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Old 11-14-2008, 03:34 PM   #111 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by lissabunnie View Post
Did you punish her?
And when you talked to her about it, what did she say?
I'm really really curious.
Tells me everything, please?
Based on the other post I would like to cast my vote for no, she wasn't punished.

Browneyes?
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Old 11-17-2008, 11:05 PM   #112 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by brwneyes16 View Post
This is my first time posting on the forums. I have been listening to Keith and the Girl just over a year now. I'm 41, female, single, straight, not drunk and care about this post.

I am a single mother of two teenagers (13 y.o. girl and 16 y.o. boy) and am currently back in college as a biology major.

Even though I listened to this episode several weeks ago, I still think about it. My 13 year old daughter was talking to a guy online who she thought was 15. He turned out to be closer to 50. He lived across the country and she never met him. I found out because I made sure her chat logs were being saved, and I read them. There were things that were said that did not add up. I got very suspicious, and when the chat turned sexual, I started checking.

I have spent countless hours talking to both my teenagers about online predators, and I was totally surprised that my daughter almost fell for one. I have since learned from talking to psychologists and from my college courses that a child's brain physically changes during puberty.

The hormones and growth cycles that a child experiences during this important time causes the brain to redirect synapses, and to actually change in size and shape. Doctors have found that adolescents actually lose their ability, at times, to reason. They don't have the ability to see the big picture. They don't have the ability to see all the consequences of their actions. They have even said that that same child at 8 years old would be able to understand certain things but once they hit puberty, they no longer have that same understanding or mental reasoning. That's scary.

The worse part is, the kids think they know it all and both of those factors make it easier for a predator to manipulate and take advantage.

The nonability to reason is not constant during puberty but all a predator has to do is catch them at a vunerable point and devastating consequences can occur.

I just thought it was a good point to make. There is no way a teenager is informed enough to make their own decision to "date" older adults, and adults who think a child is mature enough, is screwed up.

Thanks for reading my first post.
I can definitely second that emotion. When I was going through puberty, I definitely lost all reason. I'm just lucky I made it through with only tiny scars.

And brilliant first post, wow! Keep going!
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Old 11-17-2008, 11:33 PM   #113 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by lissabunnie View Post
Did you punish her?
And when you talked to her about it, what did she say?
I'm really really curious.
Tells me everything, please?
Sorry, it took me so long to get back to you. It was a very difficult time. I got suspicious when I walked past the computer and she kept minimizing the IM window. I told her I needed to see what was going on. She got so angry. She started by screaming at me, saying anything she could think of to make me stop and argue with her, which only showed me she was hiding something. I sent her to her room while I read. She was so angry and I think worried about what I would read that she actually swallowed some pills (motion sickness, they were the only ones handy). Then she got scared and tried to throw them up. I heard her throwing up out her window, but I originally thought she was just crying so hard that she was making herself sick. Then she came out of her room and told me what she'd done.

She and I have been in family counseling since I split up with her father and she took the split very hard. I called her counselor who said I had to take her to the emergency room. There, they treated it like an overdose and made her drink charcoal, put in an IV, monitored her heart, the whole nine yards. That was enough to scare her straight. I actually think that was a good thing because it was not fun, and she will think twice before trying that again.

We got through that night and the next day we had a counseling session with her therapist (who is a wonderful person) and we discussed the logs and the fact that the guy wasn't a teenager. I also told her we needed to call the police. There is a dare officer at her school who is a liaison between the school and the police who she sees every day. I asked her if she wanted me to call him or a friend of mine who is a policeman. She wanted me to call my friend mostly because i think she was ashamed. We printed the logs and filed the necessary reports, etc. I didn't think that after all of that, she needed further punishment, other than she was off the computer for a while to disconnect from the guy. We blocked him, etc.

It was not an easy time for us, but in the long run, with the help of her counselor, teachers and police, she realized we were just trying to keep her safe. I think things are better now.

I think the key for us has been able to find a really good counselor who knows how to put things in perspective and cut to the heart of the issue. I don't think I would have known what to do or how to handle it without her coaching.

I was hesitant to share all that information but if it helps you...then something good will come of it.
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Old 11-18-2008, 09:12 AM   #114 (permalink)
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Wow, thats pretty intense, but I believe you did the right thing. Parents need to be involved in thier kids lives and need ro remember that teenagers are still children and don't know everything.

This was good, if not hard, lesson for your daughter to learn and hopefully she'll be more careful in the future.
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Old 11-18-2008, 02:45 PM   #115 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by brwneyes16 View Post

I was hesitant to share all that information but if it helps you...then something good will come of it.
Oh gosh that's intense. But I'm glad that things are better.

It's similiar to what happened to me just last year around this time. I would always go into chatrooms and talk to random guys on the internet. The thing is; I never used to log off AIM and I never thought my mother would actually know how to open AIM. Well, she opened it and read this one conversation with some random guy. She told my dad and since he's a cop, he was really angry with me. I told them that someone hacked my account but they knew it was bullshit. I wasn't really punished but just seeing my dad break down and cry and freak out about what I was saying made me never want to go on AIM again or talk to strangers on the internet. Now, I rarely use AIM and when I do, I only talk to my closest friends and I only rarely stay online for more than 10 minutes.

But do you ever look at your daughter differently now?
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Old 11-18-2008, 08:51 PM   #116 (permalink)
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But do you ever look at your daughter differently now?
No, of course not! I love my kids no matter what they do. Even though it was long ago, I remember what it was like to be a teenager. Having all these feelings and not knowing how to express them. I wanted something to happen in my life! Something exciting, fun and different. All teenagers want that. That's why teenagers are so vulnerable to predators. I guaranty that your father was more upset that he couldn't do anything to stop it and probably felt like he failed you in some way.

It's important to be careful on the internet, but we all make mistakes. You learned your lesson. DON'T feel any shame. You are a normal teenager with a lot of curiosity and feelings. Others should know better. You're parents were upset because they couldn't protect you like they wanted to.

I hope some of this helps.
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Old 11-19-2008, 02:04 PM   #117 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by brwneyes16 View Post
No, of course not! I love my kids no matter what they do. Even though it was long ago, I remember what it was like to be a teenager. Having all these feelings and not knowing how to express them. I wanted something to happen in my life! Something exciting, fun and different. All teenagers want that. That's why teenagers are so vulnerable to predators. I guaranty that your father was more upset that he couldn't do anything to stop it and probably felt like he failed you in some way.

It's important to be careful on the internet, but we all make mistakes. You learned your lesson. DON'T feel any shame. You are a normal teenager with a lot of curiosity and feelings. Others should know better. You're parents were upset because they couldn't protect you like they wanted to.

I hope some of this helps.
Yes, thank you. Your posts are amazing and I think I can see the perspective of a parent better now.
But the funny thing is, I'm talking to strangers on the katg forums.
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Old 11-19-2008, 02:20 PM   #118 (permalink)
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But the funny thing is, I'm talking to strangers on the katg forums.
I laughed at that too. Just be careful with any stranger, real or virtual and when in doubt, stop or tell a parent or other adult you trust.
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