Long-distance relationships

[The Living Dead]

Originally Posted by blackpussy

Let me just say that I drink from "time to time" and I also tend to get shitfaced sometimes too. I don't, however, cheat on hubby. If you worry about someone cheating when they are drunk, you prolly should worry about it when they are sober too. Cheaters gonna cheat, just sayin.

I think that's true, point taken. Still, I can never get the worry out of my head that he will be on his special level of retard/college student drunk and lose control of a situation or himself. I know a big part of that is probably just my own lack of trust, but I'm starting to find it difficult to even take our relationship seriously anymore, and like I'm just waiting for him to do something like that and break my heart.

Today's been a bad day for thoughts like these. Sorry for all the melodrama

[bankyanks]

Originally Posted by The Living Dead

Anyway, long distance is hard. We barely made it through the three month summer break. Anything longer than that I do not recommend, but then again it seems to work for other people.

I'm sorry if I'm wrong. But did you not write into the show about this?
Are you the girl whose boyfriend "didn't know the roads" when you tried to visit him?

[The Living Dead]

Yep that's me! Anyway, we worked out the summer, he drove to visit me a few times when he was in nearby Pennsylvania, and I flew down to North Carolina to visit him once. The summer was extremely hard for me in regards to our relationship, but back at school we've been growing so much closer again and things are better than ever. He makes me happy like no one else. I'm pretty sure I basically love him, and right now I'm really struggling with the fact that he doesn't love me back yet. I know it's probably a silly problem to those of you with much more life experience than me, but right now it's what my silly 19-year-old brain is dealing with.

[doug]

Originally Posted by The Living Dead

I know it's probably a silly problem to those of you with much more life experience than me, but right now it's what my silly 19-year-old brain is dealing with.

The thing that's silly and that you'll look back on as a mistake is investing this kind of energy is someone who would say some dumb shit like I don't love you but I will eventually.

He's a dummy and you loving him won't make him less of a dummy. Move along, it's best for both of you.

[Sparrow]

Originally Posted by Junkenstein

Trust me. i am aware of how repulsive i am lately.

I am a kitten wrapped in rainbow coloured cotton candy.

*sigh* Hi. My name is Sparrow. I am also in a disgustingly adoraboos LDR. of the open variety.

Can't account so much for the wisdom in my actions: I a) love, but 2) won't not sleep with other people. What seems to be working are tons of communication and bald-faced honesty. and skype dates. making time for skype dates. facial communication is important blah blah science, also cumming.

I don't know if it's a good idea. I don't know if it's gonna work out. But, he's making magic happen in my inside places and I think that's worth a little risk and exploration.

[bankyanks]

Originally Posted by The Living Dead

Yep that's me! Anyway, we worked out the summer, he drove to visit me a few times when he was in nearby Pennsylvania, and I flew down to North Carolina to visit him once. The summer was extremely hard for me in regards to our relationship, but back at school we've been growing so much closer again and things are better than ever. He makes me happy like no one else. I'm pretty sure I basically love him, and right now I'm really struggling with the fact that he doesn't love me back yet. I know it's probably a silly problem to those of you with much more life experience than me, but right now it's what my silly 19-year-old brain is dealing with.

That's silly. It's not silly because you're 19 - it's silly because you should be able to talk to him about this! Get that conversation DONE!

For the record, I'm 19 too.

[The Living Dead]

Originally Posted by bankyanks

That's silly. It's not silly because you're 19 - it's silly because you should be able to talk to him about this! Get that conversation DONE!

For the record, I'm 19 too.

I have talked to him about it. We discussed it yesterday, and he said that he doesn't love me yet, but he will. I know he cares about me a lot, but the lack of love after nine months really breaks my heart. But beyond our conversation yesterday, I'm not sure what else there is to say.

I also wish it was easy to write him off as a dummy and dump his sorry ass, but I just can't make myself do it. Like I said, he makes me happy when we're together, and I know I make him happy too. I don't know what else he's missing.

[Tombo]

Originally Posted by The Living Dead

I have talked to him about it. We discussed it yesterday, and he said that he doesn't love me yet, but he will. I know he cares about me a lot, but the lack of love after nine months really breaks my heart. But beyond our conversation yesterday, I'm not sure what else there is to say.

I also wish it was easy to write him off as a dummy and dump his sorry ass, but I just can't make myself do it. Like I said, he makes me happy when we're together, and I know I make him happy too. I don't know what else he's missing.

I think there was a song about this in the 80s or 90s... After 9 months, it's a stretch for me to believe this is going to have a happy ending. Dude's crazy because if he doesn't figure his shit out he stands to lose a gorgeous and articulate young lady. I just can't see how someone says "I will love you.. buuuut not right now." It feels like my brain is dividing by zero when I see that.

I feel inclined to ask how long you've been single for a stretch since you've started dating at all. And also what his longest relationship to date has been. Those two things could be at the root of your problem. If he has commitment issues and/or if you have co-dependency issues.

If that doesn't apply, then I agree with Bankyanks. Talk to the dude and make him communicate why he won't sack up.

For everyone else starting, continuing or debating LDRs: keep your chin up. It is possible for it to work out. I was in a LDR a bit over two years ago. I had had one that didn't work out a few years before that, so I was hesitant to start a new one. Especially given that she was in California and I was in New England. But, 2 months after we started, I flew out to Cali and drove across the country with her. Granted, it was a gamble for both of us being that early. But we had known each other, from that distance, for over a year by then.

Two months ago we got married. It doesn't work for everyone, obviously. I just hope for the best for those of you dealing with it. <3

[picard102]

Originally Posted by The Living Dead

I don't know what else he's missing.

Someone whom he can love.
Once he breaks your heart you'll be able to deal with things like this much better in the future. So there's always a bright side.

[marina]

Originally Posted by The Living Dead

I have talked to him about it. We discussed it yesterday, and he said that he doesn't love me yet, but he will. I know he cares about me a lot, but the lack of love after nine months really breaks my heart. But beyond our conversation yesterday, I'm not sure what else there is to say.

I also wish it was easy to write him off as a dummy and dump his sorry ass, but I just can't make myself do it. Like I said, he makes me happy when we're together, and I know I make him happy too. I don't know what else he's missing.

I don't know why everyone's freaking out about the love thing. If you have fun with him, have fun. You're 19, don't worry about the stupidity of looove.

I'm pretty sure that it was about 6 months into mine and Dr. BFs relationship where I told him straight out "I don't believe in love, if you can't handle that, this isn't for you, but I like you a lot and I think you're really awesome, so I hope you stick around."

Of course, I've modified my opinions regarding love, but not by much. Even though I love him deeply, I still believe that's just a series of chemical reactions designed by evolution to ensure offspring are well cared for. I know love isn't the most important part of a relationship.