1595: Now We're Cooking

[Rufio]

Robots can't have relationships

[Junkenstein]

seriously, if theres anyone still now knowinf the deep blue sea sLJ thing, they deserve the spiler. its like ntoi knowing the twist to the sixth sense at this point.

[myq]

Originally Posted by codefendant

She feels how she feels and isn't going to change. While that's not your "fault", you're setting both of you up for a sad situation. Even though she says shes ok with it, anything you do with a stranger is going to break her heart. And I think you know that. So, the fact that you're honest doesn't really absolve you from responsibility. She doesn't want to lose you so she's "compromising". But really shes hoping you'll have a "lightbulb" moment when you fall madly in love with her and change your entire worldview on relationships. You're both overly optimistic and your "girlfriend" is going to get hurt and you're probably going to feel shitty about it because you seem like a robot with a heart.

Best of luck
-Marc

I know that I could end this relationship now.

During our conversation this weekend, up until the end, it really seemed like we were going to break up, because it seemed like that would be for the best. The thought of that made her sad, sad enough that she is indeed willing to try something that is not exactly what she wants.

Here are some additional factors that I think are cause for more optimism... (and I'm not saying that we're both going to be perfectly happy, but I do believe there is cause to believe that we will both be happier staying together longer than not) ...

1. The main thing that she doesn't like about the idea of me seeing other people is the anxiety she has felt and believes she would feel, because of not knowing whether I am doing something with someone else. Constant anxiety is no way to live, and my agreement to tell her if and when something happens seems to be enough for her to be able to avoid feeling that way. We'll see what happens when something actually does happen, but for now, we're racking up happiness. I know some future sadness could come and cancel out some of that happiness, but the hope (which I think is reasonable) is that the good will outweigh the bad. If she decides otherwise, she can and will say so, and I will make sure to find out.

2. Earlier on, when we were not specifically defining our relationship (but very into each nother), I went on a date with someone else. I didn't say I was going on a date but I told her I went bowling, and she figured that most bowling outings are dates, and asked me if it was a little ways down the line, and I told her it was. She said she figured, and that she was a little sad to think about that, but it wasn't overwhelming, and we continued to see each other, care about each other more, and be happy, despite that incidence of her having been caused some sadness.

She's not a broken person going into this blind. She knows what is likely to make her happy and sad, and she is allowed to make that decision for herself as an intelligent adult. She also knows that I'm not changing my mind. That's what this whole conversation was about. She knows we're probably not going to be together forever, but the thought of not being with me now makes her even sadder than her imagination of how she'll feel to learn that I've been with someone else. And I'm respecting that. And if it happens, and she decides she feels otherwise, we'll take it from there.

You might think you know what's best for her or me, and I'm not saying I know how she will react, but I do have a lot more information about her than you do. She's strong and smart and self-aware. And I do think it would be paternalistic and over-stepping to tell her that she doesn't know what's best for herself.

I'm a fan of erring on the side of letting someone make up their own mind about their own life, provided they have all the relevant information.

But I do appreciate your caring. Sincerely.

[BrianAlt]

Originally Posted by myq

You might think you know what's best for her or me, and I'm not saying I know how she will react, but I do have a lot more information about her than you do. She's strong and smart and self-aware. And I do think it would be paternalistic and over-stepping to tell her that she doesn't know what's best for herself.

This kind of thing happens a lot. People say this is how it is, or this won't work because... Sure, we don't know all and we can't know all. All we can react on is what we've been given so far and our own personal experiences.

So, based on what you've told us, she just doesn't sound all that comfortable with what is going on. And from experience, that's the beginning of the end. But that can change, just like one day you might decide that you will stick to being with one person exclusively. As she lives it, she might realize that she's more comfortable with the arrangement than she thought she'd be. Or not.

[myq]

Originally Posted by BrianAlt

So, based on what you've told us, she just doesn't sound all that comfortable with what is going on....
As she lives it, she might realize that she's more comfortable with the arrangement than she thought she'd be. Or not.

Yes.
Or no.

I wouldn't say she's not comfortable.
It might just be semantics, but I'm not comfortable with the word "comfortable" there.
Yes, the situation is not her ideal, but neither is us not being together at all. And it's her choice to make. She chose between two non-ideal situations. Which is what we all do.

[mrthewhite]

I have to completely agree with Keith about the alarm issue. I get really annoyed when I hear the alarm once, I can't hear it over and over using the snooze button.

As soon as the alarm goes off I have to get up.

[WittyReference]

Is it mainly a female thing with the snooze button because every women I know loves hitting that thing? My girlfriend gets up 3 hours before me and still wants to hit snooze 2-5 times even though it will wake me up. I moved the clock radio to the other side of the room at one point and I would catch her running to it, hitting snooze then looking at me to see if I'm awake or not.

[lizsquiz]

Keith, please don't put yogurt or milk in your eye if you get chilli in there. I was joking.

Or, DO put it in there, and be a science pioneer! It might work.

[myq]

PS just spoke with girlfriend, who listened to the episode and enjoyed it.

She said she thought it was sweet that Keith was concerned about her. I told her there were some commenters who felt similarly, and she said it's very nice of them all. I told her I would pass along her appreciation.

And now I have done it!

Boom! Nice'd!

[lizzy1e]

Now I'm all curious about Chemda's shrimp recipe. KATG cookbook? It could include the 'Keith Malley Experience' sammich and microwaved bacon.