Fat People and cops Rejoice....

[Noahfingway]

The best news ever heard in a Dunkin' Donuts


Donuts Prevent Cancer Deaths, Study Shows
By Salguod
Jun 3, 2006, 07:56 NEW YORK - A diet rich in donuts prevents a whole range of cancer deaths, according to a study released today by the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. While some dietary experts are befuddled by the results, the study's researchers were not.

"This is exactly what we expected," said Dr. Merc Grubstreet, the lead investigator.

The long-term, longitudinal study of middle-aged men tracked cancer deaths for two groups, those who ate substantial numbers of donuts each day and those who ate one or fewer donuts a month. The primary finding was that the "no donuts" group was 2.7 times more likely to die from cancer of all types than those in the "donut" group.

While most types of donuts appeared to have some protective effect, the most efficacious were deep-fried donuts, such as Krispy Kreme. The effect appears to hold regardless of the pastry's shape. Fillings and frostings seemed to add an extra layer of benefit, said Dr. Grubstreet. Cake donuts, such as Dunkin' Donuts, while less effective, do reduce cancer deaths as well, the study showed.

The experts were careful to note that the study provides little evidence that "a donut here or there" does much good at preventing cancer death. "Significant results were only shown for a daily regimen of donuts measured in dozens of donuts," said research scientist Fawn Minnion. "The median consumption of our 'donut' group was 1.4 gross per week."

The study, researchers said, had opened a series of new questions. An already funded follow-up study is slated to examine whether "hot" donuts are more efficacious than the "cold" boxed donuts usually sold in retail outlets. Another proposed study hopes to address a problem footnoted in the current one: the higher dropout rate in the "donut" group.

"Not many in the older 'donut' cohorts died of cancer, true," said study assistant Patsy Sukkard, "but there weren't many left."

Current theories for the high dropout rate include premature deaths related to obesity, diabetes, and hardening of the arteries. At the present no funding source has been found for the dropout study.

Dietary expert Virgie Bollix said she was a "little surprised" at the findings. "Maybe I shouldn't be since the latest studies show getting plastered every night on red wine will make you live forever."

The donut study, which cost over $60 million, was funded by Krispy Kreme, Dunkin' Donuts, and the Fried Pastries Manufacturers and Distributors Research Institute. The findings are set to be published in the this month's issue of the Pastry Science Quarterly.

[Nick Postagulous]

Death Prevents Cancer, Donuts

[Blitzgal]

Originally Posted by Noahfingway

A diet rich in donuts prevents a whole range of cancer deaths, according to a study released today by the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. While some dietary experts are befuddled by the results, the study's researchers were not.

The Onion.

[Noahfingway]

Originally Posted by Noahfingway

The best news ever heard in a Dunkin' Donuts




The donut study, which cost over $60 million, was funded by Krispy Kreme, Dunkin' Donuts, and the Fried Pastries Manufacturers and Distributors Research Institute. The findings are set to be published in the this month's issue of the Pastry Science Quarterly.

LOLs

Where is the funny?

[Nick Postagulous]

"I don't have to worry about death from cancer. I eat donuts, so I have heart disease."

[Noahfingway]

How many dozen can you get for $60 million?

[DanClass]

this study is frighteningly similar to real medical research sponsored by our beloved pharmaceutical industry.

did you know that Cardura one of the blockbuster hypertention drungs of the early 2000s actually performs worse compared head to head to hydrocholathizide (HCTZ) in lowering blood pressure and in preventing congestive heart failure flares? The different in price is that 150 dollars will buy you a month of cardura. 6 dollars will buy you 100 days of HCTZ. The study that proved Cardura sucked by comparison was not done because you do not need to compare your new medicine to standard of care to get past the FDA.

/ stepping off soap box before gets carried away

[ryanknapper]

Originally Posted by DanClass

did you know...

Well duh. What, are you the last to read that paper?