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View Poll Results: Is 2018 Your Year?
Yes 16 55.17%
No 13 44.83%
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Old 01-03-2018, 08:26 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Apia View Post
Sorry for being nice.
Loosing a job sucks but it hasn't happened and a new job can be fun. You are smart. Look how many stupid people who can't even write have jobs. You can write and articulate. Yay!
You have a family that's good. What kind of therapy is it?
I didn't mean to be negative about how you and Chemda responded. If it honestly came across that way I'm sorry. You are both very nice and I did like what you two both wrote.

ABA therapy, he's autistic and it helps him focus and relate better. It has really been remarkable how much it has helped him. It is about 150k a year and without health insurance it would not be something we could do. We just started working on feelings, he seems to think he should always be happy. So when he is sad or angry he doesn't want to deal with it and tries to laugh and seem happy. You can't get an answer about what is wrong because he can't admit he is not happy. He has also taught himself to play the piano by simply watching his cousins play. He loves it and really is good for a 7 year old. Trying to get a piano teacher who can work in a non traditional way that he needs is not easy.

He's the best.
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Old 01-03-2018, 08:36 AM   #22 (permalink)
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i have no intention to motivate you or be positive about your situation. i'll just sit with you in the corner and commiserate a little.

last year kicked off with getting married (YAY!) aaaaaand immediately losing our savings in a business thing that didn't work out. i put my career on hold so the hubs could try some things and figure out what he wanted (he did), which actually came at an opportune time b/c my creative impulses dried up and i haven't done anything worth a goddamn in a good while. i'm in this weird nebulous limbo where i'm doing shit all but treading water and feeling stagnant while everyone else is moving forward with their plans all laid out like a yellow damn brick road. i have zero idea what's in front of me, but i'm just gonna keep walking into it. b/c that's how time works and i don't have a choice. so, ya know, you're not alone in not knowing how it's gonna come together if at all or feeling like garbage about that. i'm scared, too.
Thank you for sharing, it does help to see someone is having similar feelings. I hope you pull out and find your muse soon. I really relate to the keep moving forward, I feel like the next day is coming and I need to be ready. I know things will get better, they might get worse first but better is also on the horizon. I need to keep my eyes on whats coming and keep working on what I have in front of me.

Thank you all for sharing and helping and just being awesome. You all have me crying at work now so I'm out for bit.

by the way ABA=Applied behavior analysis
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Old 01-03-2018, 09:50 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Old 01-03-2018, 10:40 AM   #24 (permalink)
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I didn't mean to be negative about how you and Chemda responded. If it honestly came across that way I'm sorry. You are both very nice and I did like what you two both wrote.

ABA therapy, he's autistic and it helps him focus and relate better. It has really been remarkable how much it has helped him. It is about 150k a year and without health insurance it would not be something we could do. We just started working on feelings, he seems to think he should always be happy. So when he is sad or angry he doesn't want to deal with it and tries to laugh and seem happy. You can't get an answer about what is wrong because he can't admit he is not happy. He has also taught himself to play the piano by simply watching his cousins play. He loves it and really is good for a 7 year old. Trying to get a piano teacher who can work in a non traditional way that he needs is not easy.

He's the best.
You will find a way. Even without a job. You will have time to read about autism and what you can do with less money, it's not this expensive therapy or nothing . I hope you don't have to but you will find a way to help your son even with no job.
And by worring now you take away from all the great worring you can do then. And I know you can find a new thing to worry about. Don't.
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Old 01-03-2018, 11:39 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Scorpion,

I also had trouble with saying bad things. Itís as if I was disappointing people with my feelings.
Negative feelings seem like they evoke scary responses from people.
Even when we play high/low itís hard to say the low. It feels like a bummer. So, we added ďlesson and gratefulĒ. We say what we learned from the low and then say what we were most grateful for that day.

Feels are tough. You sound like you guys are doing awesome. There is clearly a lot of love in your home.


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Old 01-03-2018, 11:44 AM   #26 (permalink)
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But it's true, people can't deal with someone who feels bad. I had a miscariage before kid 2. It was early and I wasn't devastated but I was sad. " you will get pregnant soon, for sure, everything happens for a reason...." was what people said. I just wanted to be sad for a few days.
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Old 01-03-2018, 09:51 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Negative feelings seem like they evoke scary responses from people.
It me. I am the people.

Mostly because I have no idea how to relate or respond. My default is the opposite.
So I feel like anything I say will be annoying and unhelpful to a person going through those negative thoughts.
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Old 01-04-2018, 04:42 PM   #28 (permalink)
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It me. I am the people.



Mostly because I have no idea how to relate or respond. My default is the opposite.

So I feel like anything I say will be annoying and unhelpful to a person going through those negative thoughts.


So many people do. People freeze and ask their kids not to talk about their uncle touching them because they donít know how to console them. Unfortunately, feelings are terrifying to people.
I love them. But I had to learn. My parents hated feelings so I was embarrassed to have any for a long time.
I would stare if someone was telling me about something sad. Or sometimes I would cry along with them but thatís not helpful either.
I learned that nothing is the end of the world. Even death. People go through things. I found it best to empathize without making about me and to express love and availability.
Most of the time no one can really help. Itís the collective. We are a small source for someone. We need lots of sources.
This community is one of my sources. Youíve made me feel better when Iím sad by articulating a truth that helped my brain calculate my reality better and help me through pain rather than sitting in it.
You might be better than you know. But we can all use more compassion.




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Old 01-04-2018, 05:27 PM   #29 (permalink)
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It me. I am the people.

Mostly because I have no idea how to relate or respond. My default is the opposite.
So I feel like anything I say will be annoying and unhelpful to a person going through those negative thoughts.
I would prefere this response: " sorry it happened to you, this really sucks."

Silence.

The end.
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Old 01-04-2018, 10:49 PM   #30 (permalink)
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ABA therapy, he's autistic and it helps him focus and relate better. It has really been remarkable how much it has helped him. It is about 150k a year and without health insurance it would not be something we could do. We just started working on feelings, he seems to think he should always be happy. So when he is sad or angry he doesn't want to deal with it and tries to laugh and seem happy. You can't get an answer about what is wrong because he can't admit he is not happy. He has also taught himself to play the piano by simply watching his cousins play. He loves it and really is good for a 7 year old. Trying to get a piano teacher who can work in a non traditional way that he needs is not easy.
Scorpion, have you looked into music therapy at all? If he has an aptitude/interest in music he could definitely benefit from it. Some music therapists teach adaptive music lessons for kids with autism, not sure how widespread it is, but searching them out might be productive!
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