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Old 09-24-2015, 11:22 PM   #1 (permalink)
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2250: Unplanned Parenthood

with Daisy Eagan Youngest female Tony winner; negotiating with repair people; KATG in LA; #ShoutYourAbortion; Pope Francis in NYC; Yogi Berra dies; James Bond songs and school nightmares

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Old 09-25-2015, 12:02 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Nobody Does It Better from The Spy Who Loved Me!

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Old 09-25-2015, 06:46 AM   #3 (permalink)
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For a long time, I am convinced of lesbianism. - Read further for many more quotes

I laughed at all the Yogi Berra quotes Keith prepared. I’m a baseball fan and loved Berra’s persona. A lot of people thought it was an act so that he wouldn’t be taken seriously by opponents, but this was an all-time great baseball player with a record 10 world championships in a 19-year career. He had to call games for 15 pitchers against 9-18 batters per game and have a strategy to get them all out. Obviously he was the best in the world more than half the time. We also have to assume he took decades of foul-balls to the dome and bone-rattling collisions at home plate over the course of his career.

However, when it comes to sportsmen making you do a double-take and ask WTF, Vitali Klitschko, the Mayor of Kyiv and former heavyweight boxing champion “known for his powerful punches and durable chin” (i.e. he consistently sustained blunt force trauma to the head over decades), will require Yogi to one day take a back seat.

Here are some of Klitschko’s gems. Please keep in mind I understand Russian and Ukrainian, but I’m not a translator. Still, even I laugh when I read these.

“Why hit what can’t be avoided?”

“Vladimir Klitschko is like a brother to me.”

“Tomorrow, today will already be yesterday.”

“With the help of doors, we can walk through walls.”

“December 1st is the first day of Earth.” (The Russian word for winter and earth are similar.)

“The places I haven’t been, you know. I was there, where you know.”

“You can’t say anything but words.”

"I want to note that I have met with many police officers who died, with citizens and demonstrators who were killed, and they were all asking me the same questions."

“Today, into tomorrow, we all can't see the future. Instead of everyone being able to see the future, only a few people can do it at all.”

“I’ve lived in Germany, and there have never been any great patriotic wars there.”

“The time of day shows the passing of time.”

"We will be able to provide hot water. To turn cold water into hot water, it must be heated. Clearly. This requires gas to burn. The state of our gas supply... We look forward to when we will have gas. We have no gas."

"In the Odessa region is a city, 50 kilometers away – not far away. You know, distance is not measured in kilometers. Two hours ... 50 kilometers takes two hours to travel."

"I have to admit ... For a long time, many years, I am convinced of lesbianism."

"If a man dresses in an SS uniform, then he painted himself in the colors in which he painted himself."

"It is necessary that all of Ukraine stands up. A universal work stoppage. We must all work to start the stoppage."

"Keep it simple and speak in plain language. Because so many politicians try to speak on such terms and so cleverly that people will listen to them an hour and then not be able to recount absolutely anything."

“Sometimes you skip tomorrow, but not today.”

“I didn’t go to the Cabinet of Ministers offices, didn’t see it, I passed by and looked at it, it’s not important to me.”

“My favorite time of day is 0:00, because it’s already not today, but it’s still not tomorrow.”

“Before no one knew what Donald Duck was saying. Now they are trying to figure out what I’m saying.”

“If a brick floats, it’s as wooden as glass.”
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Old 09-25-2015, 07:04 AM   #4 (permalink)
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gggaaAAAWWWDDDD!!! baseball is so boring; even the good parts. Bear heard Yogi Berra's name float across the room while i was watching live, his ears pricked up, and i got a similar 20 minute history lesson. STAAAAHHHPPP
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Old 09-25-2015, 07:18 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I agree that the pope isn't as awesome and accepting as everyone thinks but he is trying to inflict positive change about thoughts on financial and global warming issues which are major problems this country needs to fix. So he's not the worst. And just FYI Chemda we have weekends because Union laborers fought for that right it really doesn't have to do with religion.
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Old 09-25-2015, 07:49 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
gggaaAAAWWWDDDD!!! baseball is so boring; even the good parts. Bear heard Yogi Berra's name float across the room while i was watching live, his ears pricked up, and i got a similar 20 minute history lesson. STAAAAHHHPPP
You've probably heard this 1,000 times from baseball fans, but you have to have played baseball to understand why a professional baseball game looks like nothing is happening for stretches of time. Here's a 1-paragraph history lesson.

/START

You have a catcher taking a few seconds to call a pitch, then the pitcher has to agree on the pitch (can take several tries). The 2nd-baseman and shortstop, who are the only ones besides the pitcher that can actually see the catcher's fingers, have to understand the pitch call and set up their defense where they expect the ball to be hit based on the batter's side (right/left) and the expected pitch location (inside/out) because statistically it will determine where the ball is hit on the field, and the type of pitch can determine whether a batter will hit it on the ground or in the air. These two then have to relay the pitch call to the 3rd and 1st basemen and all three outfielders so they can set up their defense as well. All of this is the reason it takes 60-90 seconds between pitches. What makes it look boring is because they cannot show on a broadcast the signals from the catcher. They will only show the batter taking his practice swings, the pitcher shaking his head or nodding, or a runner taking a lead off of a base. If they did show all the catcher's signs, there would be a Bill Belichick of Major League Baseball that would be yelling the expected pitch call to his batter because he can see it live on TV. A lot of fights start because a runner on second will start signaling the pitch call to a batter.

/STOP

How long did that take to read?
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Old 09-25-2015, 08:34 AM   #7 (permalink)
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literally forever. the old world has already passed away and i am in a new heaven on a new earth with my new body and my new name and i'm STILL FUCKING BORED.
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Old 09-25-2015, 10:09 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I'm so glad Chemda corrected Keith using "skewer" when he means "skew". That has bothered me for ages. You never really realize how often specific words get used until you keep hearing them being used incorrectly.
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Old 09-25-2015, 10:10 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PsychoLoco View Post
You've probably heard this 1,000 times from baseball fans, but you have to have played baseball to understand why a professional baseball game looks like nothing is happening for stretches of time. Here's a 1-paragraph history lesson.

/START

You have a catcher taking a few seconds to call a pitch, then the pitcher has to agree on the pitch (can take several tries). The 2nd-baseman and shortstop, who are the only ones besides the pitcher that can actually see the catcher's fingers, have to understand the pitch call and set up their defense where they expect the ball to be hit based on the batter's side (right/left) and the expected pitch location (inside/out) because statistically it will determine where the ball is hit on the field, and the type of pitch can determine whether a batter will hit it on the ground or in the air. These two then have to relay the pitch call to the 3rd and 1st basemen and all three outfielders so they can set up their defense as well. All of this is the reason it takes 60-90 seconds between pitches. What makes it look boring is because they cannot show on a broadcast the signals from the catcher. They will only show the batter taking his practice swings, the pitcher shaking his head or nodding, or a runner taking a lead off of a base. If they did show all the catcher's signs, there would be a Bill Belichick of Major League Baseball that would be yelling the expected pitch call to his batter because he can see it live on TV. A lot of fights start because a runner on second will start signaling the pitch call to a batter.

/STOP

How long did that take to read?
Not long at all, because I saw the word "baseball" and immediately scrolled past it.
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Old 09-25-2015, 02:18 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Yes, the pope did say "who am I to Judge?" He's also been quoted saying stuff more recently about how homosexual parents shouldn't raise children and that the legalization of gay marriage is part of a war on god.
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