2575: Cheetos, Doritos, Mojitos, Burritos

[The Girl]

Originally Posted by jbliss

So you're in the "there's nothing to be taught about risk-mitigation before an assault happens" camp?

We're saying that we do prevent and it still happens so stop telling us to prevent when we say we're being raped.


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[jbliss]

Originally Posted by The Girl

We're saying that we do prevent

Again, this has been my point. On the show, it sounded like you were saying, "there's nothing you can do to risk-mitigate so why bother."

[flerchin]

Originally Posted by jbliss

So you're in the "there's nothing to be taught about risk-mitigation before an assault happens" camp?

There's a half dozen thoughtful women here who are trying to educate you and you're willfully ignoring it.

Risk prevention is castrating assholes like you who slutshame rape victims. Go fuck yourself you ignorant fuck.

[jbliss]

Originally Posted by flerchin

There's a half dozen thoughtful women here who are trying to educate you and you're willfully ignoring it.

Risk prevention is castrating assholes like you who slutshame rape victims. Go fuck yourself you ignorant fuck.

Helpful ad hominem. Who's slut-shaming? What will you teach your daughter about risk-mitigation? Anything?

[jbliss]

Originally Posted by Apia

I will tell my daughter not to get black out drunk, and when she meets someone new, to meet him at first in public, not at home.
This might reduce her risk to be raped about 20%. Still 80 % to go, and it's not on her.

Yay! It only took 9 pages worth of posts but we agree! :-) I think I'll teach my daughter much the same thing.

[Mermaid]

Both sides had good and bad points and I feel like they agreed on the basics of self-preservation AND teaching people not to rape. Just not on the when to bring up the self-defense part.

Obviously it is always a good time to talk about people not raping.

Is there ever a good time to talk self-defense and safety against rape as adults? The subject is so personal that it feels like no matter what it will be volatile.

It just feels too dismissive to never talk about precautions.

We know:

• humans are terrible to each other
• the solution is to convince humans to be less terrible to each other
• when a human is terrible to you that it is not because of anything you did
• there is no fool-proof self-defense mechanism
• humans are often terrible out of convenience
• we should work toward people respecting each other
• it isn't going to happen overnight
• rape victims can be triggered by conversations about self-defense

With that said, is it wrong to discuss making yourself less convenient (even though we know its not fool-proof)? Or is it patronizing?

idk. It doesn't seem like the guest was a typical victim-blamer. Just sounds like she was amazed a middle aged person was open to letting a stranger live with her. We can try to rationalize it but in the end it is an odd decision- vetting roommates and tenants is the norm. And we can say that, without implying that she deserved what happened and without relieving the rapist of sole responsibility.

[Disclaimer] All this is said as a multiple time survivor, ranging from age 4 to 20. So the randomness, emotion and mental stress of sexual assault is not lost on me.

[jbliss]

Originally Posted by Mermaid

Is it wrong to discuss making yourself less convenient (even though we know its not fool-proof)?

Not wrong. Especially for our daughters.

The only time this is wrong is after an assault. "Here's what you could have done to make yourself less convenient," is victim-blaming.

But before an assault, not wrong.

[memecherry]

What do we tell little boys & girls so they can prevent a family member or a person of power in their life (clergy, teacher,etc) from assaulting them sexually?

the main thing I felt when it happened to ME was shame, like I did something wrong... Any attitudes towards victims we could change that might make room for victims to not feel like they are to blame?

[jbliss]

Originally Posted by memecherry

What do we tell little boys & girls so they can prevent a family member or a person of power in their life (clergy, teacher,etc) from assaulting them sexually?

For examples:

https://www.rainn.org/articles/how-c...sexual-assault

To Prevent Sexual Assault, Schools And Parents Start Lessons Early : NPR

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/a...garten/360485/

[memecherry]

Originally Posted by jbliss

For examples:

https://www.rainn.org/articles/how-c...sexual-assault

To Prevent Sexual Assault, Schools And Parents Start Lessons Early : NPR

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/a...garten/360485/

You responded to only half my point, but kudos for links...