfly]

Mr. Scooter had my vote last year, and he still does this year. I was laughing while taking the subway and people were staring; that's worth my vote.

[Dee]

Here you go, Keith. An explanation on why crappy food is cheaper than healthier food:

Why a Big Mac Costs Less than a Salad - Economix Blog - NYTimes.com

The chart was put together by the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, but its figures still, alas, look quite relevant. Thanks to lobbying, Congress chooses to subsidize foods that we’re supposed to eat less of.

Of course, there are surely other reasons why burgers are cheaper than salads. These might include production costs, since harvesting apples is probably more naturally seasonal than slaughtering cows (even though both are in demand year-round). Transportation and storage costs might also play a role, as it’s probably easier to keep ground beef fresh and edible for extended periods of time, by freezing it, than cucumbers.

Whatever the cause of the pricing change, there is little doubt that many healthful foods have gotten much more expensive relative to unhealthful ones. David Leonhardt showed this in another remarkable chart, published here last year, that displays how the prices of different food groups have changed relative to their pricing 30 years ago: