I think I'm done

[doctorsleep]

Hey, its been a while, I know my fuck-a-tude has pretty much made everyone here hate me.

But I feel like venting and i don't want to bother my freinds with this so here goes

I STILL haven't gotten laid, not even a date, big surprise

I have made the decision to give up, Not kill myself, I'm not suicidal anymore, I'm still MASSIVELY depressed, but I give up, i'm so fucking tired of letting it bother me. its not going to happen, the end.

I recently had another run in with some fucking cock-tease on plenty of fish that messaged me for a month and then disappeared off the fucking planet. and I swore off online dating because I'm sick of it.

Recently I have been hanging out with that girl who i liked in highschool (lets call her K) and when she stood me up on prom for some other guy I swore hatred for her and then we re-connected though this forum (Its actually made all the other stuff worth it, being friends with her has been one of the best things to happen to me in years, its introduced me to all sorts of new experiences and really has saved my life,

It has also really helped because i have recently been having a bit of a falling out with another female friend of mine, (S) my only other female friend, a girl who I would call my sister, but I have been such a jackass too her because I have pretty much demanded that she set me up with someone and she has ADAMANTLY refused (even though I have been asking her to do this since we were in fucking high school she has never ONCE offered)

Anyway, this girl, K, has a room-mate, T. The three of us have been hanging out a lot and we have been having a lot of fun together, we have similar interest and really click when it comes to stuff we find funny and I started to develop a little crush on her. I couldn't help it, if I'm friends with a girl I start to like her.

- Lets take a break and point out this fucking infuriating irony
--What kind of girl do most guys think would be the best girlfriend?
--What kind of guy would no girl EVER consider going out with

Answer- FRIENDS!

Anyway, I wasn't crazy about T, not in the slightest. I had been growing in my ideas about relationships and commitment and how they don't need to be all or nothing, total absolute we are going to get married commitment. I just thought maybe we could just have some fun together and not get serious or any of that unless there was really something there. I was just about to ask her out when she up and gets a boyfriend.

Now, if i had asked her out and she said no, (99.99% chance outcome) I wouldn't be mad or hurt, i would totally understand, really I was more curious then anything about if she liked me in anyway like that.

If the guy she was dating was literally ANYONE ELSE but the guy she is dating now I would be fine too, I suck, any guy is better then me, how can I blame her for going with someone else.

But the guy she is dating is the exact same guy that stole K from me on prom night allll those fucking years ago in highschool. I know it was a long time ago, and I have forgiven K for it, and I know I'm being a petty bitch, but god damn its a deeeeeeep fucking wound in my heart man, still is, probably always will be. That Prom was the first night I realized that I'm probably going to be alone forever.

Let me tell you about this fucker, when I said any guy would be better then me, I meant any guy but this one

27 years old

300 pounds, all jelly, big fat George Lucas chin and everything

Lives with his parents (To be fair I still live with my parents too but I'm out by the end of the summer, if I was 27 and living with my parents I would have killed myself by then)

Fucking half-a-fag bisexual (He complains about how his work wont let him wear black nail polish, YOUR A 27 YEAR OLD MAN!)

Has to borrow his fucking parents car, I DO own my own fucking car that I paid for in MY fucking name, and I pay my insurance and all that shit.

I'm a pussy, but I KNOW that I could beat this guy in a fight,

and this guy has done this TWICE, We live in a world where a 300lbs piece of shit can get more women then i could ever HOPE to get,

I realize that this has to mean there really is something wrong my internal operating system. I am un-fixable, I know I'm not much, I'm shit, i'm a pussy, but I have seen guys that I KNOW i'm better then get more women then me. So fuck it, I'm done, I can't do it, I'm sick of trying.

I didn't wait 23 years to settle for fat single moms, which is all I can get, I would rather just rot fucking alone then that.

Now I don't ever need to worry about making money, or buying a nice car some day or wearing nice clothes. I'm done, it has to be impossible. fuck it,

I must be the biggest piece of shit when none of my friends will even humor the thought of setting me up with someone.

I'm done.