1467: Pray No More

[Keith]

"I saved your life? Well stop wasting mine."


Official Site of Comedian Myq Kaplan

[stabbyhappy]

Ive never had your symptoms from heavy drinking, but I have had them from anxiety over a girl. After doing an EKG on myself at work some minor heart damage was found.

Your advice to yourself is the best anyone will give you. Slow down the drinking and chill out. If the anxiety keeps going strong you can see a general practitioner and he will prescribe some mild, short term antianxiety meds. If you ask about your heart he will ask you if you want to see a cardiologist. If you see a cardiologist he will run some tests, stress tests, ecgs, etc, and tell you to slow down the drinking and chill out because its effecting your heart.

If it keeps happening or gets worse go see a general practioner. It might save your life. You wont get shooed away or have your chest cracked open. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle. A lot of people may be saying they have had these symptoms while they are drunk, but most people in America die from a heart condition.

Good luck Keith. Its clear you really love this girl, so find something that takes your mind off of the fact that she is gone for a while besides beer. Find something she will be proud of you for when she gets back.

[Steampunk_Heiress]

Keith, honestly it sounds like you were having a panic attack, less than a heart attack. As someone who has a service dog due to my panic attacks what you are describing sounds exactly what I go through when attacks come on. But what the hell do I know I'm not a doctor.

[energee]

I started having problems like this in my junior year of college. Every time that I drank heavily, I would have difficulty breathing, usually mild, but a couple times pretty severely so. It would typically last through the night, and into the next morning. I went to the doctor and got a chest X-ray, had some tests run, got my blood pressure, etc. and they found nothing wrong. My doctor had heard of this kind of thing before being related to acid-reflux disease types of symptoms, which alcohol can make worse, so he prescribed omeprazole for me (the generic form of Prilosec). Ever since I've been taking it, I haven't had a problem with drinking--when I stop taking it, the symptoms come back. I think Keith has talked before about having acid-reflux kinds of things, right? So maybe this could be related.

[Vampire Lizard]

I do wonder how the prayer at the beginning of the show affects new listeners. Very first episode I ever listened to was an excerpt taken from the 74 hour podcast so it wasn't until like a week later I heard it and by then I figured out it was some sort of joke.

Lol sounds stupid but for when I listen to backlogs I almost feel like there is two Keith and the Girl podcast. KATG version 1 is the beginning of the show up until 2009. You hear many stories of clowning, Keith and Chemda are together, and a lot of the reoccurring guests were friends and fans such as Spooky and Matt. Now we are in the sleek 2.0 version of KATG where the show is the income, Keith and Chemda are living their own separate lives, and most of the guests are professional comedians. Things have changed so much in 6 years and I feel that many people like the prayer (wasn't there a poll on this last year?) because it reminds us that though a lot has changed it's still KATG.

Also on the subject of the software company that hires people with autism I don't think it's that unheard of. My sister and a lot of other mental handicapped people in this town all work at a factory where they work for minimum wage for various companies that have certain things done here. I had to go on a tour and from what I saw the major derp derps do physical labor like linking chains and such while the asburger people like my sister get helicopter parts ready to get sent out.

[DreaNicole]

Personally, I found the show by hunting for new podcasts to subscribe to categorically. So I knew it was a comedy show. When I heard the prayer at the beginning, I almost turned it off. I thought maybe it was a wholesome comedy show. Or jewish comedy. Luckily, I got distracted, and kept listening. In my opinion, I would vote off the prayer because it almost turned me off the show. But if you did include it, at the end might be a better choice.

LOVE the show! So glad I found it.

[WittyReference]

The prayer put me off at first but I heard a funny enough episode early on to get past it (Keith reviewing an old movie, maybe West Side Story?). It wasn't till something like 100 podcasts in that I heard you both say you weren't religious, and Keith references God so much that I did think it was serious for a while. Having the guest say something first up is a good idea but I do prefer the rare occasions when it is something more blatantly funny/ silly instead of a prayer.
It did sound good today saying La Heim at the end too though.

For the amount I've drunk over the years I've come up all right and I put it down to how much water I drink. I drink 2 coffees in the morning, 2-3 litres of water during the day, wine or beer after dinner and then at least a litre of water before bed to help dilute the alcohol. I almost never drink anything else. I often have to pee but its worth it.

[BigJim50]

I'll try to be brief. A few things to touch on...

As an old-school listener, I've always loved the prayer. It's a great way to open the show, and having the guest read it always is a bonus. You get a little sneak peak as to who is on the show before it's announced and its irony never is lost on people who know the story behind the prayer. It's sort of a link to KATG's beginnings.

If coming up with a new prayer each day is getting too much, you can get them from where they originated, the Daily American in Somerset, Pa., each day online at Nuseum - Today's Front Pages. Just scroll down to the Pennsylvania papers and the Daily American is listed there. You get to see the entire front page for free.

If you decide the prayer has to go, I get it. But I hate to see it disappear. I pray it stays. If it becomes a thing of the past, I'll always be honored to have said the last prayer at a KATG live show... even if it wasn't caught on video.

Secondly, yes, I lost 95 pounds, and as Chemda said, I am looking very "handsome." As much as I would have loved there to be some cool, crazy story how I shed the weight, there really isn't. No coke. No meth. No drugs at all. Just eating better and working out. Get committed and do it, fat fucks and people from Philadelphia.

I'm glad I don't have a watermelon head. I had to get a new picture for my mug in the newpaper because I look so different. And when I get IDed at the store for beer, I always get second looks because my driver's license picture is like 5 years old.

One last thing, if you haven't heard the Washington, D.C., show, it's super worth a few bucks. Some really great stories in there. One of the best KATG live shows there is.

[PsychoLoco]

PRAYER

I think you should leave it in just to save my ass. When I accidentally have my speaker on and the “Hey all you Assholes…” blasts out, I know that I can just leave it on for about 3 more seconds and then a “Dear Lord…” will start and then I can turn it off. People will question the asshole part, but they are sure they heard the prayer.

DRINKING = HEART ATTACK

I answered yes to the poll question. I’m living in Ukraine and, before you, Keith Malley and others, jump to the uni-brow chicks-with-dicks conclusion that is coming, let me share an observation on hot Ukrainian women: not Mila Kunis, not Milla Jovovich, but my Ukrainian wife, the mother of my 3 kids, having fun this summer at a topless beach.



Here in Ukraine, probably the same as in New York, the airport is the equivalent of the cantina scene in Star Wars. You don’t look for help from them; you get the hell out of there ASAP. I’m not surprised about what happened to Keith in Kiev. He got recommended a hotel by an employee that was getting a kickback and then got handed over to a rogue taxi and driven to someone’s house that had a few extra rooms built on to it.

Anyway, drinking is taken rather seriously here. Lots of rules for drinking – standing, greeting, singing, similar to Catholic services. Several times after drinking the almost obligatory 15-20 shots of vodka or cognac at a dinner party, I’ve woken up in the early morning by my heart about to jump out of my chest. It beats so hard I feel like it’s going to explode, it once gave me a nosebleed. It is often accompanied by aches, pains, and shortness of breath. I always associated it with a hangover. Until you mentioned dehydration, I never realized that the same cardio activity should have been accompanied with sweating, but it never was.

Thank you, Dr. Malley, for conducting this vital research.

COFFEE RESEARCH BS

Regarding the coffee research, you can just throw those conclusions out the window. The problem with a lot of research is they just draw conclusions from relationships that may be coincidence, not from practical review of the materials. Your alcohol > dehydration > heart attack symptoms is a logical progression. You see people cite stuff like the coffee and have too many questions. Are you drinking good coffee? Are you so upset that you can’t afford more than 2 cups a day of the $5/cup coffee that it’s pissing you off? Did the researchers have access to people who were drinking 10 cups a day? Probably not because those people were too damn busy and productive to participate in a coffee-drinking survey. I saw a study from the UK about how the consumption of fast food was linked to depression. The way it was presented was that people who ate fast food were more likely to be depressed because studies of diet and depression showed relationships between the two. The logic behind the study is just the opposite and the conclusion should have been: Sad meat-sacks that can’t develop relationships or earn decent money at a normal job are more likely to be depressed AND eat cheap fast food. Of course you’re going to be happier if you eat home-cooked meals. Either you have the free time to make it yourself (ie – you’re not working 2 jobs to make rent) or there is someone else who cares enough about you to take the time to make you dinner.

[word]

Keep the prayer its has the same sentiment as the praying before a performance. Its a part of the show thats has work for 1467 shows keep it going.