O doctorsleep, where art thou?

[EatTheWeak]

Originally Posted by doctorsleep

Tv show with a dorky but sweet guy getting the girl he likes FUCK IT ALL.

Here's your trouble, dude. You've grown up in a culture where nearly every TV show, movie and videogame reinforces the trope of women as a prize for a life well-lived. You've got this false expectation that if you do right in life, you will "get the girl," as if she's not a person with agency and desires of her own but this trophy that is gifted to you once you've done enough to earn it. (not "her" in this construction but "it," since the "get the girl" myth doesn't really acknowledge women as fully formed people).

You see yourself as this "dorky but sweet guy" who surely by now should have "gotten the girl" for all that you've suffered to be this nice and yet perpetually overlooked dude. You've grown resentful because you believe the world has not yet given you the girl you are owed. Because you have not yet understood that your true suffering is supported by naught but fallacies, you continue to suffer and your resentment has turned toxic. "Why don't these bitches understand how nice I am? It's unfair that I haven't gotten the girl yet! I DESERVE A LADY PRIZE."

Here's a quick fix - if you've got an idea about how human interaction is supposed to work from television and movies, go ahead and discard that idea because it isn't fucking real. Women are not prizes awarded only to special boys. Women are people. Women are people. Repeat this to yourself about a billion times because it's an idea that you don't really understand. Women are human beings, not something bestowed upon you at the end of a difficult task. Human beings. There are no ladies at the bottom of the Cracker Jack box of life - you should not whine when the world fails to operate like a rom-com.

Ask yourself - what do you picture happening after you've "gotten the girl?" Do credits roll? Is the doctorsleep rom-com over at that point, happily ever after? What happens when your Prize Girl acts like a human, when she's tired or cranky or sad or sick? What happens when she doesn't behave like the prize you expect her to be? More resentment? More woe-is-sleep? What happens if she says she wants a tattoo, gets pregnant, makes plans incompatible with your own? What happens if she's anything besides the demure little Japanese girl you've fantasized and fetishized up in that fevered head of yours?

Your dick will stay dry, sleep, until you stop treating women as a separate species that you must be rewarded with a specimen of. Real men don't "get the girl" - characters on television shows and movies do that. There's no such thing as "getting the girl" in real life. Women in real life are human people with human thoughts and feelings that have nothing to do with your desires. They are not Prize Girls waiting around for the plot to award them to you once you've satisfied certain requirements of the script.

You'll be a million times less creepy if you take this advice and adjust your thinking accordingly. You might even get to spend some quality time with women if you stop thinking in terms of "getting" them constantly. But, you're going to contradict and ignore what I've said because I suspect you don't really want your life to change. At this point, I'm convinced that you cannot love any woman any more than you're already in love with this perception of yourself as a victim of women and an uncaring world.

Becoming a man is difficult work. Remaining a boy who squalls about a prize unfairly withheld is easy.

[dEadERest]

Originally Posted by EatTheWeak

You'll be a million times less creepy if you take this advice and adjust your thinking accordingly.

yeah, not any of the 8700 other pieces of advice you've been generously fed . .

i read 3 sentences WeakEater and chose to po0p on this one because, i'm pretty sure, you didn't do your due diligence.

[amyuilani]

Originally Posted by dEadERest

yeah, not any of the 8700 other pieces of advice you've been generously fed . .

i read 3 sentences WeakEater and chose to po0p on this one because, i'm pretty sure, you didn't do your due diligence.

Actually I think it is one of the better analyses. Alas, Sleep will pay no attention to it, and thus, more of these threads will continue to contaminate the forums.

[doctorsleep]

@eat the week

yeah you're right, I understand this. What I was saying was that I'm just tired of seeing things where people get to be happy. I know its fake, but its just that seeing it makes me sad.

Don't worry, my self-esteem is no where near high enough for me to think I "deserve" a girl. I'm fucking pissed that I haven't gotten one yet, especially when the last girl I liked started dating a guy who pretty much has all my same flaws and problems except is 28, no college, drives his parents car, and weighs 300 pounds.

Was going to say this here but decided not too, but since this topic is at front page might as well, this has been driving me crazy.

Okay, its near the end of semester (I'm going to graduate college a virgin, this has been a waste of time and I'm planning to enroll in some bullshit easy classes at a community college in the fall just so I can be around people) And in my class 2 weeks ago (monday) I ended up sitting next to a cute girl, we talked for a bit during the break and a bit during the lecture.

SO I NUTTED UP AND ASKED FOR HER NUMBER AND I FUCKING GOT IT!!!
(And this girl is asian , 20, short, and thin (I don't mean not fat, I mean THIN, shes a waif)

I was honestly the happiest and most optimistic I have ever been in years.

That was a Monday, i waited until Thursday night and texted her asking if she was doing anything firday. she said that she would be working until 7:30 on friday. I texted back if she would like to meet up and get some coffee that day.

She never texted back.

So i figured "Welp, I asked her out, that must have let her know that I was interested in trying to date here and therefore killed all interest." So on friday I went out with some friends and at exactly 7:30 she called me up, called me, not text. too ask if I was still interested in doing something.

I was on the fucking other side of town, and I was driving, there was no way i could have gone and meet her. I fucking missed a chance at going on a date. FUCK

She said it was okay and we could meet up after the semester.

Later that night we met up with some more friends and I told them about it and this girl I know said that we should invite her to hang out with us. this is at about 9:30. I didn't want too but this girl is a bitch and if she wants you to do something she will moan and call you a pussy and bitch at you until you do. And I REALLY wanted too see the girl so i did, like an idiot I texted her and she said no, lets just wait until after the semester. Now I'm worried as fuck that I looked desperate or that I was trying to pull some kind of "game" on her or something.

I saw her in last weeks class and she said she would still love to meet up after the semesters over. (two weeks from then)

Have I been handling this right? I'm not going to communicate with herexst (save for sitting next too her in class) at all until after the semester (even though that girl I know keeps trying to get me to do it)

even with all this fail this is still the CLOSEST I have ever gotten.

I have no idea how I'm going to meet girls outside school. I can't do the cold open, i cant just walk up to a girl. on thrusday I went to school at 11 and just walked around campus trying to find a girl to talk too, I couldn't, walked around for 5 hours and I couldn't find a single girl to talk too because I don't have any fucking balls for it. I can't do this, this is probably my last shoot. I can NOT fuck this up

[dannyhatch]

You are a ghoul.

[EatTheWeak]

Originally Posted by doctorsleep

@eat the week

yeah you're right, I understand this ... my self-esteem is no where near high enough for me to think I "deserve" a girl. I'm fucking pissed that I haven't gotten one yet

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND SHIT IF YOU'RE STILL USING POSSESSIVE LANGUAGE. WOMEN ARE NOT OBJECTS TO BE ACQUIRED YOU NUMBSKULL. WOMEN ARE PEOPLE - NOBODY "GETS ONE" LIKE THEY'RE A FUCKING USED CAR. "DESERVE" HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. WOMEN ARE PEOPLE. PEOPLE! HUMAN PEOPLE! THIS SHOULD NOT BE SO GODDAMN DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN.

Know what though? I think I'm sicker than you. Cuz even now I'm thinking of how to explain text flirting to you, of telling you not to wander around campus looking for any woman at all to talk to like a weirdo, of advising you on flirting with this girl in class over the next two weeks, of all the shit you could be doing. I don't know what it is about you, sleep, that keeps me coming back.

I think it's because a few years ago, I was in such a dark and desperate place that I could have become a creature like yourself had that desperation continued. Instead, my testicles descended and I started kicking life in the ass as a man ought to do. I broke free and I want to believe that anyone can do so with a little courage and a little support. I think you represent a big, black hole in this theory and it super depresses me to have to amend this belief to "almost anyone can break free."

So one last try - women. are not. possessions. you cannot "get" one, that's not how it fucking works. Even if you do begin dating, you will not have "gotten" the woman you're dating. Even if she becomes your girlfriend, changes her Facebook status, hangs off your arm and kisses you right on the birthmark every night, YOU STILL WILL NOT POSSESS HER BECAUSE SHE'S A HUMAN BEING (I hope) AND HUMAN BEINGS ARE NOT OBJECTS THAT YOU CAN "GET."

[doctorsleep]

Originally Posted by EatTheWeak

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND SHIT IF YOU'RE STILL USING POSSESSIVE LANGUAGE. WOMEN ARE NOT OBJECTS TO BE ACQUIRED YOU NUMBSKULL. WOMEN ARE PEOPLE - NOBODY "GETS ONE" LIKE THEY'RE A FUCKING USED CAR. "DESERVE" HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. WOMEN ARE PEOPLE. PEOPLE! HUMAN PEOPLE! THIS SHOULD NOT BE SO GODDAMN DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN.

Comon, I don't mean "got" like that, how the hell am I supposed to say

I have a girlfriend
I want a girlfriend

Its not that I would "posses" the actual woman its that I will have gotten a girl to be in a state of being my girlfriend.

Also, unrelated, as long as I'm here there is another question about girls I want to ask. So I'm with my female friend, the one who has been trying to help me the most. Sometimes we will be in a coffee shop by school and she will try to goad me into talking to a random girl. (like i said, if you don't do what this girl tells you too she will bitch and moan and call you a pussy) But most of the time any girl who isn't already there with her boyfriend is studying (we are literally in the week right before finals)

I don't want to bother these girls, but she says "shes studying in a coffee shop because she wants someone to interrupt her" I don't want to bother them, but is that true?

[DWarrior]

I'm not a normal person, but when I study in coffee shops, it's because it's a quiet place with ready access to caffeine, and I can't concentrate in my house.

[EatTheWeak]

Okay, what the fuck, why not -

On the possession language thing, reassess what it is you're seeking. You want some intimacy and companionship in your life. You'd like to go go on some dates. You're looking for a woman to spend some quality time with. You're not in a movie so you're never gonna "get the girl." Also, discard the "I want a girlfriend" thought because it suggests that any girlfriend is gonna be the same as any other, that you will definitely be compatible if only any woman at all will sign up. THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS. It generally goes from "Hey, I think this woman is interesting and she's making hella eye contact with me so I'm gonna talk to her" to "Now that we've spoken I know that she's interesting, plus she kept touching my arm so I'm going ask her out" to "hey, we did something pretty low key and it went really well - we were having so much fun that I would have felt weird not asking her for another date" to "wow, we've gone on a bunch of dates now and have formed a powerful, intimate bond that is very important to me and important to her as well. We trust each other, believe in each other, are attracted to each other and love being in one another's lives. It's time to talk to THE SPECIFIC GIRL I'VE BEEN DATING AND HAVE FORMED A BOND WITH about making a real commitment, about my being her boyfriend, about her being my girlfriend and about what that commitment is going to mean for we two specific people in this one specific couple"

Which is to say, there is no such thing as a standard-issue intimate partner. Everything is case by case.

As to your friend - she's wrong and dumb and probably fucking with you. You should definitely, definitely, definitely not bother strange women who are trying to study in public places during finals week or any week. (Unless you're Brolo, which you ain't). Woman reading? Let her be. On her headphones? Let her be. Eating a meal? Let her be.

[doctorsleep]

Originally Posted by EatTheWeak

Okay, what the fuck, why not -

On the possession language thing, reassess what it is you're seeking. You want some intimacy and companionship in your life. You'd like to go go on some dates. You're looking for a woman to spend some quality time with. You're not in a movie so you're never gonna "get the girl." Also, discard the "I want a girlfriend" thought because it suggests that any girlfriend is gonna be the same as any other, that you will definitely be compatible if only any woman at all will sign up. THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS. It generally goes from "Hey, I think this woman is interesting and she's making hella eye contact with me so I'm gonna talk to her" to "Now that we've spoken I know that she's interesting, plus she kept touching my arm so I'm going ask her out" to "hey, we did something pretty low key and it went really well - we were having so much fun that I would have felt weird not asking her for another date" to "wow, we've gone on a bunch of dates now and have formed a powerful, intimate bond that is very important to me and important to her as well. We trust each other, believe in each other, are attracted to each other and love being in one another's lives. It's time to talk to THE SPECIFIC GIRL I'VE BEEN DATING AND HAVE FORMED A BOND WITH about making a real commitment, about my being her boyfriend, about her being my girlfriend and about what that commitment is going to mean for we two specific people in this one specific couple"

Which is to say, there is no such thing as a standard-issue intimate partner. Everything is case by case.

Of course. I'm saying that I want that connection your talking about. and at this point, yes, any decent woman that would sign up is good enough for me (no kids, under 200 lbs)

All this wonderful intimate connection stuff your talking about, yes of course I want that, I want that more then anything else in the world. The problem comes from the fact that everyone else has already had that, I've been left behind by everyone around me,

Its like trying to get a job, no one will hire someone who has never had a job before, its not like we are in highschool and everyone is just working at some fast food place or something (Or in highschool where all the normal people were getting their cherries popped)

I want to hurry up and just get that first relationship out of the way so then I can stop worrying about womens pasts.

I think I would be happy if I only sleep with maybe 2 or 3 women in my life. I don't think that this wonderful girl thats perfect for me that I'm going to meet someday is going to work out when I'm a virgin and shes already had her brains fucked out by a laundry list of better guys. I'm going to be a spiteful jealous asshole because I had to wait while she got to have all her fun.