Funny Craigs List Post

[DWarrior]

Lolocaust, a secret affair involving realty.

[MichaelG]

Originally Posted by ElleJ

Seeking other S.Jersey Realtors...Lets talk - m4w - 30

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Reply to: pers-509494090@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-14, 5:27PM EST


So, do any other South Jersey Real Estate Agents read through the CL personals?
I think it would be fun to chat with someone in the same profession and have some fun.
Im marriend and need to be discreet. Business is slow this time of year, maybe we could find a way to fill some of the spare time. Wink Wink

Ive always had a fantasy of having a discreet affair with someone. It would be fun to have something in common to talk about.

Email me. Id love to hear from you!


At first I thought it was a joke from MG. Then I realized it didn't mention flip flops, sooo...this is for reals. For the record, no I will not be contacting him. Weirdo.

I guess i do not have to write any. These are funnier.

[JackieO]

I'm pissed ... but you're missed - 24

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Reply to: pers-513891388@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-19, 1:23AM CST


Remember what it means when there's a "but" in the sentence? Of course you do, because you're the one who told me!

So, let me start off by saying that I'm pissed off. I'm pissed at YOU and I'm pissed at myself. I'm pissed at you because you won't fucking write me back. You won't call me back. You disappear for days or weeks at a time with no indication of what's going on in your life. You could be dead for all I know. What the fuck? If you don't want to talk to me, FINE. Please, have the decency to put my mind at ease somewhat and say "hey, I got your pathetic attempts at appearing calm and indifferent on my message machine, but guess what, I just don't want to talk to you right now." Or something like that. I may not like it, but at least acknowledge my lame attempts to continue communication with you.

You know I'm incredibly patient. INHUMANLY patient. I have the capacity to understand and give distance and intuitively sense your inner turmoil through my dreams, and to do it with my eyes closed and hands tied behind my back. So, it irritates me that I'm becoming impatient. I so badly want to know and understand you to the point where I have no angry, jealous, anxious and sad feelings toward our situation. Just an easy, knowing sense that deep down underneath, everything will work itself out. I'm pissed that I'm losing faith in my unyielding belief that me loving you and loving you and loving you will make it ok. Why can't my love make it ok?

I am also pissed at my continued reliance on self-induced self-pity. I don't want to ever ever ever forget you, so I bring up feelings and memories of us, and instantly feel close to you through bouts of hysterical crying and rolling myself into a miserable ball of loneliness. I feel like if I lose this ability to have hysteria/depression over our distance, I'll lose it all. I'm not ready to do that. But I also don't want to love my own misery more than you.

The only reason I'm functional now is that I have distractions. Namely, work, 40+ hours a week at something new that requires all my focus. How long will it be before this distraction isn't enough anymore? By then, will you have had enough time to yourself to let me know something concrete? Right now I know I can't hold on, but I can't let go either.

I compare all my interactions with people since I met you to the relationship and connection we have. Nothing can compare to it. I feel like a stranger - the cynical, condescending bitch who won't eat any of the food - wherever I go. I miss you so much. I thought by now, that I would feel better about the whole thing. While I am now able to perform my functional daily tasks, I ache and hurt all the time. My laughter is forced, smiles are distant. I wonder if people can see through it. I crave our authentic conversations.

I am also mad at myself for posting this here instead of mailing you directly. This is partly out of the fact that I know you treasure your space - sending you this would definitely invade that, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize the tenuous connection we still have. I'm living in fear of losing you - that's pretty much it. It's quite selfish. I want to respect your space because I love you and want to do my damndest to meet your needs, but I'm also acting out of fear.

I had to vent, and what better venue than the good old CLMC that I scan everyday like I have fucking OCD, looking for something that you might have posted for me along these same lines? We met on CL... why not bare it all to a whole city of strangers through the same site?

Clues:
You: of the male variety, blond, gorgeous, hemp-wearing, raw plant-eating weirdo.
Me: femalian, boy's haircut, green apron wearing grocery tool.
I'm from WA, you're from MN.

Fuck you I love you!

[JackieO]

i think i saw your labia friday night - m4w - 25

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Reply to: pers-513849815@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-19, 12:04AM CST


you were on the pole most of the night in the back of sneaky petes with some other girls, if you let them have their fair share of time... no, not you girl in the purple dress, or blue dress (though that may not have been as terrible,) or obviously purple dress with the jeans on underneath (?), but you dark haired girl in the red dress with black fishnets and no panties. so thank you pink lipped girl, and you too old granddad, for without you i would not have had the misfortune of seeing this beautifully vile woman. oh yeah, thanks to god for making her self esteem so low.

steve d.

oh yes, i almost forgot. i was the guy with the scarf that doesnt want to hear from you.

[iheartnihilism]

Originally Posted by lebowski

To the Drunk Hottie who fell off my motorcycle

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Date: 2007-11-07, 5:23AM PST

Things got to things, we made out a bit, and you ended up going home with me on the back of my motorcycle, which was awesome because that doesn't usually happen to me.

Is it wrong that, in my head, this turned into "Tings got to Tings"

Originally Posted by marina

orange county craigslist > missed connections



i want to wake up - m4w - 25
Reply to: pers-504160198@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-09, 5:34PM PST


...inside you

Totally hot.

Originally Posted by JackieO

As the bailiff led you out, our eyes met and it seemed as though we had "a moment." If you have any sort of access to a computer, please shoot me an email. Maybe we can have a drink when you get off probation.

Classy. I'd totally believe it if it was from Florida.


JackieO's last post FTW.

[iheartnihilism]

Oh Magoo you've done it again! - w4m

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Reply to: pers-510780254@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-16, 1:49AM EST


A hand for each hand was planned for the world.
Why don't my fingers reach?
Millions of grains of sand in the world.
Why such a lonely beach?
Where is the voice to answer mine back?
Where are two shoes that click to my clack?
I'm all alone in the world.



it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

[jesikat]

Originally Posted by JackieO

i think i saw your labia friday night - m4w - 25

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Reply to: pers-513849815@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-19, 12:04AM CST


you were on the pole most of the night in the back of sneaky petes with some other girls, if you let them have their fair share of time... no, not you girl in the purple dress, or blue dress (though that may not have been as terrible,) or obviously purple dress with the jeans on underneath (?), but you dark haired girl in the red dress with black fishnets and no panties. so thank you pink lipped girl, and you too old granddad, for without you i would not have had the misfortune of seeing this beautifully vile woman. oh yeah, thanks to god for making her self esteem so low.

steve d.

oh yes, i almost forgot. i was the guy with the scarf that doesnt want to hear from you.

wow. just wow.

[jesikat]

JP is a two inched bitch - m4m - 25
Reply to: pers-513651539@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-18, 8:48PM EST


Warning- JP (from CVS) is a bitch. He is self centered and just all about himself. My hag dated him a while back and lets put it this way, he spent more time in the bathroom getting ready then her. And don't think about touching his (her) hair! Not to mention she always complained about his quick performance in bed! Just a heads up. But you are right he is hot on the surface.

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huhs??

[MichaelG]

Originally Posted by jesikat

JP is a two inched bitch - m4m - 25
Reply to: pers-513651539@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-18, 8:48PM EST


Warning- JP (from CVS) is a bitch. He is self centered and just all about himself. My hag dated him a while back and lets put it this way, he spent more time in the bathroom getting ready then her. And don't think about touching his (her) hair! Not to mention she always complained about his quick performance in bed! Just a heads up. But you are right he is hot on the surface.

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huhs??

That is one jaded homoh

[jesikat]

another weird one... thinkin it's gotta be fake, but funny.

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Here is one for you guys in highland park wfm section
Reply to: pers-514158133@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-19, 11:41AM EST


Are You fucking crazy bitch?


Hi there cowboys. I'm 672 pounds and give big a whollllllle new definition. Speaking of holes, I want some lovin'.



I haven't left my bed in about 9 mos, but I wouldn't mind sharing it. i get hosed off once a week by my nephew Curtis, who's blind in one eye and has a gangrenous leg.



I'm hooked up to a respirator but that wont get in the way of our love. I'm a chainsmoker, with a trachaeotomy, but thats not a big deal if you put duct tape over it, you wont even notice. Also i have hemophilia so it might get bloody. Bloody amazing! Do I sound British? I'm part British. Well my syphilis is from Britain. Never doing a mail order husband again. Although I don't think he was actually from Britain, he may have been from Iran. Well all I know is HE ran away. Iran, he ran, get it?



Well if you don't get it, or get any, hit me up. You can actually hit me in a kinky way as long as you don't bruise; i could hemhorrage.