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Old 05-09-2011, 12:00 AM   #1 (permalink)
MJG
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My "Best Man" speech

I am the best man at a wedding on this Saturday May, 14 2011 and I'd like advise on my speech. I may have taken some lines from KATG also. I hope you all can give me some constructive criticism on my speech. The grammar is off but that is just for my benefit. I think all you need to know for the speech to make sense is that Matt and I played football together in college and that both Matt and, his bride, Cate are two awesome people. Plus Matt is actually faster than me, also I love Jack Daniels. Thanks for your advise, and so it begins.

First off I'd like to say that I'm not keen on public speaking but a big thanks to my friend Jack Daniels for making this possible.

Secondly, I'm glad to say that Matt didn't even think about running away, which was a huge relief to me because he is way faster than I am!

In the immortal words from “Princess Bride”, “Marriage...Marriage is what brings us together today” and I can't imagine a better reason to come together than celebrating the love and commitment of these two AWESOME people. It may not be THE “Royal Wedding” because when Cate calls Matt “Prince Charming” it's not an official title, but to me this day is a lot more special, and I guarantee you that more than 2 Billion people would watch if they only knew how great “Matt” and Cate are...forget Will and Kate.

One of my earliest memories of Matt was back in our freshman year of college, when we had to roll the tarp off the football field and some weirdo (point at Matt) was tossing worms into his mouth and spitting them out at people. If you had told me then, how close we'd be today, I'd have called you insane...But I really think the moments that cemented our friendship was the night that we both got violently ill. There was some sort of bond formed, while we both laid unmoving with sickness on the bathrooms, cold tile floor. Unfortunately for us, our house only had one bathroom, but two very sick people. There was a 3am call to my Mother, informing her that we were about to die, but she did the appropriate thing and called the hospital and found out that there was just a 24 hour bug going around, but nonetheless our friendship was still cemented that night. Later it was reaffirmed when we signed up for a gym membership as a “couple”. According to the gym Lifestyle Family Fitness, Matt and I ARE “involved”. All we had to do was prove that we were on a lease together and it saved us money on our membership. So if Cate and Matt try to get a membership there, they might have a little explaining to do.

Matt has always looked out for me. For example this one time there was a chinese buffet in the dining hall and because I know how to work the system I was able to leave with an whole plate full of crab rangoon. Not more than 15 feet out the door I ran into Matt, he looked down at the plate then up at me and as I realized what was about to happen, he had already smacked the entire plate onto the ground. After my initial anger subsided, I was able to realize that he was just looking out for me. Well Matt, buddy, I have no need to slap Cate onto the ground, and trust me, I would if I had to.

Some people would say that when a couple gets married, two single people die, but knowing you two it's easy for me to say that, two single people are just joining together to become one AWESOME couple.

Cate, knowing Matt as well as I do, it'd be easy to say that you are a lucky woman, but it didn't take me long realize that Matt is an even luckier man. I may not have met the women of my dreams yet, but I'll know I have when I have the same look in my eyes that Matt does when he looks at you. I think I can speak for all of Matt's friends and family, when I say that if we have to share him with someone, we're glad it's you. We all wish you the best of luck, and we love you guys. (Raise glass) To an undying love, and to the TWO...BEST...PEOPLE...that we all know.
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Old 05-09-2011, 01:22 AM   #2 (permalink)
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too long. nobody likes to sit through these things. shorten it up, hoss.
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Old 05-09-2011, 03:20 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
too long. nobody likes to sit through these things. shorten it up, hoss.
Second that, hossette.

tl;dr, check this:

that's for like a million people dying in a war
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Old 05-09-2011, 06:30 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Keep the sickyboos part and remove the stealing chinese story. That should help.
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Old 05-09-2011, 07:30 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Yep, maybe just cut out the Chinese bit and you're onto a winner
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Old 05-09-2011, 07:45 AM   #6 (permalink)
MJG
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I appreciate all your help. Thanks. On the other hand, I don't think plagiarizing the Gettysburg Address is really an option. It won't fit the mood haha.
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Old 05-09-2011, 08:18 AM   #7 (permalink)
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too long. nobody likes to sit through these things. shorten it up, hoss.
Seconded. (However I don't condone the use of the word hoss)

I don't really get the chinese part at all. Cut down the shared sickness story to some one-liner about sharing a toilet made you closer.
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Old 05-09-2011, 08:28 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I dont`t think you need to worry to be honest, you seem rather "well worded" but perhaps that`s only online ?

But as Sparrow said, make it shorter if possible.

Good luck.

Last edited by Scanweb; 05-16-2011 at 06:55 AM. Reason: spelling.
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Old 05-09-2011, 09:45 AM   #9 (permalink)
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“Marriage...Marriage is what brings us together today”If you must, do it in the voice and let people catch the reference and I can't imagine a better reason to come together than celebrating the love and commitment of these two AWESOME people.

Back in my freshman year of college, rolling a tarp off the football field, I saw some weirdo (point at Matt) tossing worms into his mouth and spitting them at people. If you had told me then how close we'd be today, I'd have called you insane, but a 24 hour bug cemented our friendship. A real bond formed while we laid, both immobile with sickness, convinced we were going to die together on a cold tile floor.

Cate, you're a lucky woman, but Matt is an even luckier man. I haven't met the woman of my dreams yet, but I'll know when I have the same look in my eyes that Matt does when he looks at you. I think I can speak for all of our friends and family when I say if we have to share him with someone, we're glad it's with you. All the best of luck; we love you guys. (Raise glass in the couples' direction) To an undying love
Rewrote it for you. You're Welcome.
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Old 05-09-2011, 10:24 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Rewrote it for you. You're Welcome.
Good night, drive safely!
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