Tried stand up for the first time

[picknslap]

So tonight I went down to an open mic to try my hand at some stand up. I went through my material a lot faster than I planned and wasn't prepared to pull out some of the stuff I was still working on. I plan on doing it again, maybe next week after adding some stuff to this set.

Let me know what you think.
YouTube - Zach's First Time Doing Stand-Up

[Keith]

I think I speak for everyone when I say I especially liked the garbley parts.

Can you transcribe it?

[picknslap]

Yeah sorry about the audio, just a point and shoot digital camera.

I don't know if you were joking or not but here is pretty much a transcription, or at least a joke by joke walkthrough...

It's my first time, but I'm feeling pretty confident because I stopped by last week to check it out and someone told me I had the "comic look". I didn't realize you could see the loneliness and defeat on my face.

I think it's a good time for me to get into comedy because I feel like Greg Giraldo was holding a spot for me.

*some guy complains about the joke, I say it's topical*

I can't get a girlfriend because I look like a child molester, but don't worry about me around your kids because I have like no game, not even enough to trick children into trusting me.

I bought an Axe Ball Scrubber. I'm so desperate that some chick on tv told me that women could sense my dirty nutsack and I believed her. I don't think any woman ever said "Oh that guys pretty cute but, he looks like he has filthy balls."

It did improve my masturbation though, but the best masturbation I've ever had was fucking a couch.

My manager told me to fuck a couch one day after complaining about problems with the ladies. I don't own any porn on DVD so I watched Conan O'Brien hoping for a hot guest. It ruined masturbation for me for life because now everytime I jerk off I need to have a fistful of loose change and breadcrumbs.

[fluxquanta]

I think next time you should try to look a little more nervous.

I'm just fuckin' with ya. Public speaking's not easy for some. I only really like the last bit, though.

[bonscott1]

Originally Posted by picknslap

It's my first time, but I'm feeling pretty confident because I stopped by last week to check it out and someone told me I had the "comic look". I didn't realize you could see the loneliness and defeat on my face.

This line was good.

[EatTheWeak]

There's some laughs in there I think, but that bit about couch-fucking is mighty close to some Dave Attel jokes off Captain Miserable. It's not the same joke, but it's close enough to notice.

That's cool you got up and made it happen though, man. I can't watch the video right now with all my roommates sleeping, but I'll check it out later on.

[Keith]

He can critique you without even watching the video. He knows his shit.

[EatTheWeak]

Upon actually watching the video, I think my favorite part is the bridge from ball-washing to couch-fucking, which isn't in your transcription. Did you make that stretch up on the spot?

[DWarrior]

Did doctorsleep help you write that self-deprecating child molester bit?

[fluxquanta]

Originally Posted by DWarrior

Did doctorsleep help you write that self-deprecating child molester bit?

I think that's all original material. OP has a podcast all about it.