My father-in-law needs to go. Help!

[Ondi]

Read up on Al Anon and maybe go to a few meetings. You can't make him recover, you can only control you. A big part of Al Anon is learning to "detach with love" and let the addict live with the consequences of his behavior.

My husband is a recovering alcoholic, 2 years sober. I don't go to Al Anon meetings... I tried one but it didn't do anything for me. I should have tried a few more but just reading up on their literature and teachings was helpful for me. His decent into alcoholism and his early recovery were the roughest time in our 12 year marriage and sucked for the whole family (we have two kids).

You can't make him recover. You can only decide where your boundaries are and what you will do if he crosses them. He will or won't recover in his own time. He is not capable of drinking in moderation. His brain is broken in this department.

Was he an addict when your wife was growing up? If so Al Anon meetings might really help her. The one I went to was early in my husband's recovery. I was scared off because everyone there was either the adult child of an alcoholic or the divorced former spouse of an alcoholic. I freaked out because they were all what I was hoping to save myself and my young kids from. That said, they all seemed to really be getting a lot out of the program and the support/fellowship they were finding there.

Best of luck to you guys!!

PS: I think you guys did the only thing you could do as humans by taking him in when you did.

[MadMaddy]

I don't think it was stupid for taking him in, you were teaching your children kindness. But if you keep him you are teaching them to be pansies.

We all have these people in our families, what you did for your wife by taking her father in was a true gift. If he would have taken this opportunity that would have been great, unfortunately he is a douche. My ex and I have done this with a few members of our family one of which actually picked his ass up and made something of himself so you never know. You can't kick yourself for trying to be nice to a fellow human.

As to your problem, I would give him a date and 300 dollars so you won't feel any guilt if that date is tomorrow so be it. Tell him the exact reasons you are kicking him out, tell him he can come visit if he follows your rules and only then. Tell him under no circumstances will he be allowed back under your roof. I would also have a long talk with your kids about why you took him in and why he has to go. That way they know its good to be kind but also know where to draw the line and not be stepped on.

[madisonyrskull]

kill him with kindness.or a claw hammer

[gym_wizard]

Originally Posted by Ondi

Best of luck to you guys!!

PS: I think you guys did the only thing you could do as humans by taking him in when you did.

Thanks! And I hope for the best for you and your husband.

[gym_wizard]

Originally Posted by MadMaddy

I don't think it was stupid for taking him in, you were teaching your children kindness. But if you keep him you are teaching them to be pansies.

We all have these people in our families, what you did for your wife by taking her father in was a true gift. If he would have taken this opportunity that would have been great, unfortunately he is a douche. My ex and I have done this with a few members of our family one of which actually picked his ass up and made something of himself so you never know. You can't kick yourself for trying to be nice to a fellow human.

As to your problem, I would give him a date and 300 dollars so you won't feel any guilt if that date is tomorrow so be it. Tell him the exact reasons you are kicking him out, tell him he can come visit if he follows your rules and only then. Tell him under no circumstances will he be allowed back under your roof. I would also have a long talk with your kids about why you took him in and why he has to go. That way they know its good to be kind but also know where to draw the line and not be stepped on.

We have had the rules conversation before, but his problem stems from deep depression and the drinking doesn't help. Physically he is doing okay but mentally he is a mess.

I'm lucky our kids have their head on straight despite their age.

[Cretaceous Bob]

Originally Posted by MadMaddy

I don't think it was stupid for taking him in, you were teaching your children kindness.

Or teaching the importance of not being "kind". People tend to purge any personality flaws that cause them to end up with homeless people in their house.

[marina]

I'm interested to know too. Is he still there?

[gym_wizard]

Originally Posted by bluesiren

still being a pussy about it or is he gone?

LOL nice.

He did go to his friends and left me a drunken message, that was supposed to get me to pick him up, and I just left him. Everything was all good, my wife and I in bed- then we hear this rattling at the door, the dogs go nuts and the doorbell rings. He had found a ride. I was fuming! Thank god I didn't give that fucker a key! Nevertheless it was freezing that night so I couldn't in good conscious leave him out there with his ride gone and his trac-phone dead.

Let his be a lesson to all you... don't let this happen to you!

Next, I think I'll just take him to a homeless shelter.

[gym_wizard]

Originally Posted by Cretaceous Bob

Or teaching the importance of not being "kind". People tend to purge any personality flaws that cause them to end up with homeless people in their house.

I'd say that's about right. See if EVER do this again!

[Grapist]

There's "kind" and there is "doormat", guess which one you are.