Its been 3 years. Anyone want an update?

BrianAlt · 01-28-2011, 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keith

This guy. He did the same thing during the show today: Do want an update?

My gravy...

This was my thought. Do I give a shit what you do? Do what you want. Update or don't update. I'm sure not begging for it.

Space Indaver · 01-28-2011, 08:19 AM

I'm fine without an update, I have no idea who you are. Would you like a photo of my next dump? Ask nicely.

Rufio · 01-28-2011, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dirtface

I miss you guys.

You're a bigger tease than slampokes

FletchLives · 01-28-2011, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rufio

You're a bigger tease than slampokes

oh shit! you all just got slampoked! hahaha

Dirtface · 01-28-2011, 10:09 AM

Ha.

Well, shortly after I left the ex wife, I started dating...we'll say...Jane. Jane was the girl that Jesse Joyce saw me with at the comedy club. Turns out that Jane would key my car and slash my tires and hide outside my house when I didn't want to hang out with her.

Also turns out that Jane was a porn star.

Not just "hey, i was videotaped once", but "Hey I flew to California and made 3 pornos in 2 days for Naughty America, and my face is on the box cover along with Mindy Main and Paulina James". Only this wasnt actually TOLD to me. I found out about it when a local friend told me to google her porn name, and bam there she was. Then it dawned on me that I was in personal possession of one of her movies the whole time.

Right about this time, I get a call from the ex whore wife. She had a baby. And the state wants to deem me the father. Except its not possible that I am, and frankly, completely possible that any given male within 25 miles is.

So I call the department of labour and statistics, and tell them that I'll be more than happy to provide a paternity test, and they say that won't matter.

"excuse me?"

"Yeah, paternity tests dont matter."

As it turns out, she was living with and fucking some very nice young man by the name of Tony. Poor kid was a father at 18, plus he's stuck with her. Anyway, he WANTED his name on this babies birth certificate.

"But the baby is brown"

"so?"

"Im irish. We don't have brown babies. I mean...like its just NOT mine. How can a paternity test, coupled with the real father stepping up not matter?"

"If a baby is born within 300 days of a legal marriage existence, the husband is the legal father."

"...I dont think you heard me. BROWN."

So i had to get a lawyer. Somehow, this state has decided that the only thing that matters in a paternity issue is if the alleged father, the actual father, and the mother, all sign a legal document stating that im NOT the father. And then at that point, shes free to write whatever name under "father" she wants. Fucking insane.

A lot else has happened, but not much involving me being put in foolish positions. I DJ now, and run a promotion company, and have a very very good girlfriend.

Dirtface · 01-28-2011, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lord of the Cock Rings

You really have a thing for loose women.

I didnt exactly make the best decisions, did i?

Medium Brumski · 01-28-2011, 11:14 AM

So you did get that legal document signed by all parties? What state do you live in?

crecentroll · 01-28-2011, 11:57 AM

Could I have the porn star's number?

Michael Collins · 01-28-2011, 12:43 PM

You can't tell us all that without telling us her porn name!

EastTexas · 01-28-2011, 05:35 PM

That law makes no sense. The term for a pregnancy is 9 months, but the ex-husband is still the father if it's within 10 months?
Even more weird is that a paternity test wouldn't matter.
The ex could do big black gangbangs nightly for a month and you get to pay for the kid still. Nice.

You live in Ohio or Michigan or something like that right?

01-28-2011, 08:19 AM	#12 (permalink)
Space Indaver Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 323	I'm fine without an update, I have no idea who you are. Would you like a photo of my next dump? Ask nicely.
(Offline)

01-28-2011, 10:09 AM	#15 (permalink)
Dirtface Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 72	Ha. Well, shortly after I left the ex wife, I started dating...we'll say...Jane. Jane was the girl that Jesse Joyce saw me with at the comedy club. Turns out that Jane would key my car and slash my tires and hide outside my house when I didn't want to hang out with her. Also turns out that Jane was a porn star. Not just "hey, i was videotaped once", but "Hey I flew to California and made 3 pornos in 2 days for Naughty America, and my face is on the box cover along with Mindy Main and Paulina James". Only this wasnt actually TOLD to me. I found out about it when a local friend told me to google her porn name, and bam there she was. Then it dawned on me that I was in personal possession of one of her movies the whole time. Right about this time, I get a call from the ex whore wife. She had a baby. And the state wants to deem me the father. Except its not possible that I am, and frankly, completely possible that any given male within 25 miles is. So I call the department of labour and statistics, and tell them that I'll be more than happy to provide a paternity test, and they say that won't matter. "excuse me?" "Yeah, paternity tests dont matter." As it turns out, she was living with and fucking some very nice young man by the name of Tony. Poor kid was a father at 18, plus he's stuck with her. Anyway, he WANTED his name on this babies birth certificate. "But the baby is brown" "so?" "Im irish. We don't have brown babies. I mean...like its just NOT mine. How can a paternity test, coupled with the real father stepping up not matter?" "If a baby is born within 300 days of a legal marriage existence, the husband is the legal father." "...I dont think you heard me. BROWN." So i had to get a lawyer. Somehow, this state has decided that the only thing that matters in a paternity issue is if the alleged father, the actual father, and the mother, all sign a legal document stating that im NOT the father. And then at that point, shes free to write whatever name under "father" she wants. Fucking insane. A lot else has happened, but not much involving me being put in foolish positions. I DJ now, and run a promotion company, and have a very very good girlfriend.
(Offline)

01-28-2011, 11:14 AM	#17 (permalink)
Medium Brumski Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 660	So you did get that legal document signed by all parties? What state do you live in?
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01-28-2011, 11:57 AM	#18 (permalink)
crecentroll Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 180	Could I have the porn star's number?
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01-28-2011, 12:43 PM	#19 (permalink)
Michael Collins Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Eire Posts: 37	You can't tell us all that without telling us her porn name!
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01-28-2011, 05:35 PM	#20 (permalink)
EastTexas Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Omaha, NE Posts: 1,259	That law makes no sense. The term for a pregnancy is 9 months, but the ex-husband is still the father if it's within 10 months? Even more weird is that a paternity test wouldn't matter. The ex could do big black gangbangs nightly for a month and you get to pay for the kid still. Nice. You live in Ohio or Michigan or something like that right?
(Offline)

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